I was thinking of just letting her know about what the teachers are saying about his anger and low selfesteem which usually stems from a feeling of abandonment by BM and low feelings of selfworth as is often the case ecspecially with teen boys as "what is so wrong with me that even my own mother doesn't want me". Also a big reason he feels he needs to be hateful to both DH and I are to see if we will leave him too. But he is also especially mean to me as he feels he may be betraying his mother by likeing me as usually is the case and even worse when BM is jelous of DH's relationship whith me and also with her boys, so she teaches them to hate us. Studies also show that BM's who do not have custody have feelings of being an inadiquate mother and try to compensate by making the step-mom the enemy in both her eyes and her childrens eyes. I feel that if she wants to create problems then she should live with the problems she has created! perhaps by letting her know about what the teachers say and what profesionals are saying without coming right out and saying take them she may offer to keep them , making it her decision and not bringing up the topic of them moving but saying the boys should no longer be separated! What dou you think?