It's been a while
I have been reading posts but have been working through a lot of things in my relationship and in my home. When I last posted precious SD14 left to go to mom's because she didn't want to follow rules.
So at first BM indulged her. But within 2 months the BF had enough so now BM had to drop her off to a friend's on her way to work because BF refused to be home alone with her. Within another month SD14 managed to lose all her friends because of her lies, attention seeking and dramatics, so BM had no choice to start dropping her off at the grandparents.
During this same time SO and I had a lot of problems he was miserable, in a deep depression and taking it out in everyone around him including BS. I watched as SD maintained contact with him always asking for stuff but never wanting to see him. She would hoover him, gaslight him and ghost him.
Fast forward to today. SD14 became so ruthless and abusive at BMs ( imagine that a 14 year old becoming out of control in a home with no rules and nothing but coddling) So two things happened BM stopped indulging her and grounded her!!!!
Well guess whose house she showed up at? Guess who was more than willing to accept her back with open arms? Thats right SO!!! Because two wrongs make a right!! So for the past week I have watched SO take precious baby out to eat and shopping every day. He is also walking on egg shells around her because according to him " I have to be careful what I say, I don't want to upset her. You know how she gets". WTF!
I went to the counselor myself and spoke with SOs mother I am ready to boot them out. The counselor asked to tell him but wait until we see him together because he doesn't think he will invest in counseling if I kick him out.
On a positive note this whole thing has put me in a better place. I don't want to be home or a part of the Insanity. So I have been going places and doing things every chance I get like I used to. SO is a homebody and I used to feel guilty about doing things without him which means I often stayed home. Which I realized was making me depressed. So now Ieave him home alone with his circus monkeys and me and BS go and do us. This weekend we had a relaxing weekend at the lake while he and greedy mini wife spent the weekend spending money he doesn't have, and he had to call me from his truck because she is like a toddler and under his feet at all times and he hasn't had a minute alone.
I can't wait for this weekend when he has both his girls and I am away hiking with my friend.
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Comments
Yes it's my house and
Yes it's my house and everything has always been separate. I don't trust other people with my money, never combined accounts when I was married. SO just gives me cash I put towards the bills. It's been almost a year since I have provided any financial support for his offspring. They only eat crap so I just buy the food BS and I like. So SO has to buy all seperate groceries for them.
As far as the mini wife syndrome, how long can he possibly last never having his GF around. As far as I go, I have always been perfectly content with my life I am so much happier than I have been in a long time doing the things I enjoy. He keeps sending me pics of him and her trying to convince me how great she is because he wants me to be there with them. Ha!!! Nope. She lasted less than 4 months at BMs he can't afford to keep indulging her. So when the money train stops I have no intention on being there for the shit show. He is in his own.
Wow, just wow
so let me understand this, the seemingly neglegent BM finally uses some consequences and grounds SD and SO helps her escape this consequence, WTH. This is just such bad behavior on his part that all I can say is Wow, that sucks! How in the world can he welcome SD back after such bad behavior at his house and at BM's house? It is just inviting bad behavior. I'm glad you have seperate finances but it's rough that you share a home! I hope your hiking trip brings you peace.
Accurate. He is broken
Accurate. He is broken because BM let's SD escape consequences at our house. Then BM learns a valuable lesson and actually tries to parent and SO in turn reinforces the same behavior by letting SD escape consequences at BMs.
BM's BF
BM's BF must be a Steptalk member, refusing to babysit SD. Lol. Go BM's BF!
There seems to be a common theme here, nobody wants to be around her.
I don't see what waiting will
I don't see what waiting will do. He has clearly chosen his mini-wife over you. Would you have any respect for him now? Kick them both out. You deserve a hell of a lot better.
I was going to kick him out
I was going to kick him out before precious came back. The counselor asked me to tell him where I stood and wait until today when we meet with him.
So I agreed only because he is a really nice guy and I do feel bad he is in a cycle of abuse and can't see it. I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him. But if I can help him continue with counseling that I am willing to do.
Let us know how it goes, will
Let us know how it goes, will you? What will you do if he refuses to go back to counselling?
And remember that you don't have to live with him to help him go to counselling.
Update about counselling, OP?
Update about counselling, OP?
Oops! Just saw that you did!
Oops! Just saw that you did! Thanks!
A lot of these parents create
A lot of these parents create their little monsters by reinforcing bad behavior. My SO would run and pick up his kids every time they called and said they were bored at BMs (he is just wasting away over there!!!) or if BM or her boyfriend tried to enforce rules. How hard is it to flipping stick to a schedule?! This bouncing back and forth based on momentary feelings is what creates this BS. Afraid to upset them or they will go back to Mommy....not if nobody drives them! They stick to the schedule, and learn how to follow rules at both houses. This "rescuing" is damaging them.