The big move
Hi guys! Things have been good since BM is in jail. She had been in the county going on 3 months. She was ultamately sentenced to 8m is State mandated rehabilitation. Basically a jail type of setting rehab. She hasn't gone there yet for teatment and is still trying the usual love letters/ blame game through mail. Not bothered by it. She wrote " I wish you would just answer a phone call and work on co-parenting with me." LMAO what kind of co-parenting can a person do from behind bars?????
Ok here is the reason why I need y'all's input on the big move. I take care of my disabled mom and she is pretty much independent for the most part. Meaning she can do the activities of daily living on her own unless she gets sick then I have to physically do everything for her. I also provide 100% financial support for living. She lives in my apartment we shared from before I got in this relationship 2years ago. Now it's a financial struggle for my BF and a little for myself too. Should I move my mom in the house?
It was BF idea to move her in last year but It was too soon for that. I have written down the pros and cons of it all and I'm still upon the air about it. He is having financial issues and I want to help but it means I would be taking away from my mom. He knew before I moved in that I take care of my mom. Just like I knew he was a package deal when I got in the relationship. For him, his son comes first and for me my mom comes first. We both work extra and still just barley making it. It put stress on the relationship because we are both tired at times for intamacy when we are in the mood (at different times.) We are communicating more about alot of things.
I don't want to uproot my mom and it not work out.
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BE is having a financial
BE is having a financial struggle and suggested you move your mom in to help with the struggle. Well that will help BF, but will it help you and your mom? Only you can answer that question. (My guess is no. My guess is that if you do this , you will end up shouldering a larger amount of expenses.)
If mom is disabled, has she applied for SSI and other assistance? If you are not sure what is available try talking to the social worker at the local senior center (most have them). They may not be able to help you if mom is not a senior, but they can point you in the right direction.
I'm definitely on top of ALL
I'm definitely on top of ALL the assistance sh can receive. That's not the issue anymore, I worked my but off and was on the phone to her state care worker for every hospital admission and condition changes she had.
BF believes that the MAN is the provider for the household and is responsible for taking care of his woman and children. I don't disagree at all with. I do not pay any bills here in the house, I do provide what I can in other ways ie. groceries, toiletries, cleaning supplies, misc things around th house to make it OUR HOME. I contribute for our little weekend vacation trips too when he don't have enough. So I do my fair share of providing, also cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the home.
I don't believe I would be taking on a large financial load but I just don't see the point of doing it if I'm not married to the man. The house is in his name and pays morgage, if something were to happen to him in the ex wife gets the house for their child. I would be kicked out this house so quick it ain't even funny. Then she will probably sell it for crack $$$....LMAO sad but true.
So no I do not wish to pay for a home that is not even mine.
If mom does move in then I would be catching up on MY debt and saving MY extra for a rainy day. Not such bad idea but I do not want to uproot my mom at All if I'm not married to bhim or have a steak in this house.
I would insist on marriage.
I would insist on marriage. If you want stability, it’s a lot harder to back out on. And even if you do get married, 67% of second marriages end in divorce. Sorry, it’s not very likely your mom will have stability if you move her in with your BF.
No way!
No way! If things don't work out, it will be hard enough on you. Can you imagine how hard it would be on your disabled mother to suddenly have to be move? Especially if it is after a decline in the relationship with all of the tension and fighting and general unpleasantness around the house that goes with it. Not a good atmosphere for anyone but definitely not for an adult who can't leave on their own when they are sick of it. And if this is your BF's house, you have few rights and your mother would have even less. Putting her at risk because of his finances would be a terrible disservice to her.