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Hope this site is more forgiving than mumsnet

Tempmum's picture

Submitted by Tempmum on Mon, 04/06/2020 - 11:57am

Just found this site and viewed a couple of posts, people seem quite supportive and forgiving on here. I moved in with my partner bought a house together) last summer and between us we have 5 teenage/adult children living with us full time. The issue is his son drives me crazy, I get on fine with both his daughter and son but I find his son irritating due to his lack of personal hygiene and his laziness. I know there is not a lot I can do and just need to remind myself he is a good kid and I need to chill out. I can normally cope quite well with it but now we are on lock down the fact he just sits in his dirty pit all day and night playing on his games is driving me to distraction. 

 

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Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/06/2020 - 12:01pm

Did you get the "you knew he had a kid" and "love him like your own" and "if you love your partner you should love their kid too" on mumsnet? People dont understand because the realities of step life are still taboo to talk about. So they just parrot nonsensical unhelpful BS.

Tempmum's picture

Submitted by Tempmum on Tue, 04/07/2020 - 2:56am

Yes and more they were really nasty, I just wanted to vent a bit so it doesn't escalate in my head. Other things they said:

he is 17 his body and room and none of your business, leave him alone.

how would you feel if you partner hated your kid and didnt hide it (wow I never said I hated him)

if you don't like how your partner parents his kids do you really think the relationship is going to work!

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Mon, 04/06/2020 - 12:17pm

Welcome!!

How old is he? What are his responsibilities around the house? Is he working and going to school?

I have a 20yr old special needs SS that lives with us 100% of the time. His mom only pops up for a phone call or crazy text 1-2 per year. It is really hard sometimes. 

Tempmum's picture

Submitted by Tempmum on Tue, 04/07/2020 - 3:00am

he is 17, he has no responsibilities around the house.  He is at college and does go every day but doesnt do any work at home.  He is a good kid but just very lazy.

Your situation must be really hard, well done you.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 04/07/2020 - 6:21am

Why doesn't he have chores? I tell people all the time that if my Autistic, Bi-Polar, Anxiety Disorder, ADHD stepson can work, go to welding school at night and do a few chores- so can yours!!

SS's job is the dishes every night. He has to unload the dishwasher, out everything away and reload. Now, I can't for the life of me get him to rinse the sink, run the garbage disposal, wipe off the counter or put any food that was left out away- because that is not his direct chore LOL, but he does have to do his direct chore daily. He also has to clean his room weekly and wash his sheets. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 04/06/2020 - 2:09pm

Nope - no judgement here! Well - if your husband/partner/SO is an idiot there will be a bit of judgement, but for me its more like the digital smackdown I need so that I dont continue to drink the coolaide.

About the SS  - have a chat with your SO. Get him on the same page as you are. Your home is your sanctuary, plus you pay the bills, so you need to get things where its livable. Start with SO.

Then have SS do chores, etc.