the same way about my ss7. His voice is irritating, he has a horrible laugh, and we have nothing in common. not to mention he is a little carbon copy of his mother.
I also have a lot of resentment though. Resentment that his mom was the first to marry my husband and my ss7 was the first born. I thought it would be better when i had my child, only now there are more things to upset and annoy me about him . It has been 4 years already and im not sure when ill be able to move past it and enjoy him as a part of my life.

You fall in love with him/her, as soon as you see the tiny newborn face, you can't help but to love that child to no end, the very first second... is part of you, you are part of him/her...

NOW... did you fall in love the first time you saw your stepchild? HA! Yeahhhh RIGHTTTTTTTTtttt....

It doesn't work like that...

I used to take care of my SD4, and her mother wasn't around at all for a couple of months, and my husband worked until 5, she didn't go to school, I was stuck with her and my BS1 (around 10 months at that time) the whole entire day, and to tell you the truth I felt like a babysitter, I didn't have a special bond or anything with her, I never treated her wrong, but not like anything special, I would bathe her, feed her, and pretty much I tried to really interact with her as little as possible... Like yous SS, she was a decent child, I just didn't feel her as "mine"... But one day, I sarted thinking that if she didn't love me in the future it was probably because I didn't show her love, and she was the child and I;m the adult, right? so, I started changing with her, I started being more affectionate (it was kind of hard since I'm not naturally the most affectionate person) but I started kissing her telling her that I love her, doing things to bond with her, just "relaxing" more and "chilling" with her more, we would watch her shows together, and we would talk about it, or I would ask her to join me if I was listening to music, cleaning, watching TV, etc... to make her feel wanted... and good lord!!! it WORKED, soon the child started saying "i love you" and hugging me for no apparent reason, and it melted my heart...

Nowadays what once was an enforced behavior, became a natural one, and I found myself really "loving" this child afterall... Although I still have my days... the more time she spends at her mother's house (now she is active part of her life again) the more I find myself not wanting to do anything with her... it sucks... it's almost like "i gave up" and is just like, she already has a mother so she doesn't need anybody else to fulfill that role, and honestly if she spends like a week away from here, i wouldn't want her here, like I wouldn't really mind, but is not like OMG "i miss her", but if she is here, I don't want her to leave... its really weird...

All I can say, is try, try to find ways to bond with this child, and ways to include him, even though you might not feel like it, just start doing it, and at one point *hopefully* it'll come naturally...

