Good for you for looking out for yourself. You need to feel loved and appreciated too. He will realize what a mistake he made.

Anyone can start over at any age, don't worry about that, although I understand it's not easy to think about right now.

Good luck with your move.

Good for you. You are taking care of yourself. If that makes you selfish so be it.

There's no need to argue with him about whether you are or not. Just agree with him, say Yes, I am selfish and insecure. I am all the terrible things you say I am.
It will take the argument out of him and when he asks what you are going to change, tell him NOTHING. Just like you changed nothing for me or this relationship.

Then tell him to never call you again because you are such an awful partner and unwilling to make any changes for him.

Then go out and meet someone who will love you and respect you and appreciate you for the amazing person you are.

There are men out there who have children who are not totally enmeshed with them. There are men who aren't Disney Dads. You just have to believe people when they show you who they are.

When a man tells you his kids are the most important thing in the world to him, let him go.
If he jumps when the ex or kids calls or worse cancels something with you to cater to them, let him go.
If his kids are rude to you or ignore you and he does nothing or makes excuses for them, let him go.

46 is not old and you know you don't have to have a man to be happy. Fulfil yourself and you will draw someone to you who is just as great and put together as you are.

Congratulations Yolo! This may feel terrifying but you have done the right thing and concentrate on that. A bright future awaits you and think of all the good things you can do now you are away from them all. The washing you will do for yourself, the shower that will stay clean.. the time that is your own again! Don't succumb to loneliness, come on here to moan; and join new clubs and groups to get you out of the house and meeting new people. Your present isn't ending, your future is starting....

I'm wondering if I should even consider dating a man with kids again. I mean are they all like this?!?

No, they are not all like this. I've been with my DH for 20 years and I have never felt like an outsider. He did not let his daughter run things and he certainly didn't let BM run things.

Now that my SD is 25, he hasn't even spoken to BM in 7 years, except once, to tell her that he had nothing to say to her.

My SD is immature and irresponsible but DH still does not coddle her or run to her rescue. They are not enmeshed like some dads are with their adult kids. DH and I are the couple, not him and his daughter.

Good for you for not putting up with coming in last.

Are they all like this? Maybe not, but the vast majority of them are.

Mine has many of the characteristics of the classic Disney Dad. He actually did tell me early on that his son is the most important thing in his life; he let his ex have far too much influence in our marriage for a number of years; and he continues to ignore or to make excuses for his son's sometimes crap behavior. Skid is now in his mid 20s, more or less successfully launched, and things have gotten better over the years. But we still have skid eruptions from time to time. I hope skid never marries or Dog forbid has kids of his own or the disease will flare up again, albeit with different symptoms. Which I can, sadly, list before they even happen.

But back to things as they are now. There are a few saving graces here, most of them uncommon if not unique to our relationship. His son is an only (thank Dog he has no daughters) who has launched successfully; I make quite a bit more money than DH does and unlike DH I own some property, which I had the sense to protect with a pre-nup; DH is a devoted husband who--dare I say this?--adores me. To be honest--and dare I say this?--he's also a little afraid of me. I am quite willing to rain pure misery and hell on people when I am offended. I'm not bragging about this, nor am I particularly proud of it; it has caused me quite a bit of trouble in life. But it's the truth, and sometimes works in my favor.

Even with all that, the skid has caused more problems and vexations than I care to recall, and things could so easily have turned out badly. I have been very lucky. So are they all like that? Probably not all, but certainly the vast majority are. Distilled to its essence, a step and his or her skids are unrelated creatures oompeting for resources. Not exactly a happy situation, ever, among bird or beast. It's my opinion that a person who has kids of any age should not be considered as a partner, period.

You are the strong one. Some men do have decent priorities when it comes to kids and new wives; but from my experience and actual post reading here --they are the smaller percentage. If you have no children, take your time, find a man without any. You are still young, and you will find somebody with your same values. But, be selective, look for a man who will concentrate his attention and energy on you; you deserve nothing less. Many of us would do it differently, had we known...in the beginning men and kids act totally differently than they do long term, in many cases. Most of us thought we were getting into something great, and then...reality....Misery.

Do no settle for less than you deserve. You are making a difference in your own life right now.

Do what's best for you!!! And if it means you have to end and move out then so be it.

Next time DH says you are being selfish and do not like his kids, do not keep quiet look him straight in the eye and say - This is way I'm moving out, it's about you, not about the kids, it's about you still thinking you are married to BM and she can dictate our life...