Dare I say it -- it finally got better. I banned SD9 from my room (and ONLY her, others can knock and enter) so now when I'm in my room I know I am safe and she won't barge in to do her dumb crap. It is SO NICE having a safe place that she cannot invade! I can now relax in my room when I need to get away. It's priceless. I didn't realize how much I needed a 'safe place' where she could not enter. Her self esteem did not crumble as DH feared because she was the only kid banned. She actually learned that there are consequences to her actions, JUST HER because she is the one being a turd.

The SS13 booger picking has not stopped but since he's sitting on a sheet at all times when on the couch, I feel better about it at least. I CANNOT WAIT until he has a friend over and the friends asks why the heck he's sitting on a sheet. Maybe *that* will actually finally STOP the booger picking??? What will he tell them, my StepMom makes me sit on this sheet and I have no idea why???

The cat torturing (okay, I guess mistreating or pestering is more accurate) has also stopped because I finally flat out insisted that SD9 has lost the privlige of touching that cat at all. After one day of testing (of course she had to see if she would really have a consequence so she kept messing with the cat anyway, and ended up grounded for the day) she finally got it that we would no longer be struggling/explaining/giving chances/giving warnings,etc. The cat was is just no longer an option for her. DH didn't think we could enforce her not touching the cat but, hmmmm, since she was grounded the first day, she hasn't defied the rule again.

The mess making -- I have diligently been just picking up her crap she leaves everywhere, opening her bedroom door, dumping it, and closing door. Guess what, now she's complaining that her room is messy. LOL!!!! Can't find her stuff? Hmm I wonder why?
We have told her if she didn't leave stuff everywhere, it wouldn't get dumped in her room. She is slowly learning that I will not clean up her shit, I will simply dump it in her room. Dumping stuff in her room is SO MUCH more tolerable than cleaning it up for her, putting stuff away for her, or getting into the power struggle of trying to get her to clean it up! Now I just dump and go. So much better!!!

These seemingly simple changes have turned things around for me. Before, DH's kids were "untouchable", nothing could be said to them because it might damage their precious self esteem, no consquences could be enacted because they might get upset.

I FINALLY said, I *WILL* have these rule go in effect for my sanity, and after everyone's initial shock and discomfort of me laying down some rules, it's much better.

I'm only sorry I took so long to put my foot down!