Hey, you shouldn't feel bad, because anything you think about your skids cannot possibly be as bad as the way I feel about mine. I can't stand anything about them and have totally come to terms with that. I'm not trying to like them anymore (love=hahahahahahahaha yeah right) and just focus on not being around them as much as possible. As an adult, I am aware that their problems are not their faults, but I can't stand anything about them. My two main problems are their behavior and their innate personalities. Because they are "raised" like wild wolves by their BM they have the worst behavior I have ever seen in children. They barely tow the line with me and my DH, but even when they are being well behaved, there is absolutely nothing likable or pleasant about them. I have babysat and worked with kids as jobs and I have never disliked any kids like my skids (lucky me). Both of them are incredibly stupid and selfish. The SS10 talks like he is in kindergarten and cannot finish a thought or verbalize anything coherent. This doesn't stop him from talking incessantly and interrupting frequently. He is socially completely incompetent and stares weirdly with giant boggling eyes (like his mother). He stands too close to people, crashes into strangers and is incredibly clumsy. Taking him anywhere in public is exhausting and takes constant vigilance to make sure he doesn't break something or crash into a stranger. He will go up to random strangers and start bragging about himself (he repeats what his mother tells him, which is that he is a genius and a prince). I feel like wearing a t-shirt that says "they aren't mine!" so no one thinks that I would ever raise such weird, stupid and socially bizarre kids. The SS4 is whiny, self-centered and badly behaved. He whines constantly about wanting things and is clingy and needy with my DH. If attention isn't on him, he makes sure that it is. He constantly yammers on in an annoying affected lisp about things that would be cute in a one year old. He is four and can't go to the bathroom by himself or do anything by himself and wets himself constantly. He has a whiny little voice and talks in babytalk (encouraged by the BM, who thinks her son is adorable rather than the whiny little brat he is). He is receiving no education at all and at the age of four he just learned his colors and says "lellow" instead of "yellow" because he gets attention for being "cute" by the BM. Both I and my DH correct this and he is fully capable of talking normally and saying words correctly, but chooses to say everything in a faky baby voice with mispronunciations of every other word. The BM (who is crazy and socially inappropriate herself) is completely deluded about her children and seems to think they are wonder-kids. She knows exactly what I think of them and so makes a point to praise them loudly whenever I am present, it's so pathetic and laughable. Both of them are ugly to boot and are so obnoxious and unpleasant to be around that even my family will only babysit them in an emergency. I come from a very kid-friendly family and no one in my family can stand them. I have friends that won't come and visit when the kids are there because they can't stand being around them at all. If you stripped away their bad behavior and ignored the stupidity and social ignorance, there is still nothing likable about them at all. They are both so self-centered that all they think about are what they want at any given moment and they are never happy or appreciative of people doing nice things for them. They are completely ungracious and unappreciative of treats and presents. If they are given a gift, they don't say thank you and complain about wanting something different. At Christmas they throw clothes and toys they don't like aside and it wouldn't occur to them that someone was thoughtful enough to give them a gift. They are just so unpleasant and unlikable that there is no way that I could possibly like them. I simply don't understand how my DH can actually love them, but I guess there is that biological tie that ensures that kids like them don't get abandoned by the side of the road. At least he is completely aware of their issues and knows exactly how I feel about them and understands as much as he can. The BM's attitude mystifies me as I don't know how she doesn't face up to the fact that her kids are nightmares. She actually enjoys being around them, which I simply can't understand. She lets them run completely wild and feeds them sugar and fast food constantly and lets them get away with the most outrageous bad behavior. She doesn't seem to be aware that her kids are incredibly stupid and far behind other kids their ages as well as completely weird and unpleasant. She is incredibly stupid herself and lives in complete denial about most things in her life, so I guess it makes sense that she would be in complete denial about her messed up kids. I would feel so guilty and be ashamed if my own kids turned out like them. Other than genetic stupidity, the majority of their problems could be cured with the right parenting. They need to actively be taught how to socialize and be given intensive help with getting their general levels up to other kids their age. Compared to the children of my sisters, they are practically retarded. My nephew is two and a half and is incredibly sweet, smart, funny and affectionate as well as already being totally well behaved and socially well adjusted. He is a little ray of sunshine and I would give anything to have skids even close to being like him. I could go on for pages and pages about problems with the skids, but it's too depressing. I don't try to like them anymore and I don't feel guilty about hating them because I would have to be a saint or insane to like them. I can't stand being around them for more than a few seconds and their voices alone make me want to vomit. I dread our custody time and as soon as I hear their whiny complaining voices coming home from school, my stomach clenches and I want to scream. Every single time we pick them up they are either whining or asking for something. I spent months hiding in my room when they were at our house, but now I try to get out of the house and my DH makes sure to keep them out of the house as much as possible for my sake. On weekends that we have them, I go stay with family or visit friends. When I get really depressed by being around them when I can't avoid them, I go spend time with my nephew that lives close by and it's so soothing and comforting to be around a child that I adore. I can get in lots of cuddles and smiles and spend time with a child that is intelligent and sweet and it completely restores my mood. When my DH and I have a baby (planned for next year or the one after) I will be able to completely focus on our baby and it will be such a relief. So anyway, the point of all my long rambling is that no step-mom (or step-dad for that matter) should ever feel guilty for not liking or loving their skids. We have no biological ties to these kids and they are only in our lives because we married their parent. There is no obligation to like them and when they are nightmare brats like mine, it is simply impossible to like them and it would take a lobotomy and a lot of valium for me to ever be able to enjoy being around them. The way I think about it is that they are people and not very nice ones and I don't have to like them. I am incredibly nice to them despite my opinions and do what I can for them, but I sure don't have to like them and enjoy making fun of them with my friends and family to blow off steam and frustration. The BM got fat and pushed them out of her body and she is free to love them, but I sure don't have to. My new favorite number is 18 and the day when those two brats no longer live with us will be a day for serious celebration. My advice to anyone dealing with a similar situation is to find a friend or family member that you can vent to without any restraint. Don't feel guilty about not liking them or even hating them as long as you are kind to them (but not a pushover) and not abusive it's all a go. If you can't vent to anyone, write in a journal and vent there. Try to spend as little time with them as possible and treat yourself to time with friends out of the house when the skids are there. Other than that, try to detach and be proud and thankful that the little brats aren't yours.

