Good question. I'd love to see some responses where there is romance.

I'm in the same boat. There's no romance at all. We're intimate, but it's more of a release for him, and rarely anything special for me. We go through the motions of giving gifts at the right times, and go out to dinner alone monthly, but there isn't any real emotion to it all. When we went out do dinner last, he said to me in the car that he wanted to tell me that he thought I still look very pretty, but didn't want to say it so other diners could hear it. Why? Is it so awful to tell your wife that you think she is pretty??

We've been together 10 years and have 3 young children together. I am sad that the romance is gone, but I'm not about to end things over it. We don't dislike each other, and at my age I can't imagine the grass is truly greener elsewhere...

"I'm worried that maybe the years of frustration and resentment have taken their toll. My husband understands me a lot better now...he's responded to my issues well, for the most part. So the resentment is gone...but so is the romance? Is this what disengagement is? Am I just getting older and settling into my marriage? Or is something wrong?"

"I feel like he's getting so much more out of thus than I am...and it kills my feelings of love and romance."

This tells me that the resentment is not gone. Could just be me. Therapy?

in my case, I lost 100% of my respect for "Chef" due to:

1. The way he cowed in the face of the BM

2. The way I was never consulted on anything as regards visitation schedule etc

3. The way he turned a blind eye to the BM'S PAS and tolerated massive disrespect from the skids

4. The parenting by guilt never disciplining his children or saying no

5. The total disregard for anything I had to say even though I am an experienced parent

6. The way I turned invisible when this skids showed up

7. He expected me to be an ATM for him and the skids but have no input when it came to anything else

8. The way he expected me to subsidize him while he was purposely overpaying CS to the BM. he thought that overpaying the BM made him a good dad and bought into the myth that fathers that stuck up for themselves were simply deadbeat dads

9. The way he blamed me and turned on me when his kids eventually PASed out instead of blaming the BM and her family who were the real culprits- and to a lesser extent himself

10. Taking me completely for granted and expecting me to support him while he was overly generous with the BM and skids.

11. Showing ZERO appreciation for all the times I bailed him out of hot water that the BM and skids got him into. (EX. False CPS charges; IRS trouble courtesy of the BM, etc.)

12. Just generally being a miserable bastard because he allowed himself to be taken advantage of by the sainted "mother of his children" then conversely, having no problem telling me to step off when I very calmly express concern over a major issue that affects the both of us.

13. The way he would always tip toe around the BM and walk on eggshells but then he would have no problem bossing me around.

14. His constant insistence to be the king of the castle and the ruler from his throne when I'm the one that supports financially the both of us due to his massive CS.

Yep, we are roommates at best.

Hot and heavy romance here - we enforce a strict 9 PM bedtime for skids , we demand and enforce privacy, we lock out bedroom door , we go to bed early and talk a lot , we exercise together , we make time for ourselves . The skids do not run our lives .

My feelings for my husband can fluctuate from time to time. I find it incredibly unattractive when he does whatever BM wants him to do or when he gets scared of what she could do to him. The other bone of contention I have with him is when I witness a situation involving SD7 that I think he has mishandled. If it's something that affects me or my DD2 I'll often make a suggestion for how he should handle it. His first instinct is to tell me to stay out of it and mind my own business. But then 10 minutes later I'll see him take my suggestion and have everything work out. It would be nice if he would just skip the part where he tells me to stay out of it since he usually ends up following my advice after he thinks about it for a few minutes.

For the most part things are good though. We're having another baby in July. Our sex life hasn't been great because I've been pretty sick but it was fine before I got pregnant. I wouldn't really say we have a ton of romance though - not like we used to.

Setting aside private time and sticking to it. Have a mix of your favorite places to go and/or things to do along with trying something new (new food/recipe/movie/sexy time thing, etc).
It does sound like the resentment is still there. Have you tried couple's therapy? Or books about rekindling the love?
It's normal for the initial spark of love to dwindle (the honeymoon stage), but what replaces it is caring and trust at a real partnership level.

I am where you are. So many years of dealing with SD crap and gradually coming to realize that DH did not respect or appreciate me has left me indifferent at best. We don't even go out on dates, I'd rather spend my precious time (I work full time) with our kids. It's sad. I know he sees it, but he thinks I'm just a cold bi&ch, it couldn't possibly be anything to do with HIM.

I keep skid and husband separate. I've disengaged from the "parenting" aspect of what DH should be doing as a parent and focus on our marriage. Our marriage is between me and DH, not the skid or BM or anyone else outside of us. I'm always up for new things in the bedroom to keep things interesting. Could be as simple as a new pair of underwear or pantyhose. Also, unless I'm really really REALLY super duper tired, sex happens. Because, honestly, the fatigue disappears as soon as the fun starts. So much better than sitting there wishing something was happening. Thirty minutes to an hour less of sleep isn't going to hurt over the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes people think love is the intense crush/lust/roller-coaster of uncertainty that is usually part of the start of a romantic relationship. Because that lust can feel like intimacy when you're lonely.

But love is more complicated. There's sexual attraction, as well as care, responsibility, trust, connection, and intimacy.

And for people who are used to the roller-coaster - intense relationships that in hindsight weren't that great, for example - sometimes don't realize that less intense has nothing to do with less love.

But it's the responsibility part of love that means making an effort. Connect in the ways that feel good. For some reason, DH (almost) always has to initiate sex, even though I love sex with him! You'd think I'd be jumping those bones 2-3 times a day, but noooo... I can be lazy about that.

I think I know a certain DH who will be getting lucky a little later tonight...