Surely you jest....
BM of my step children refused to let them attend my wedding reception. Their father and I really wanted them to be a part of the celebration. I know that I could be counted lucky in that my step children came to the wedding at all, but this is just beyond me. She allowed the kids to come to the ceremony, but not the reception. Her reasoning for this was because she was convinced that people would be drinking. Now, my husband and I were married in a small resturaunt, and like most resturaunts there was a bar area. The people attending our small wedding were mostly family, none of which would disrespect us by getting fall down drunk at our celebration. BM said that she didn't want the kids exposed to seeing people drink....like she has never gone to a resturaunt and people at the tables near by ordered drinks?? Please. Let me also mention that the kids are 5 and 3, would they really notice the difference between a person drinking a beer vs. drinking apple juice?? By the way, not a drop of alcohol was had at the reception. She also made the comment that she hopes that the kids are young enough to forget our ceremony; that she didn't ever want them to wittness a "goddless" ceremony. (ours was non-denomanational) Big talk for a woman who left her husband to go live with her girlfriend...no offense to gay people whom I have no problem with, but don't hard core christians consider her life style goddless??? Give me a break lady... :sick:
- VeronicaL's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Do you REALLY think it was about the alcohol?
Of course not. I'll give you one word what it was about...
CONTROL
Of your life. DH's life. The children's lives. Your new family life together. And if your new DH doesn't start to put his foot down and say to her, "Screw you BM- they are MY CHILDREN, too. And I have a say in how they are raised and where I will take them just as you do."
Then I say to you, "Welcome to our wonderful, whacky world of Stepparenting and Guilt-parenting!"
It's going to be a LONG, bumpy ride.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
i agree w 5teens
this was all about control, that was just her silly excuse for it. and shame on DH for allowing her to doctate those terms, especially on your wedding day. those kids have as much rite to attend the entire celebration just as they would if BM ever got remarried. those are his kids too and its bull that he didnt stand up to her. and shame on her for letting her jealousy ruin a nice experience for her kids.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I agree about the control issue
This is not the first control issue we have had. She and I had a huge knock down fight about where her nose should be concerning my pregnancy. She thought her nose belonged in my business and I thought it belonged in her @**. DH Joined the fight and it took a good while before things settled down again. BM has a very sick attachment to her kids. I'm twice a mother, and I'm not suffering from this problem she thinks is normal. There's just something about it that goes beyond the ties a mother has with her child, borderlining on obsession. If either DH or I could say shes a bad mother, then this whole situation would be very different. She is a wonderful mother, super mom you know? The kind you want to be precieved as. Except she makes it damn near impossible for them to visit their father without complaint. I am not new to this situation, just new to the title.
It shouldn't matter
whether she's "Supermom" or "Delinquentmom". You and your DH should parent his children when they are in your care REGARDLESS
of how SHE does when they are in her care.
Parent them as if she were DEAD. That's what a therapist (actually a Parenting Coach) told me and my DH. It should not matter one damn bit about BM when it comes to how WE decide to parent the children in our home on our time.
If she wants to screw them up by being overbearing and obsessive when they are with her, then you can't control that, just as she should not be able to control what you and your DH do with them at your home.
Once we learned that (well- once my DH learned that) our lives were much more peaceful when it came to issues with the BM.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
parent them as if she were DEAD
i like that one 5teens! Bm is pretty much a non-factor in our lives...she does what she wants w SD, and so do we. we learned the hard way to let go of her inadequacies as a mother and just do the best we can.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Exactlly, Bella
make BM a non-factor in your lives.
And, as an added bonus, when you think "parent the kids as if BM were dead" we can always have something to DREAM about. (I know, I know- what an AWFUL thing to say, but sometimes, you just get pushed to that point, don't you }:-)???)
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
actually 5teens
thats my favorite part of it...wishing she WERE dead
i didnt wanna come out and say it BUT i knew where u were headed!
but then again, i wouldnt wanna have SD full time. maybe once we have a child of our own, but not until then, if at all. im awful, i know
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Well leaving a spouse for
Well leaving a spouse for another person, never mind the fact that it was a person of the same sex...generally frowned upon by christians. I'm Catholc, trust me, I know! LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
seems..
like there was an ugly green monster living in your BM...
and I have to ask.. whose time was it when you had the reception? was it your Dh's court ordered time or hers?
It was DH's court ordered
It was DH's court ordered time.We handed the kids over for the sake of peace at least for the wedding day. The last thing either of us wanted was to invite the police to the reception. That and now we are getting ready for a much bigger fight, it's his year for Christmas...mediation anyone???
BM can make your life miserable if you let them...
I have 2 SD's they were like 9 and 11 when we married. My SD's were flower girls or junior brides made pretty much. Well we planned on all of us having an updo. The girls were excited to be getting their hair done professionally. We made sure we planned out wedding on our weekend because I would bet anything she wouldn't have let them any other time. So...like 1 week before the weeding she took scissors herself and cut one of the girls hair off. Just to let you know, she's not a hair dresser. So I didn't let it get me. I knew whatever happended in our home was talked about in hers. We totally do not do that when the kids are with us. So what I did was tell my SD how excited I was that her BM cut all those dead ends. The day of the wedding my SD was so excited because she even said, you can't tell my hair was cut. I guess what bothers me most about all of it is the children should be the only concern. Some BM's make it their goal to destroy the SM's life with the children regardless of how it effects the kids. I have a good relationship with one of my SD's the other is very cold to me even after 6 yrs. Sometimes it hurts my feelings because I know it truly bothers my DH. I hate to say it gets harder with age because mine actually got better and now is reverting again. I would have to tell you never let anyone ruin your day. I have to remind myself that often when she takes jabs at me. I can tell you the one thing I am so proud of is that I have never spoken a bad work about BM to my SD's. We are positive in our home and I pray oneday my SD's will see that I was there for them and they were my primary concern even though I didn't birth them.