Quality Time
I'm just wondering. Does quality time ever happen when you're entering a remarriage. My SO puts so much time into special activities when his kids are there and nothing towards the relationship. I can't even remember the last time we went out. Just the two of us. It just makes it so tough. Not being able to have that middle ground that a lot of couples have. You know that before kids time. It seems that we come into these relationships already fighting a losing battle. This is one thing that I am extremely jelous of his EX about. She got that time. The time to build a foundation before kids come along. Not that it matters seeing as how she is crazy. It just that having bios can put so much stress on a relationship. It's even more stressful when you have a bio and he has 2 of his own. You never get the chance to create the foundation that I think is very important in every relationship.
SO always says that he spends more time with me then his kids. I think what he means by that is that he sees me more often. As far a quality time, his kids get that. I almost feel like my life is all about laundry, kids, grocery shopping, house cleaning, and dealing with his crazy ex.
Is this just how it is? You get the sh!t end of the stick until all the kids move out?
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Oh-yeah, and quality time
Oh-yeah, and quality time does not mean sitting in the living room watching the same TV show at the same time.
Wait, I thought quality time
Wait, I thought quality time was sitting in the living room arguing about what to watch, then DH handing over the remote and heading to our bedroom to watch TV on his laptop. That's not it?!
I right there with you! My
I right there with you! My hubby and I have the same fight OVER and OVER again! I told him I feel like he's only interested in doing things/spending QUALITY time when it involves his kids. Otherwise, it's just mundane business as usual in our home. Work, home, tv, play with OUR baby, bed... But every other weekend when the step-kids are around, forget it... All I hear from him is "what do you want to do?" "let's get out of the house?" "let's go to dinner"... Might I add, he has to of the worlds WORST whiney ass daugthers, ages 4 & 6 but you'd think they're 2 and 3. It's not easy doing ANYTHING with them. I usually decline and just head out with my 6 month old who is NOT TROUBLE AT ALL and have some fun...
Ugh I know exactly what you
Ugh I know exactly what you mean. DH and I are long distance right now because I am finishing up school, but I am going to see him next week. I fly back Sunday and I asked him if he could talk to BM about not keeping SS the whole weekend (mainly because I know that he won't want to sit at the airport for 2 hours and DH always waits w me until the flight leaves). Well DH got all butt hurt about it, like I didn't want to spend time w his son. I told him the thing was I wanted quality time w him. ALONE. He didn't understand this. He said we would have the whole week to alone, but to me, seeing him when he gets home from work at 7:00 PM and then watching TV together until we fall asleep is NOT quality time. Is it really that hard to make time for me when I am only going to be there for a freakin' week?? All I asked was to take SS home Sat night instead of Sun. Is 24 hours really gonna kill him??? I guess we will see how it goes...
I guess it all depends what
I guess it all depends what you put into it,, were not perfect at all,, I work fulltime,my husband started his own buisness,(what a pain in the ass that is) we have 4 kids between us,and a 3 y/o grandson, he has an Ex wife (my ex passed away)we pay child support for a kid we see twice a year, but yetsomehow we both are VERY commited to our marriage,, YES all these things get VERY over- whelming, but at the end of the day I snuggle up to him and am still very much in love with him,we have been married 5 years and together almost 9,, We just really both know that when we NEED time together it's something we just know,,, we go to a casinio, or a bed and breakfast, we went out for dinner last weekend just the two of us,, It's weird,, my husband misses me just as much, so I guess i'm lucky that he really is commited to me, he's pretty intuned to when we "need time" together and he spoiles the hell out of me, I know that he really is my other half,,, really sit with him,, and explaine the importance of how you feel,, when things got pretty bad for us I saw a counselor,,I think that also gave my husband a little push that he was taking things for granted and that we need to get back into "us" time,,
I totally understand my
I totally understand my husband thinks that because she is not my child he should keep her away meAning he stays away. I didn't get married to never see my husband. But I'm sure the BM would love that or is loving that
after 12 years my husband and
after 12 years my husband and I have learned that special time, can mean a trip to the grocery store, a trip to the gas station, cooking dinner together, or cleaning up after dinner. It is a time where we can laugh and talk about our days, our dreams, or our problems. While eating out and going out would have been wonderful, it is not always something we can get done with kids activities and our responsibilities. So we do what we can and carve our time out of mundane chores.
I understand it's the little
I understand it's the little things such as cleaning up after dinner or going to the gas station together that can help, but between the two of us we have 2 6 year old girls and 1 4 year old boy. Neither of us have family that live in the sate. We can't just go to the gas station together. And the whole cleaning up after dinner together, us taking a moment together, is impossible when his kids are with us. They won't allow it. It's daddy, daddy, daddy, I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, I need a snack, or they just wonder into the kitchen and cling to him like if they don't he might float away.
It's just so frustrating. I feel like I can see it all slipping away and no matter what I say to SO, he just doesn't understand. His arguement is that I only get to see them six months out of the year. My arguement is thet I get the other six months.
We're lucky that bm takes the
We're lucky that bm takes the kids eowe and half of the school holidays, so we make the most of the time they're away. If we can afford it, we go away for the weekend or go out for a nice meal and we've got a 1-week holiday booked for the summer for just the 2 of us. Without this time to ourselves I would not be able to cope as a sm, as I live for our precious couple time. DH does agree that we need it and admits that he also needs a break, as the kids are very demanding and attention seeking. They see to themselves on weekend mornings they're with us, so we stay in bed till lunchtime relaxing, making love or enjoying some music and they've been taught not to pester us unless it's really important. Then when we get up they're all over him like a rash so I leave him to it and go see my bd18 at her place. I think mundane everyday things like shopping, making a meal together or relaxing with a good movie can be a good opportunity for some couple time, as long as the kids aren't around to interrupt. SS7 and SS8 are in bed by 8pm every night, which gives us time for adult's TV, but unfortunately SS14 is growing up and wants to stay up later. I really feel this invades our adult time so we've put him free view tv in his room and he goes upstairs at 9pm during the week, which isn't too bad. I can't wait till they're all older and out doing their own thing, then we'll be able to come and go as we please without having to live our lives around kids bedtimes/mealtimes/school times etc.