So...quick question. How do other SM's handle holidays? Do you get the skids EVERY Thanksgiving, for example?

A little background about me: I'm a childless SM to three skids. SD19, SS17, SD15. I have a pretty great relationship with the younger two. The oldest quit coming over the second she turned 18...and I've never been so grateful for anything in my entire life. We are an EOWE family with a dinner on the off weeks, but the skids live five minutes away and they drive now, so we end up seeing them fairly frequently. I have been (for the most part) completely supportive of my husband's relationship with his kids. Even with the oldest one who treats him like dirt and who is certifiably evil. I have been married to my husband for five years, dating for two years before that.

I am also the oldest of six kids and have a large extended family. My dad was one of six, my mom is one of eight. My family went through a really devastating illness with my father (sick for 10 years, went undiagnosed/misdiagnosed for 7 of those years) who then died at 49. This has made us close in a way that I think my husband struggles to understand. My youngest sister is just 23...so only a few years older than evil oldest SD. I would love to see my sister more and be able to help her more. Especially because she is such a hard worker with a great attitude about life. Unlike oldest SD who is cruel to everyone...and the excuse is always that "she lost her dad at a young age." Bull**** Her dad didn't go anywhere! I did help my little sister with college a bit. I also have a niece and four nephews who I like to spend my time and resources on as well.

My issue is...I feel like my husband uses the kids as a giant trump card anytime I want to do something with my family. "But what about the children?!?!?!" is a constant refrain when I want to make a plan. Right now, I'd really like to spend Thanksgiving with my mom's family. We just lost my grandmother this summer, and all of my mom's siblings and all of my siblings and nieces and nephews are going. I feel like I'm going to be the only one not there. When I told my husband I wanted to go he said...it's not practical, spending 4 days celebrating Thanksgiving is ridiculous...plus, we have the kids and they won't know anyone, will be bored, etc. My response: "Let's switch weekends / not take the kids then. We've literally had them every Thanksgiving since we've been married. I don't think that's normal. Don't I get a turn just once?"

My husband gets incredibly defensive and upset when I suggest this. He says that I love and care about my family more than "our" family. He brings up the money and time I spend on my little half-orphaned sister and my niece and nephews as proof. Says: "Like it or not, my kids aren't going anywhere! They're almost grown and then you can have me to yourself!" He accuses me of hating his kids (This is ridiculous. Every member of his extended family has come to me privately to praise me for how well I get along with them and how comfortable they are with me.) Etc., etc., etc.

I say...is it not weird that we get them every Thanksgiving? Shouldn't we switch off with BM? I bring up the fact that I do TONS of stuff with his extended family. Tons and tons. I actually like his family...so it's not a problem...I just feel like there should be more reciprocity than there is. He says: "Yeah. That's because the kids need to stay in touch with their dad's family...and not do everything with their mom's family." I agree with his motives...but is it fair that, because I don't have kids, I have to give him first dibs on every holiday and then gratefully accept the leftovers?

He talks a lot about blending the family...but I don't feel like we're blending. I feel like I'm being completely assimilated.

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