What a relief to have this community back! I had my first real "conversation" with BM last week on Facebook. It was wild! It lasted for about 45 minutes, & I was completely drained by the end of it. I was missing Steptalk something fierce, & wishing I could just sign on & ask for answers. I did manage to muddle my way through it, however, I can't claim it graceful. I was completely unprepared for the sh!t slinging. I'm not sure why. Knowing what I know about her, I should've been prepared for nothing less.

I didn't participate or respond to the comments she made about her relationship with DH. I made a point to kepp my comments centered on the skids. I let her know, after the first message she took a stab at him in, that I didn't feel it was my place to fight his battles. He's a grown man & speaks for himself. I don't feel right expressing his feelings or opinions for him. I don't know if she was trying to get me upset enough to bite back. She has been known to throw insults openly to the skids. I have always made a point not to do it, & hope they recognize that difference in character between us. Based on the comments she made, it's clear to me that she still hasn't moved on from her relationship with DH. It's like she's still in the moment & still just as bitter as she was 11 years ago when they split the last time. She has not healed from their relationship at all.

I didn't know DH while he was with BM. I've experienced enough to know that there are 3 sides to every story. His, hers, & the truth. I see no point in arguing what she says, as she will just come back with something else, & we'd both just get more pissed. It would resolve nothing, so I felt there was no reason to waste that brain power (yes, it was limited through all of this.) I felt I would've just been opening myself to more irritation, & it would've given her more opportunity to jab.

I told a friend of mine about it, & she believes very strongly that I should've taken up for DH in the conversation since he wasn't there to take up for himself. I thought about it during the conversation, though, & really felt it would be difficult to know where to draw the line between supporting him & arguing. As soon as I'd defend him, she'd push it farther.

Was I wrong not to speak up on his behalf?