Will the Babying EVER End?
Small, dumb story from this morning.
While we were still in bed talking DH says...
DH: "My new thing is always having two beds made up in the basement room...so if either of the kids is over and wants to stay, it's ready for them. Or if we have impromptu guests." (We have had several impromptu guests lately.)
Me: "Mmmmmm."
DH: "I just want YSD to feel like she always has a place here, you know?"
Me: **crickets**
DH: "Also, YSD will just sleep on the mattress instead of making up the bed when she's here, and I don't think that's very comfortable or healthy..."
Me: "Good Lord. She's almost 17...she can make up her own damn bed. I do it. I'm sure she does it at her mom's."
Then, DH didn't speak to me for the next 10 minutes. I should also note, I have asked ALL skids multiple times not to sleep on their beds with no sheets. Several years ago, I went out and bought really nice 4" memory foam toppers, hypo-allergenic mattress pads, and two sets of nice, new sheets for each bed. Spent about $250-300 per bed making sure they had everything they needed to be comfy. When they sleep without sheets, the mattress pad gets torn up...not to mention it gets their sweaty, stinky selves soaked in.
Not sure why this frustrated me so much this morning. It was mostly the tone of voice...like: "Aren't I such a good, thoughtful, caring dad to my sweet, sweet girl??"
Anyone else have any ridiculous babying of teen kid stories?
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My thoughts are that the two
My thoughts are that the two beds should always be made up with sheets etc... When someone stays there, it is their responsibility to make their bed every day. If the child is there longer than a week, they are also responsible for changing the linens once. If they only stay a couple days and you don't anticipate needing the bed for anyone else before they return.. no need to change sheets... if you do, they should strip the bed.
I don't think this is terribly babying of him to want her to come to a home with a made up bed for her... vs a bare mattress in the basement.
Sure, she can make the bed, but I leave my guest room beds made up.. so, I figure this isn't out of the ordinary.
That's true. I've never had
That's true. I've never had to make up my own bed when I was a guest at someone's home. I also made up both SD and SS's beds when we moved and set up their rooms because they were with BM at the time. It wasn't a big deal.
Sure. One time it's no big
Sure. One time it's no big deal. Every once in a while...no big deal.
Every week though? Because you know she won't make it up and will just sleep on the mattress if you don't? That just seems like babying and enabling bad, lazy habits to me.
I agree. My skids have to
I agree. My skids have to make their bed every day. If I can make mine, they can make theirs.
Kid should be able to make
Kid should be able to make her bed daily.. but I would always leave it made up... if that means SHE makes it with fresh sheets the day she leaves.. even better.
So.. when DH says "we need to have the two beds made up" All OP needs to say is
"Yeah.. sounds like a good idea. Have SD strip the bed and replace with clean sheets when she leaves for the week."
When we visit family the
When we visit family the guest beds are always made for us. When we leave we strip the beds and put everything in the laundry room.
She's not a guest, though.
She's not a guest, though. She comes every other week.
Ultimately, I don't care if DH wants to keep the bed made up. It's his choice. I just hate the sappy tone of voice that he used when talking about it and the assumption that he has to do it or she'll just sleep on a bare mattress. Like...expecting her to do as told or not be lazy and destructive to our property is just...a bridge too far.
LOL, hey I get it. My DH
LOL, hey I get it. My DH will sometimes say "Time to pick up the baby" Talking about SD13. It bugs the shit out of me.
Oh, gross. That would irk me
Oh, gross. That would irk me so bad.
I work from home and was usually pretty busy on Fridays getting end of the week assignments turned in. DH would always call to me in my office at about 3:30 when the skids got dropped off...usually when BM's car was still in the driveway and skids were ambling out of ti. "TwoOfUs! They're here! The kiddos are here!!!" Like he expected me to drop everything and come running out to greet them at the door or something. For a while I complied and made a big production of it like he did. Of course, they weren't required to return my over-the-top greeting in any way. So, I stopped and just started calling back: "That's nice." And then I came out and joined the group when I was finished and felt like it...
If my skid was this age and
If my skid was this age and an occasional guest, of course this makes sense. She's 16 stb 17 and comes for regular visitation every other week.
I cannot stand staying as
I cannot stand staying as guest and not making up the bed myself as well as changing the bedding once I am done. That may sound odd but my phobias don't really allow for me sleeping on an already made up bed.
I usually actually take my own linen when I stay away.
Let your DH make their beds and treat them as guests. As long as you're not doing the bed changing and or laundry it's all good.
See...I'm with you. I don't
See...I'm with you. I don't understand this "being hospitable" nonsense when it comes to skids. Are they guests or residents of the home? I hate how it goes both ways...and only when it suits them. Drives me crazy.
I guarantee if SD was here full-time DH would expect her to make her own bed at almost 17 years old.
SD isn't staying as a guest,
SD isn't staying as a guest, though. She comes every other week on regular visitation.
If she's a guest, why do we pay for her insurance or drive her to work or let her raid our fridge with impunity?
I agree, besides.. sounds
I agree, besides.. sounds like other people use the bed too? I would personally have her strip the bed when she leaves so the sheets etc can be washed. If she has time that day, you can have her remake the bed too... but if someone stays in the bed while she is gone.. you (or DH) should ensure it is made up right?