some of the previous posters...

StepMadre:
"there is that biological tie that ensures that kids like them don't get abandoned by the side of the road." ... BRILLIANT !!!

Now, although I understand where you are coming from, and sometimes when you don't like someone you can't force yourself to like that person, i understand that, but in your specific case, are you SERIOUSLY willing to live such a stressful life, you say you want them to be 18, the youngest is 4, Good lord, those are many years that you are going to waste "hating or disliking" these children. So honestly you might wanna re think this whole situation and the whole "having a baby in the future" situation, do you want your baby to have the example of these brats? Ultimately, I believe that your two stepsons must go to counseling, and maybe with professional help BM, DH and YOU will find a way of dealing with them... I wouldn't stay in a relationship with a stepkid that I disliked as much as you dislike your SS's... honestly...

BLM: I do understand where you are coming with this "You cannot force yourself to love this kid, or even like this kid." but I will have to disagree with you in this other one "after all you joined the relationship for the father, not the kid. " and you even contradicted yourself later on... when you are about to marry a man with kid(s) you basically marry both of them (in a way) because unless you don't wanna be part of this man's life, that child will always be part of your life as well, so I don't think that "hate the child but find someone to vent to" is the right solution, that is a waste of a life, how would I live with a child that I hate?, something must be done, either the child goes to live somewhere else, or I go to live somewhere else...

Well, your case sure sounds extreme, she wanted to kill your baby, and then hurt her? ARE YOU FUCKN KIDDING ME? I don't know what I would have done with this evil child in your case, I am curious though, how did she hurt her?

G

I have a soon to be SS9 and he annoys me to the point of wanting to jump off a bridge at times. I have always thought that he annoyed me so much because I can't stand his mother but like you said...everything he does makes me cringe. He can be a disrespectful brat but he can also be really sweet and it doesn't matter it's like I just don't like him. I feel like a horrible person, like I am evil but I am not!!! It has made me doubt if I even want kids of my own now because everything he does annoys me and it has made me think I am a bad person who shouldn't have kids. Do you think we are just having trouble bonding because they are boys? I have friends who have little girls and they are so sweet and I immediately bonded with them and geniunely loved them. I just can't bond with this kid. He is constantly moving around, talks ALL the time...I mean never shuts up, even in movies...he repeats commercials and scenes from movies...ummm yeah hello I just saw it too I don't need a replay of it! I can hardly even stand to play games with him because he annoys me so much...like he tells me what room I should go into when we play Clue or moves my man for me when we play Monolopoly. He is a poor sport when he isn't winning and pouts and always wants a re-roll or a do-over cause that's what mommy lets him do! It makes me sad because I too do not like forget love my fiance's son. Don't get me wrong I am not mean to him but kids aren't stupid. He has to know I can't stand him. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me that I can't stand this kid.

my FSS6, he is almost 7 and annoys me to no end. I too cannot stand to be around him for the most part.

Amers: I too have a major problem with the whining, the talking way too much, bossiness while playing games with me, the "re-rolls" and pouting while playing games, the jumping around, ect. It sickens me! That may sound callous, but I feel his behavior is ridiculous.

My FSS6 can too be sweet and nice and then bratty, but even when he is sweet and nice I still find myself annoyed.