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I dont know ho deal with this!

Stpmum11's picture

Submitted by Stpmum11 on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 11:06am

Me and my husband have been toghether for 4 years. Met my ss when he was 10 months,hes 5 now. Loved it didnt have any problems with him. Thats until we had our first child, a girl this past november. Bio mom found out and her jealousy got the best of her. Completely stop taking care of her son. She sent him to live with us, which we have no room for but whatever he sleeps in a big storage closet. We have him throughout the week and she gets him weekends. He always comes back dirty, and hungry and slower(mentally). When she does have him she drops him off to anybody that is willing to watch him. She spends no time with him, no money, and has nothing to give him as his mother. My husband expects me to pick up all her slack and its really annoying! He cant read, count and cant even tell his left from right. He cries over everything and always want his "mommy". I cant help to focus on my daughter, and try not to make it obvious that I favor her. It used to be easy just seeing him on sundays, playing stepmom and sending him back to his mother. But now I feel all the responsibility is on me and I resent him and his mother for it. My husband works all the time so hes with me most of the time and it just feels like im babysitting. My husband wishes id love him the way he does, but thats just not possible. Im really trying to make the best out of the situation but it gets really hard sometimes.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:10pm

That is why I did not marry my DH until the skid was almost out of high school. I knew there could ALWAYS be a chance of him moving in. DH is the boys father, so I would not expect him to NOT take his son.

First off…do you work? If not you need to get a job so you are not stuck watching the kid. If you don’t want to work, then I do think you have some responsibility to watch the kid, DURING the day. After DH is home, then it should ALL be on him.

PS..he needs a room, not a closet.

Rainbow.Bright's picture

Submitted by Rainbow.Bright on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 4:07pm

I feel like what you are going through is normal. It's a difficult thing to suddenly be responsible for a child that you do not have a deep connection with, and almost overnight.

I also think that though your emotions and resentment are totally normal and it's ok to feel them, you are going to have to decide what you need to do about the situation. Not taking care of him does not seem like it's an option for you, but maybe there are some things you can do to make the situation better. Can you enroll him in preschool a few days a week? Maybe you can work with him (gently) on being respectful and well behaved. I know that so many children actually crave boundaries and respond very well to them. It gives them a sense of security in a very unpredictable world.

I'm not saying that you should love him like your own, or treat him like your own because you don't feel that toward him and it's unfair to demand. But if you work on building more positive interaction with him, the situation will probably become a lot more tolerable for you. You don't have to love him, you don't have to coddle him, but work on being positive and giving him boundaries because it will benefit the both of you.