I don't see anything wrong with having the bed made up and ready for her or a guest too.
Her DH can certainly set the expectation that she strip and remake the bed on her last morning there. Then, it should still be made up when she arrives next right?
This is exactly what we do
This is exactly what we do with skids. On the skids last day at our place they strip their sheets, pillow cases, towels, etc. and start them in the wash. Once the sheets are done SO or I will put them on the beds so the beds stay ready at anytime for a guest. Of course if we have a guest we strip the sheets after they leave but skids are trained well on dismantling their rooms when they prepare to leave. I am even proud to say they empty their trash cans before they leave.
What's weird is...when the
What's weird is...when the skids were younger and we had all three of them EOWE, this was our routine.
Monday morning, DH had them get up early, strip their sheets and leave all sheets and towels next to the washing machine, empty trash, pack up their bags and leave them by the front door, and do a double-check to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything. Worked great! (Before this, we used to find 3-5 damp towels all over their rooms, eating through the nice hardwood floors...even though I installed hooks in every room and told them they could easily use the same towel or 2 towels for a weekend. They're just so lazy...) When they came the next weekend, their sheets were washed and folded for them at the foot of their beds, and the first thing DH did was have them make up their beds. This was late elementary, junior high, and early high school for these kids...from ages 10-15 or so.
Now that we're down to just SDstb17 coming every other week now, it's like DH has reverted and is trying to baby her all the time. It's really getting annoying.
ewwww. who sleeps on a bed
ewwww. who sleeps on a bed with no sheets?? and maybe I'm just a crochety witch, but I am sooooo NOT ok with impromptu guests.... even if it was my own kid. That is rude, who does that? I would never just show up at my mothers and expect to spend the night :?
I don't mind impromptu
I don't mind impromptu guests, really.
SD isn't an impromptu guest, though. She comes every other week on a regular schedule. I just hate how skids are treated like guests when it suits them (beds made up for them and stripped for them, special treatment, no chores) and like members of the household when it suits them (us paying for everything, carting them around, etc.)
OH! I thought your SD was an
OH! I thought your SD was an adult and was just visiting. I guess I agree with your DH. If I got BS7 EOWE, I would make sure he had a bed made up for him when he got there. And if I had a guest who I knew was coming I would also make sure a bed was made up for them. I don't know that it is babying.. just being hospitable?
Really? If your BS was almost
Really? If your BS was almost 17 and came every other week, you'd always have the bed in his room made up? What if he was a full-time resident rather than a part-time resident? Would you still make his bed for him at almost 17 years old?
I wouldn't do this for full-time bios. It's high time they learn to make up their own beds at 17.
TBH, this is probably not a
TBH, this is probably not a hill for you to die on. DH wants this done? He can make the beds too right?
Girl should be making her bed daily once she arrives. I don't know the schedule of her arrival and departures.. but it is not out of the realm of reasonableness to expect her to strip sheets and put new back on the bed when she leaves. DH should tell her of this expectation.
The problem is that kids don't know what is expected of them in some double secret probation way. They need to be taught-told-reinforced.
Yeah...he's the one making up
Yeah...he's the one making up the beds, and I really don't care that much. Not going to die on the hill
I expressed that I think it's ridiculous and that's the last I'll say about it.
The thing is, as I commented above, she DOES know it's expected of her. She's been told many times...and it's something that DH made all the kids do when they were younger as part of their getting settled in and packing up routine. I don't understand why we're reverting now that she's almost grown and will, conceivably, have to keep her bed made up for herself in the very near future. If DH is worried that sleeping on a bare mattress is unhealthy (which it is), doesn't that make it even more important to continue to enforce and build the bed-making habit now?
Yes, honestly I would. I
Yes, honestly I would. I guess maybe I'm a Disney mom? :?
To me, there's a difference in making your mad (like every morning type thing) and putting clean sheets on a bed. Yes, I would make up a bed for my 17 year old, I would NOT however make his bed every day.
TwoofUs.... come on woman be
TwoofUs.... come on woman be a good SM..... this is what I do with the spare bedroom }:)
2 sets of bedding, one set always clean and ironed, in case family sleeps over I do the beds in new linen...
The other set }:) }:) always on the beds when the nice one is not there, this is to protect the mattress...
Aergia will have people sleeping over - every week-end different people, she never informs us.... then her cousins comes for long week-ends and holidays - those 2 girls marinate in perfume and hardly showers... every day just new perfume, and make up... added on that of the previous day.. I do not care, I never change that sheets....
And if SO forgot to tell me one of his brothers is spending a night.. well they sleep in that as well, I give a shit..
Aergia once complained about the bedding needs washing according to a over night guest, I looked at her and said - well your guest, you have to make sure they are comfortable, It's not my job...
When I visit my mom, I make
When I visit my mom, I make up my own bed. When I leave, I strip the sheets and if there are clean sheets available, I make it up for the next person.
I feel like parents always
I feel like parents always coddle their kids and most of the world tells step parents that they are wrong (even though they tend to think more logically than bio parent).