Engagement and marriage
This is a what do you think a person should do post.
When you are divorced and you get engaged or remarried do you think you have to or should tell the ex or they should tell you if they are?
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Comments
If someone else is going to
If someone else is going to be living with your bio and involved in their life then yes they should know.
Only if you are or the ex is
Only if you are or the ex is marrying an ax murderer or pedophile and there are children involved, otherwise it's non of anyone else's business.
Nope!
Nope!
No, except in certain
No, except in certain situations, like mustang mentioned.
I get what zero is saying but let's face it, if a person is serious with somebody and a kid is involved, the ex already knows that there is somebody else in their kid's life.
I am sure there are people
I am sure there are people who would love to rub that in their exes face.
I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the circumstances in each individual situation.
I agree, as each situation is
I agree, as each situation is different.
Low conflict, cooperative parenting dynamic? Sure. High conflict, mentally disordered abusive ex? Nope.
Nope - you are under no
Nope - you are under no obligation to tell your X that you are getting remarried.
None of his business
I personally am a fan of my
I personally am a fan of my personal life is private and have no real desire to know about his.
I don't think the ex needs to
I don't think the ex needs to know until you ARE married and, even then, only if it means you're moving in or ailimony needs to be stopped or something like that. If you've already been living together, nope. None of their business.
Right, but you can choose to
Right, but you can choose to not let your kids sleep over at the friend's house if you get a bad vibe from the parents.
Not much you can do if you don't like the ex's girlfriend and ex has visitation rights.
I'm not saying it's not a good thing to meet adults that your kids are going to be around but meeting them doesn't mean a whole lot.
But the parent living with
But the parent living with the person has already met him/her. I like to meet my kids' friends 'parents first also, but it doesn't take both DH and I meeting them to allow our children to visit them. And so what, you meet the ex's SO, you don't like him or her, so what? Your opinion isn't going to matter and you can't keep the person away from your ex or your kids, unless he or she is a proven danger. Insisting on meeting your ex's new SO just comes across as controlling. I could have happily gone the entire last 14 years without meeting my DH's ex wife. We are completely irrelevant in each other's lives.
I don't remember how BM found out we were getting married, I guess the kids must have told her. She asked DH if she was invited to the wedding. He laughed in her face and asked if he was invited to hers, to which she of course said no. Idiot.
I don't think there is a need
I don't think there is a need to specifically bring it up, unless it changes something major. I know ex is dating someone, met her previously today as she was there when he picked up BS9. Both waved and said "hi". She lives in Canada, him Ohio, both have kids with active other parents so doubt they are going to be living together anytime soon. Ex has been more normal recently and I credit her with that (last GF was psycho and it was a nightmare - ex has apologized since).
I am coming up on a year dating BF. Ex asked if I was seeing someone cos BS9 mentioned BF. I said yes, ex asked if he was "ok" I said "yes". He wanted more and I just said "BF is a fire fighter, they do checks every year, so you don't need to worry". We have not really discussed each other's partners further.
Now, when I move in with BF, ex will need to know as BS9 will change school districts. Ex lives in a different school district to me and BF in a third. So, he will need to know where BS9 is going to school. Fortunately I have ex on record moaning about current school district and lamenting his being worse, and calling BF's school district the only decent one in the county. So, he will have a pretty hard time arguing if he tries!
Otherwise, information should be need to know. He has no need to know if we get married, for example.
If there are kids involved,
If there are kids involved, they're probably aware and telling them would be moot.
No kids? None of their effing business.
No. Why in the world would
No. Why in the world would someone tell an ex. Even if you have kids, it is not as if you get a vote or a veto in the situation. In my opinion it does nothing but cause drama.
BM used to tell us about each and every guy she supposedly got serious with. And she became serious with a guy about every 3 months. We didn't ask, didn't care, and knew she was messing up the skids. But we could do,,, nothing.
my parents never told
my parents never told eachother, they told us and it just came out in conversation within each house.
we didnt tell dumb@$$. or the boys, for that matter, or the IL's! we told the boys and IL's we "done gone and got hitched" (lol) when we got back in town. i'm sure dumb@$$ heard something about it from the kids.
i dont really think it's necessary unless the kids are all extremely young.
Nope. We didn't tell BM and
Nope. We didn't tell BM and I'm sure we won't hear anything from her either. At the end of the day the ex can't change the fact you are married or getting married in X amount of days so there's no point in telling them. If they care enough to cause problems then be assured they will find out almost immediately.
My DH and I kept our wedding
My DH and I kept our wedding secret and low-key. We didn't even tell my DS (well, he knew we were going to get married but not specifics) because we wanted to make sure the skids didn't know so BM wouldn't know and try some craziness!
BM found out when we sent the skids home with their new insurance cards (under my employer) that listed my name as misSTEP DH'slastname.
Weddings are everywhere right
Weddings are everywhere right now in my world...lol.
So the first ex Mrs. Loon is getting remarried on Saturday to the man she has been with for the last 10 years. He is a great guy, my former skids love him as well...heck even my mom & dad who have met him think he is great.. ( i know craziness 2 ex wives that are friends and their families as well ). She got an annulment so my ex has been beside himself over that one. He has to know a wedding is nearing but has no idea that it is this weekend. BS, fiance and I are attending btw :).
The first week of February I got engaged to the man I have been with for 2 years in August. I have not said anything to my ex as we do not speak for the most part and only email if it pertains to BS's health or education. We had parent teacher conferences shortly after I got my ring. I didn't take it off but I didn't flaunt it ( kind tried to hide it).
In March BS came home and announced that his dad had bought his GF a ring so that she would never leave him, but they weren't getting married. Ex has now told all 3 boys they are engaged. Last weekend he asked BS if the ring he saw me wearing meant the same as GF's and BS said yes. ( he told BS he saw the ring at conferences) Now I personally could care less what they do. All I care is that GF is nice to BS and BS loves her so I am good.