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The definition of insanity

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Mon, 07/05/2021 - 6:15am

Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the counselor say this to SO. The question is, will he ever get it?

I have pretty much grey rocked SO when it comes to SKs. In addition to making sure he bares the full weight of his stupid emotionally charged decisions. 

SO text OSD that he got her a cell phone and all she has to do is apologize to her grandparents for trying to have them arrested. 

I find this an amusing plan as the grandmother has already said she will never accept an apology from OSD she has disowned her as her granddaughter.  But SO plans to reward her anyways.

OSDs response to SO "no thanks".

To add fuel to the fire. YSD texts SO and says how much OSD loves him. OSD immediately texts SO and says " whatever YSD told you is a lie." 

I used to feel bad that SOs kid is an evil, cruel, twit. But I don't anymore, my attitude after over a year is when are you going to learn? If you haven't figured it out by now that's on you. Add in the fact that SO is willing to trample on my feelings and boundaries to chase this girl, makes me even less empathetic. 

That little girl burned me once and that was enough for me to cut her off. I realize as a bioparent you will likely never cut off your own children. But that doesn't mean you should tolerate their bad behavior and certainly not reward it. 

I don't gloat or pull the I told you so card. But I do look at him and question why he is so surprised by her behavior?

Right now my only question is now that SO again instigated an argument with me which resulted in me ditching him with the ridiculous cell phone bill he created. SO now stuck with an added expense that serves no purpose because OSD doesn't even want it. His plan of hopefully reconnecting with OSD on some level. All  blowing up in his face. Did he actually learn anything? 

Comments

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Mon, 07/05/2021 - 9:41pm

Bullshit at their age yet alone having their grandkid trying to get them arrested and their bio parents have no control to make this feral girl make amends and apologise.

if any skid put my or my kids lofe in danger, thats it!! Never again will you put us in same room or environment as them ever!!

FinallySkidFree's picture

Submitted by FinallySkidFree on Tue, 07/06/2021 - 9:36am

SO apparently will never learn. Continue to just shrug your shoulders because there is nothing you can do. His poor decision making has him now stuck with a cell bill. Oh well...too bad. On some level, these dads are gluttons for punishment.

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Tue, 07/06/2021 - 9:46am

Your SO is an enabling addict...he enjoys the "high" he gets from "rescuing", unless and until he acknowledges that he is an addict his behavior wont change.

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 07/06/2021 - 10:03am

You have two problems here:  positive projection and pathological optimism.

These nice guys see the good in everyone, even when it's not there.  And they think if they try hard enough, they can change them.

Many years ago, DH kept trying to coparent with Satan.  I had to tell him what narcissism is.  He couldn't accept it.  "Everyone wants to be better, all you have to do is help them."  I had to explain to him that that is exactly what narcissism is.  "That part of you that cares and wants to be better?  They literally don't have that.  It's a real thing.  I'm not kidding.  Look it up."

I had to repeat several times before it sank in.  Even now, I point it out when I see it in the wild.  He kinda gets it now.

With younger people, there is still a small chance they can get slightly better.  But not if he's rewarding bad behavior.  Tell him he is crippling her.