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tryingtobecalm's picture

Submitted by tryingtobecalm on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 9:42am

So to cut a very long story short, I have a BS7. I married his dad when I was very young and niave. After a particularly bad beating and finding out he had been cheating on me since before we wer married, I finally saw sense and left. My son was 2 at the time.
I was on my own for the next 3yrs throughout which time my exH hardly ever saw his son. He never paid a penny towards his upbringing had no interest in his school, health etc. When my son was 5 I met my now DH. He is a really gud guy and is a fantastic stepdad my son thinks the absolute world of him. As soon as DH came on the scene my ex decides he doesnt like it and demands 'his rights'. I didnt wanna be the evil mum who stops her kid from seeing his father so I told him if he wanted to resume contact there wud have to be ground rules. If I'm truthful he has at least been consistent and turned up when he is supposed to. Jump foward to today and DH and I have finally saved up enough money to have a holiday. We booked it and then I texted ExH to tell him the dates that we will be away. Next news I get a text back saying I am cruel for taking his son away from him for two weeks and he just wont be able to bear it!!!

1. Your son has not had a holiday in 5yrs!!
2. Even whilst we wer married you went off on 6wk cruises to the red sea with your diving buddies.
3. You didnt see your son for months on end by choice b4 DH came on the scene.
4. You have never been to a parents evening at school or bought a school photo or even know his teachers name.
5. You have no clue who his doctor/dentist/asthma nurse is

And you wanna play dad of the decade and cry at the thought of not seeing him for 2wks!!! I dnt think so.

So what exactly do I text back ppl?

Comments

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 9:47am

Response: "Tough shit". Or "sux to be you" Or you could just text back Nothing. Who gives a rat's ass what he thinks?! I would tell him to not text or communicate with you unless it involved your son. And not his "feelings" regarding things.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 9:52am

I think you should say I'm sorry (even if you're not) and you can ask if he wants to take some extra time to make up for it. It's about acting like adults and being mature enough to be the bigger person for the greater good of your child...at least this is just IMHO.

tryingtobecalm's picture

Submitted by tryingtobecalm on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 10:05am

I am trying to be as mature as possible. He is engaged to a really nice girl (who I feel so sorry for she doesnt know whats about to hit her marrying him!!)
The last thing I want is to come accross as a crazy BM (I have enough on my plate with DH CARRRAZZZY ex)
Anyhow, I put in the original text he could have BS7 for 2wks wen we get back which I dont really want but Im trying to be fair. Nothing I do is ever gud enough! Im so sick of listening to him making out as if he dotes on my son when hes never been there for him!!!

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 10:11am

Good on you for trying to be fair. I know it's hard and annoying to have people take credit for something that they didn't do, but you know what, you come out a better person because of it and your son will take that and incorporate it into himself when he sees you consistently being the better person. I think we all want our children to grow up better than us. Smile

Vent away and rage but at the end of the day, you did a good thing.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 10:08am

Don't respond.

You were just informing him about your vacation, not requesting his permission to go.

tryingtobecalm's picture

Submitted by tryingtobecalm on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 10:28am

Yeh I'm hoping my son will see the difference. I dont stand for him disrespecting his dad as he has been doing a little recently. Altho I'm laughing and agreeing inside I always tell him 'hes your dad and he deserves your respect' and then mutter 'even if he is a total douche!' under my breath! I wouldnt mind but he announced to BS7 that he was taking him to Florida last yr (without checking in first I might add) BS7 was soooo excited and then he cancelled at the last minute! he is such a jerk. Even tho I hated the thought of him taking my son out of the country I said it was ok bcos DH and I couldnt afford to have a holiday last yr and I didnt want BS7 to miss out. How is it I can bite my tongue and let him do things I dont like and yet he cant!!

tryingtobecalm's picture

Submitted by tryingtobecalm on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 10:37am

No there is a big age gap... he had been married before and knew exactly how to manipulate me. He knew what he was doing he was the one who begged me for a child bcos he didnt wanna be an old dad and then cheated on me whilst I was unconcious in intensive care after giving birth to his firstborn child. The child he wanted so desperatly and then had nothing to do with. I guess this is why I struggle when he acts all cut up. He pays £10 a week and takes him to macdonalds EOW and that makes him a great dad in his eyes. I fought a heart condition, fluid on the brain and still brought up our son on my own. Now he wants to take the credit.... it irks me.