Ok, long story longer, SS8's quarterly report card came out a few days ago: 3 C's, and several notes home all month about acting up in class. I asked DH if possibly his darling little sperm trophy might need to be retested for ADD, and he blew up at me like an a**hole after Mexican buffet night. So I ended the arguement, which was basically him arguing that his kid is "normal" yet had behavioral problems because he has an auditory processing disorder. I said that you can't have it both ways. Anyway, I told him I was backing out, that it wasnt MY child, I was sorry I pissed him off, and he and the BM could do or not do what they want about SS8's grades and behavior.

Prior to the shit hitting the fan, I had emailed SS8's teacher to ask if she might point me in the right direction for some practice work for the kid to do, to help teach him to focus on tests better and follow directions. I also asked exactly what she is seeing in the classroom with SS8. Below is her email. I sent her email to my DH, with the statement that I emailed her prior to our argument, and that I was now 200% pulling back, and he and BM can choose to use this information as they see fit.

What do y'all think?

"I apologize for not replying yesterday. I get very easily distracted during the day. I appreciate the fact that you are concerned about SS8's progress.
During instruction and even test taking, I have to get SS8 back on task constantly. He very rarely completes any assignment without me constantly having to redirect. I have tried to pull him to my table when we are taking a test in the hopes that he would stay focused easier. I recall during one math test that he kept complaining that he didn't know what to do. I pulled his study guide, and every answer was correct on it. I was unsure as to how much help he is/was receiving on his study guide(s). Most of the time, they are exactly like the test with a few changes. On the math study guides, I just change the numbers. My theory is that if you have no problems on the study guide, then you should have no problems on the test. I even go over the study guide before we do the test. This gives them an opportunity to discuss anything they didn't understand. Alot of times, SS8 is playing with his clothes, rolling into other students, staring at the wall, playing with his fingers, etc. When we are doing whole group instruction, he has to sit in the front row separated from his friend.
When I am grading a test, if I see where they left questions blank, I give the test back the next day. I think maybe one time I had to give a test back because it was incomplete. I do know that he takes an extremely long time to take tests or do other classwork, because he "zones out" a lot. The only thing in math that I had really noticed he had problems was counting money.
His behavior does seem to be getting worse. It's never just one big thing that gets him in trouble, but an accumulation of little constant things throughout the day. I would like to think that most of the behaviors that are causing him to get an "N" are things that he knows are unacceptable (at lunch he'll hide behind his lunchbox while playing).
If I see another time in math that he is struggling with a certain objective, I'll let you know or just send something home. I think when students are at home, and they have the one-on-one supervision they do tend to do their work better. However, in the classroom I have 17 other students with 2 who really need the small group treatment. It does make it harder for me to be able to focus as much attention on SS8 as he may be used to. In some instances, I can't do too much prompting on a test because then I am inflating grades. I can pull him to my table to complete some assignments or tests in the future to try to keep him on track. I have done that in the past. It seems that some times he needs it and others he doesn't. If you have any suggestions for me, please let me know. I always welcome parental input-even step-parents :)."