DH regularly accuses me of not liking his kids and this weekend, I told him that he was right. They are not terrible kids, but they are largely unparented and are now getting rude. I realize I also have a DH problem and I've told him that, too. 

One SS is positively enmeshed with BM. He gives her the play-by-play of every visit he is with us. They will be in contact anywhere from 2 to 6 times a day on his EOWE visits and then he gives her a recap of everything when he gets home. It's not as if he's telling her how much he loves us or how much fun he had. It's also things that seem inoccuous on the surface, but which become key talking points for BM (how we ignore him or withhold food from him or he's bored while he's with us). 

This SS also has what I kindly refer to as "a casual relationship with the truth", always has. He was the kid who likely blamed everything on other kids starting in toddler-hood. Or because DH and BM were both wimps, when he would get in trouble, he would cry and they would comfort him. He also has always cheated on games, still does and then gets mad when he is caught cheating. This weekend, he was dishonest about something that impacted our weekend plans. It wasn't something we couldn't figure out, but it meant he indicated that some criteria was met for a friend to join us and then it wasn't true. I was upset and called him out on it, telling him that being dishonest was not okay. DH of course, tried to make the peace. I told DH that BM lies about anything, so his kids need to be extra clear on the difference between truth and lies and how lying is not a good trait to develop. 

This SS also has a tendency to want to invite friends over and they come for the entire weekend. We live close enough that we could take the friend home. When he has a friend, he is entertained, but he wants to be shuttled everywhere or taken out to do things and he is more likely to damage things. There have been several occassions when the friend was supposed to go home and stayed and DH acted like there was nothing he could do about it. I realize this is a DH problem, because this kid shouldn't be calling the shots. But, this kid acts like he makes all the decisions. We went skiing this weekend and I said that I wanted to leave by 1:30pm. Kid said, "I want to stay later! I'll just text my mom to tell her we're staying later." DH, of course, was sitting there oblivious. I again reiterated, "no, we'll leave at 1:30pm." 

The other SS also constantly texts BM, telling her whenever we tell him we can't do something - like drop everything and drive him to flag football because BM forgot to tell us it was going on and we're actually out of town. He also needs constant reassurance that he is great and wonderful. For example, he now has to tell us all the time how he has all As, although really, I don't think he actually has all As, I think his grades have just been changed to As. I think this because his assessment scores indicate he is well below grade level and he's changed three teachers this year because they were "too hard", one was changed because he was getting a C. He also always has several missing homework assignments and regularly gets in trouble for misbehaving in class. So, either he's a latent genius or his grades are being revised to give him all As. BM has had him diagnosed with OCD over his grades and he may or may not be taking anti-anxiety medication. Again, this is not entirely his fault, but I find it really off-putting that he's a) so needy; and b) that we're supposed to praise him for something that seems false. 

Really, these last few visitations have been really trying. I feel like I have to watch what I say, hide anything personal, and being on my best Suzy Sunshine behavior when they're around and then also put up with all of their BS and refusal to contribute even the little things (like picking up their own trash). DH and I had sort of a blow-out over this yesterday and it has not been resolved. 

SKids are almost in high school. I'm hoping they will decide to stop coming, although now that DH has indicated he won't fight to make them come, BM has told him that he "can't change the visitation schedule without [her] approval." The BM games are getting tiring.