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Perhaps I am wrong but I think I found away to deal!

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 9:02pm

Tell me if I am wrong but the only way I can seem to get through the day with SS12 is to completely ignore his existance! I say no more that 5 words to him all day, and I don't look at him, and I have been doing this for about 2 weeks, and on occaision I am baited into one of his planned fights but I usually catch myself before it gets to far. But if I don't even acknowledge him he actually doesn't scream and swear at me! And if he tries I simply walk away, turn on the TV, turn up the radio, or start talking to someone else like I never heard him. the last few days he has been relatively quite, perhaps he is getting the hint, I am tired of being treated like dog shit! I have treated him with more love respect and kindness than he deserves, and I am not going to be taken from anymore! Perhaps I am wrong and maybe there is another way of dealing with a mouthy,lazy,disrespectful, self entitled,selfish, and hateful child but right now I don't know what else to do!!

Comments

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Submitted by ubrngoutdbitchnme on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 9:30pm

I think you should just keep on ignoring him. You don't need to bow down to him. Be strong and don't give in to him. Come on he's only 12. Remember you are the adult and he's just a kid.

CP

Snowbunny's picture

Submitted by Snowbunny on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 9:38pm

I would ignore him too. He doesn't deserve your time if he's going to act that way. Maybe eventually he'll miss the human interaction and start acting civil. But if not, just as well!

ChaiLatte's picture

Submitted by ChaiLatte on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 12:46am

I don’t think you are wrong for doing whatever you can to maintain your sanity. If his behavior is improving because you are ignoring him, you’ve done something to make the situation better not worse. With a child as out of control as your SS you aren’t left with very many options. Not giving him an audience may have been exactly what he needed. I’m glad something is finally working.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

Selkie's picture

Submitted by Selkie on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 5:23am

I say if it works, do it.

But I do hope that if he approaches you with civility, you'll respond to him then. This will reinforce the behaviour you want. That's IF...

Angel72's picture

Submitted by Angel72 on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 7:49am

BINGO VGILL!!!! You got it!!! Thats the form of disengage you need. Complete and to the bone! This kid gets off on you being angry...it feeds him. He has alot of anger because of his mom and he uses you as his punching bad....sorry...you ain't no ones punching bag! Do exactly what you are doing. Stop caring for what he thinks or feels. Cause he is not able at this point to have a decent relationship with you until he gets over his psychological issues he is dealing with due to his mothers lack of love and rejection.
For yourself, for your kids, if this child has to stay in the meantime until he leaves...the best thing you are doing now is to completely ignore him and also when he begins to engage in a fight, turn about and ignore.
I'm really glad to hear that this is working for you. Keep it up.
I did this to stepdaughter over weekends for well over 2 years. My dh didn't like it but i said, until she comes up to me and says hello and engages with me , i will not. I'm the adutl. She is the child. She comes to me, not me to her. she has the balls to complain about it to her father!!! and he told her, you never speak to angel or involve her...so why should she give you an ounce of notice. If she is nothign to you...then you are nothign to her....
Too bad now...that she is getting older my dh is started to fall for her magic illusions....had a blow out a few weeks ago and i basically told him , just proves to me, solid proof now that your daughter is a liar and manipulator...good luck to your exwife!
Hey, if your dh objects to it, tell him until his son changes, you wont.

desperately seeking for answers's picture

Submitted by desperately see... on Sat, 02/06/2010 - 10:40pm

I absolutely agree with what you are doing. what does your dh say about it, does he support you or does he act like he doesn't know what's going on. I do the same to my ss9 but it doesn't work for me and his father seems to be clueless about what's going on. Does he live with you permanently? or is he just there in the mean time?. Keep it up, dont give in to his nonsense he has no right to treat you like that you dont owe him anything everything that you do you do it because you want to... good luck

Smonster's picture

Submitted by Smonster on Sat, 02/06/2010 - 10:52pm

I also agree with what you are doing. I have an SS12 who in his daddy's eyes can do no wrong. I swear the minute is his dad is out of sight he starts acting like a demon from hell. But DH doesn't beleive me. I gave up. I do not say a word to the demon child anymore, I don't even try.
BM & DH are going to have to deal with him as he gets older, not me. I've already raised two of my own and went through those teenage years, this one is going to be a doozy.