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Is it possible that OH feels he is losing his closeness in losing the room!?

stressedstep's picture

Submitted by stressedstep on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 8:01am

OK, I know a few have been following my blogs, but after replying to some comments something occurred to me regarding the room change and the moving of SD7s belongings!!........

Is it possible that OH is actually feeling sorry for himself, rather than feeling sorry for SD7...maybe looking for issues with SD7 that are not there?

Is it possible that he feels that although the change has to and will happen, that in SD7 not having her own room, that he feels more distanced from her than he does now?

Is it possible that thats why he initially wanted BD7s room halved to suit SD7 solely until I said no and MIL agreed that it couldnt happen as it wasnt fair on BD7?

See, if SD7 has her own room, he has somewhere to go, its a spot that is hers and hers alone, her things, her personality, a constant of SD7 when she isnt there?

Does anyone get what I mean???

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 9:20am

Yes, they do like their "shrine."
Yes, I did get LOTS of resistance (downright NASTINESS from Chef) when I tried moving YSS's stuff
Yes, in my case, Chef finally accepted that I was getting rid of YSS's stuff.

In short, don't worry about it. He'll get over it.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 9:32am

I agree with the others. Just do it and don't discuss it anymore. When SD left at 14 DH kept her room a shrine for about a year. Finally, I started getting rid of some things in the closet that she would have outgrown and then he just did it all, he put two boxes in the attic and got rid of everything else. I never discussed it with him. It was his to work out. You need to stop feeding this and just do what needs to be done. He will get there, just give him time, but don't feed into the drama.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 9:42am

Exactly! Whatever you do, do NOT discuss this stuff with him. Men don't like to talk about their feelings, generally speaking. They take it as a sign of weakness and will just get angry with you.

The less said the better.

stressedstep's picture

Submitted by stressedstep on Wed, 11/12/2014 - 2:16am

Hi All...Thankyou!!!

I do think things, but this sort of thought happened as I was commenting on something else! lol....It seems that each time I bring up the issue of moving the things, he is reluctant all of a sudden to discuss or sort out.....he will say good things like "Oh, Ill sit with SD7 and we can go through her things on Friday/Saturday (whichever day we have her) and get them moved"...then the day arrives, and nothing...even if I remind him, still nothing...this is really whats bugging me....yesterday, I asked him to speak with BM about the stuff, explained what was there etc, and he was like "yeah, OK".....NOTHING!

OH wont allow me to move anything, being pregnant, and after the gest. diabetes positive, he even more reluctant to allow me to do anything, so I cant even move the stuff out the way myself....In truth, when the bunk beds and cot are delivered, they wont fit in the room!

I agree with the comment to the "shrine", I do get that to be honest...sometimes he would pop his head in the door when she wasn't there.....but he also has this "oh, poor poor SD7" thing cos of how BM is and can be....but its frustrating for me, as I want to do what any mom prepares to do a with every child...I cant help that BM doesn't do things as I do and Im not about to change what I do because BM doesn't...that means MY KIDS sacrifice for BM.......

Think I may just try and move her things myself.....or Ill force the issue this weekend as he isn't working.....