Am I Normal!!??
Is it normal to love your SS's but not want them to live with you!? I just think I need a break!! I have 4 other bio kids 2 boys and 2 girls and we have a full house, which is not a big deal but I just can't stand the chaos that these 2 boys bring with them, they are angry ,destructive,disrespectful,and very selfish, they are their mothers sons, and now I just want them to go live with her and let her deal with what she has created.I just want to scream with frustration.!!! I am now even feeling sick when I see the school bus pull up knowing that they are home, and the negitivity that they bring with them. I try my best to be good and loving to them, but all they ever do is shove it in my face, I am soo tired of the rejection!! and it has been over 4 years!! is this normal??I am soo tired, Iwant them to go, am I a bad person?
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No you are not a bad person.
No you are not a bad person. I don't know why people think that once a person says "I do" to a person who has kids that they automatically love the other person's children too. Maybe some can, but I'm not one of them. I married a man with children. I accept his children, but I don't love his children and they are not the focus of our relationship and never will be. They have a mother to mother them.
I don't know what your circumstances are or why the kids live with you and your DH, but just from the tone of your post, I would definitely say you need a break. 6 kids are alot for anyone to handle.
Do you get any free weekends? Can you plan a little getaway for you and your DH? Do you get any time in the summers kid free? Maybe you guys should alter the custody arrangements so that you have some time without any kids.
No, you aren't a bad person.
No, you aren't a bad person. I think this is completely normal to feel this way!!! You do need a break. I would plan a weekend for you and your DH.
you are totally normal and
you are totally normal and you are definitely not a bad person. my daughter is asleep right now and i was just thinking how i could use a day off to myself. i love her so much and she makes me smile. she is my happiness in the crap that is my life lately, yet i still feel like i need a day without her, and she's my bio daughter! i wish my SD didn't live with us and i don't love her the way you want to love your skids.
we have every other weekend
we have every other weekend with out kids ,except the youngest he is 6 months. But I just feel like crying my eyes out in udder frustration knowing that in about 1 1/2 hours they will be home with their father, and I feel like hiding in my room!! my kids are outside playing (supposed to be putting in some firewood to earn some money for the book fair and they are only 4,7,and 9 and they have already put in 1 cord and they do more work around the house and are a bigger help that ss14 and ss12! I am just feeling helpless right now!!I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying knowing that when SS's return they will just continue being hateful toward me, I can only take so much, I have delt with 4+years of hate being thrown at me and I don't want to do this anymore!! help me!!
I agree with all above. You
I agree with all above. You are not a bad person. Its normal to feel that way. You have a very full plate and to top it off if those 2 come over a rouse up the other 4 , it doesn't help you. What does your dh do when they misbehave?
I have one so far and he gets roused up when the skids come over and i dotn appreciate it one bit. There are times both my dh and i are holding our breath till they leave. My dh tells them off when they get out of line.
Sd was teaching my son to say bitch........rrrrrr...i caught him saying and he did it in front of his dad, i looked at him and said, guess who taught him that word? yah, i guess your daughter knows what she is eh?
nasty hit for my dh but i was soo pist off hearing my son speak like that.
Then i quickly reminding him that she will never live in our house because i wont fix all the fn' mistakes his ex wife has made with her.
I feel the same when my ss's
I feel the same when my ss's are with their BM there are no rules and no reprocutions for their actions!! they are teaching my kids bad behavior, and they get angry when the boys do something and nothing happens but if my kids do something bad, they get into trouble! The worst is having my 7 year old son coming to me crying ( he is a Mama's boy)asking why my SS's call me a b*tch. I just want to let their BM finally take some responsability and raise her kids and deal with the mess she has created!!
SoTired1 No. . .you are NOT
SoTired1
No. . .you are NOT a bad person. You are a NORMAL person! Sounds like you have alot on your plate & I applaud you for allowing your SSs to live in your home (especially when they have their BM). I truly do not understand how a 'so-called mother' could allow her child to be raised by anyone other than herself. I don't get it. Here's my thoughts, if they BM is not mentally challenged or incapcitated in any form or fashion, and has adequate employment to provide for her child(ren), she should very well be raising her child and not putting them off on someone else to handle (even if that someone else happens to be the BD). I don't think so. I love my SS11 he's a sweet child, but his BM has some severe ghetto issues. As much as my DH would love for his BS11 to live with us, it's not happening unless his BM is 6-feet-under. Call me mean, call me cold-hearted, you may even say I'm a hypocrite; but, that's what it is. My SS may visit, spend the holiday season with us, however, I don't want to be bothered with raising another woman's child when she's clearly capable of doing so herself (BM, sounds like mere irresponsibility & selfishness to me).
hahahahahahahaha, your
hahahahahahahaha, your funny...trust me I feel the same way. Although I don't have any children myself, I told my husband I can't possibly love his daughter the way he can and that I would no doubt love our child more. This did not make him happy but she's not my child, I didn't birth her! What can he expect? Reading back on it, it sounds mean but I always speak the truth no matter how harsh!
She is extreamly selfish, My
She is extreamly selfish, My Dh took the boys when they were both still in diapers, because she did not want them! However she has continued to undermine everything he has done right in raising these boys by himself, he lost another girlfriend before me who could not handle the boys and how their Bm interferes with everything that he does in raising them. He raised them with no CS from her and she makes good money! Now that the boys are older and don't need a babysitter, she wants to play the hero and rescue them from Dad! I know the truth she has been to busy spreading her legs for whoever for so long to bother with the boys and now she actually has a nice Bf(I don't know how) and he has a house and a car and all of the nice things she wants, so now she wants to play MOM!!, My thought is go ahead and try!! deal with all of the issues you have created!! I am tired of trying to fix things and then have her call the boys and undo all the work I have just done!!!AARRRGGGHH!!! I could not be on the computer today if the boys were here, they would have so much chaos in this house I would not have a few minutes even to sit down to check emails! I thank everyone for their support here, this is my guilty pleasure to find some other people here who are dealing with similar issues, and don't judge me, and call me a bad person! you have al been a bit of relief in my life!!!!!
Yes, it is normal to love
Yes, it is normal to love your SS's but not want them to live with you. I love my SS with all my heart, but do not want him living with me. I have been with DH for 15 years (since SS was 2) but I still get no respect from SS. You are not a bad person, just frustrated with the situation I'm sure.
I agree with all the other
I agree with all the other posters before. I think you're perfectly normal. My sks live with us 24/7. Their mom is around somewhere but doesnt want any parts of raising them. They are good kids (all things considered) and dont want them in my house. I'm sorry I ever agreed to it. Things are better, but I realize that really I just dont want them in my house. I hate being responsible for them.
Life is what you make it.
Thanks for not letting me
Thanks for not letting me feel all alone on this!! I am having a quiet day here with just my 4 bio kids, and there is peace here! My kids aren't perfect but they are very good kids. Right now they are piling wood in the basement, it was for some extra money for their book fair, but they told me that I didn't have to give them any money they just wanted it to be a surprise for their stepdad!! they are doing a little more playing than piling, but there is no fighting , breaking things or calling names going on. I look forward to days like these just me and my children and a peaceful home, this is what home is supposed to be, not dreading the arrival of kids from school, and not feeling sick when you know they are going to be home soon. I really just wish they would go live with their mother then maybe I could just enjoy a few nice visits!