My children hate my future husband...but have a worthless father..now what??
I have 4 children a son 22, a son 18 and 2 children that live with me and my fiance a daughter who is 16 and a son who is 13. My ex-husband and his "piece of work" new wife and I do not get along and they bad mouth me to my kids (mostly my daughter) any chance they get so it is stressful at our house. My fiance's ex-wife is just a worthless piece of trash. We both have 50/50 custody of our kids but my 2 children never go to their dads because it would "disrupt" his new happy family and my kids really don't like him (unless he is going shopping), he puts them down and is very negative with them. Sooo needless to say we never have a weekend without children around. In the last year my kids have seen their dad less than 10 times and he refused to spend christmas with them or buy them presents because he was mad at them. WOW..mature! So...both of my kids have some anger issues that tend to come out on my fiance. He really loves my kids and tries to be their and do things for them but they just show no respect and I yell at them all the time. Today I heard "he isn't our dad he's just your boyfriend he cant tell us what to do" My daughter has threatened to move back to her dad's if I marry him, I haven't told her we set a wedding date of June 17 -less than 3 months away. I'm not even going to tell her. My daughter has a trucker's mouth and every other word is F*#k or I don't give a F*#k...I think it's the anger from the abandonment of her dad. Their father has said in the past "you chose to go live with your mother, you stay down there and leave us alone and we'll leave you alone" What 16 year old girl wants to hear that? BUT their dad sure is quick to call if one of them gets a bad grade so he can degrade me and yell at the kids. I guess I'm really getting tires of his and his wife's harassing texts or phone calls when the kids do something wrong, it's the only time he even makes contact with them. He actually gave me 50/50 custody and he pays health insurance "as long as I didn't have to pay child support or anything else" It's all about money for him. The harassing texts got worse when I filed for child support a few months ago and it just makes the kids on edge and feel like they have to try and make everyone happy. I think this is why my fiance gets treated like crap. I won't even get started on how much I can't stand his kids or how his exwife teamed up with MY exhusband to try and dig up dirt on us for court (that she lost in)...it's drama and hell everyday!
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Wow...while I sypathize with
Wow...while I sypathize with what your kids are going through, that's no reason for a 16 year old to treat an innocent FSD that way. It's your job as the parent to ensure that your children treat you and your chosen partner with respect...really now...if she hates her dad THAT MUCH, do you really see her moving in with him over the guy that "loves them so much"??
Is it your FDH that she has an issue with or will it be any man that you (GOD FORBID!!!) chose to have as your husband?
My SS8 has been taking his anger he feels towards his lame-o mom out on me as she's not close enough. My FDH put a quick stop to that because it's NOT ok that SS disrespect ME because he has issues with his BM.
Yeah your probably right, she
Yeah your probably right, she would probably have an issue (or come up with one) no matter who I was with. She has figured out the "divorce game" and tries to play it. I don't like it or play the game and her dad and his excuse for a wife like to play games. I'm at the point where I really wouldn't care if she did go back to her dads but I know she won't because he runs a "prison" there. No one is aloud to be a kid or a teenager and at least I give the kids a little rope until they hang themselves with it...then we start over. No matter what she needs to start caring and showing some respect for my fiance and me. They have lived with me for over a year and it took me 8 years to get them so I think I babied them a little to much because their dad did deprive them and fill their heads full of crap about me. So I do take my share of the blame. My ex use to have full custody(went from 50/50 to 100% for him back to 50/50) long story, stupidity on my part. But during his full custody years he used that against me and would say "I have custody I say where and when they go with you" I would call to get the kids for a weekend and he would say "why do you need them for a whole weekend, what are you going to do? I think a couple hours is enough"...I never knew I could have filed contempt of court charges on him until I started getting my BS in criminal justice.I've learned a lot!!!...My ex just doesn't care that everything he says and does effects the kids in a negative way because he is so focused on hurting me. In the end my kids are hurting and my poor fiance gets crapped on, and I'm stressed trying to keep the peace. My daughter thinks she can "run the show" no matter what it is or who is onvolved...won't she be surprised when 2 or 3 months after I'm married she finds out!
Um...not really sure where to
Um...not really sure where to start. I don't know your whole background or anything, but this whole abandonment thing as an excuse to treat people badly is BULLSHIT!!! My parents divorced when I was 12. My dad literally wanted NOTHING to do with us (and he basically was a SAHD for the majority of my childhood). He moved 3 BLOCKS away from us and never wanted us (I say us meaning me and my 2 brothers) to come over. He abandoned us, so to speak, and he actually told me at 16, that I wasn't his daughter anymore, I consistently disappointed him for the past 10 years (really? since I was six?) and that I acted more like an ex-wife than a daughter (only because his psycho girlfriend at the time literally tried to kill my mom, so I told him I wouldn't see him if she was around). My father didn't talk to me for 5 years, kicked my brother and his 2 small kids out of his home during the week of Christmas (because his girlfriend wouldn't move back in w/him if my brother and his kids were there). Now let me say, that I DO NOT TREAT MY STEP DAD LIKE SHIT! I am not a huge fan of my SD, but he loves my mom. He shows her more attention and love that my dad ever did, and that is what makes me happy. I know I don't have to like him, but I have to RESPECT him. And as long as he makes my mom happy, I will be happy. Your kids sound like they need to learn how to respect someone. I know that now at 26, if I even said "fuck" in front of my mom, I would still get popped in the mouth. It's just disrespectful. Your kids need to understand that they don't have to like who your with. There is a certain level of respect that they should show solely because he is helping to raise them. He is PROVIDING for them, which is more than their bio dad seems to be doing. If I were you, I'd call her bluff on living with him. But I'd make sure to say, "no backsies". Once you make a choice to move there, you're there....:)