I found something but haven't told DH...
So, when I moved in with DH 8 years ago, we did a whole "BM Clean-Out" while skids were with her for visitation one weekend. I helped him pack up her kajillion angel/fairy/Goddess/cherub knick-knacks & trinkets, I organized all of their family photos, boxed up BM's families photos, took BM's pictures off the walls & packed them away, etc. There was A LOT of her crap laying ALL OVER that house that had been there since she left 3 years prior. DH said he didn't want to upset the kids by putting it all out of sight. What it came down to was that he didn't want to deal with it. I did the bulk of the packing, & did most of it with care. I figured the kids would want to have it one day. Well, I put a lot of her stuff in her cedar chest...her wedding dress, wedding video, their family videos, baby books, etc. We have her cedar chest in our basement...again, because it's something SD will want to have when she's older. I was cleaning in the basement the other night while DH was gone fishing with his buddies, & came across the family videos. I was missing the kids & I have seen their family pics enough...it doesn't bother me to see BM & DH in the life they had together. I sat through birthday parties, Christmas's, beach trips, &...OMG!!! Yep, opening scene...BM spread eagle on the bed with the hum of her vibe just over Duran Duran's "Ordinary World" playing in the background. I was completely beside myself. I was shocked, & then I laughed...out loud! It was the crappiest sex tape EVER! Her 90's hair cracked me up, but on top of that was the "sexy" eyes she kept making at the camera. DH looked like a completely different person. He was thinner & had more hair...a lot more hair. It was long & curly. It surprised me in thinking about it afterward, that it didn't bother me to see them together. Yeah, the picture will be in my head for awhile, but it doesn't consume me. I haven't mentioned it to DH. I don't know that I will.
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uhm...wow. that's all I got
uhm...wow. that's all I got for that one. wow..(and ewwww..)
Hahaha! It was really
Hahaha! It was really ugly...all of it! I think what made it so funny to me was BM's obvious & ridiculous attempts to seduce the camera. She was more into making sure her lustful expressions were caught on tape than anything.
I guess she's always been that vain.
if I were you I don't know if
if I were you I don't know if I could ever make eye contact with her again. I'd either start laughing and the flash back mental picture or become horribly ill at the sight of her.. OR..
you could just start making beaver jokes when she is there ROFL...(sorry my warped sense of humor couldn't help but chime in)
Hahaha! The beaver jokes
Hahaha! The beaver jokes would make her think I'm a dumbass. Oh wait!!! I'm not the one caught on tape!
LOL! Are you going to put
LOL! Are you going to put that in the box for SD to have later???
LMAO! That's one of the
LMAO! That's one of the reasons it took me by surprise like it did! Thank God I went through it! No child should have to see their parents that way...ever! No matter how old. LOL!
wow is right. I can't even
wow is right. I can't even begin to imagine to horror.
Personally, after I saw
Personally, after I saw something like that I would have to gouge my eyes out. Luckily, I'm SURE nothing like that exists with BM and DH. But I already don't like thinking about the fact that the two of them even HAD sex. What's in the past should stay in the past, in my opinion. Is there other content on that tape that you want to keep? If not, the tape would be history!
No, there's nothing else on
No, there's nothing else on the tape. I pulled the film out of it & tossed it. I see no reason for anyone to ever need to see that again.
Oh, darn. You destroyed it.
Oh, darn. You destroyed it. You could have saved it for blackmail purposes!
OMG!!! Why didn't I think of
OMG!!! Why didn't I think of that? I guess really, I can describe it well enough to her. She'd know I've seen it. I could just not tell her it's gone.
LOL! I can't imagine what her reaction would be if she knew I ever laid eyes on it! Really...given her self-absorbtion, she'd probably think she still holds a firey spot in DH's heart because he's held onto that for all these years.
This happened to me too!!! I
This happened to me too!!! I was so disgusted at first. I was going through DH's music folder on his laptop (when we first moved in together), I was adding my music, ect. I hit an icon and there it was, a video of BM, although I couldn't see DH, I saw a part of him, lol. I was mad and angry at first because I didn't understand why he still had it. I told him I saw it, he felt so bad, said he tried to delete it (like a year before we got together) and thought he did because it wasn't where it originally was kept (he isn't computer savvy). He deleted it for good. I got over it pretty quickly, they were married, she was a stripper...OF COURSE they had a video somewhere, I just wish I never stumbled upon it, lol.
Well, given the serious lack
Well, given the serious lack of spice in the video, I can rest assured that I bring more excitement out in DH than BM did. }:)
LOL, I thought the same
LOL, I thought the same thing. And she gyrates around for a living!!!
I don't guess DH even knows
I don't guess DH even knows it still exists. I was the one who packed those things. It was with all the rest of the family videos. I just assumed it was another one.
LMAO! I can say there aren't
LMAO! I can say there aren't any of me floating around. I shredded any pictures ex & I had taken together before I ever told him I was leaving. The Duran Duran had me rolling! Yes, those were the days!
And this folks...is exactly
And this folks...is exactly why I will never make a sex tape. hahahahahha. You never know where it's gonna end up!
Exactly! Well, that & the
Exactly! Well, that & the camera adds 10 pounds. I can't pull off 10 more pounds naked.
LOL. Yeah, if I'm gonna watch
LOL. Yeah, if I'm gonna watch someone do the deed, I want them to be better looking than me.
ROFL!
ROFL!
That is so gross. Exactly why
That is so gross. Exactly why you do't make those things.
umm - you are one strong
umm - you are one strong woman! I would have thrown up. Just because DH & BM dated in high school so I've seen her age over the last 30 years thru pictures and it's not pretty - I would never be able to scrub that from my brain.
I was so glad DH wasn't home
I was so glad DH wasn't home to be on the couch watching these movies with me. How awkward would that have been...for BOTH of us!!!
OMG ~~ i can't even imagine
OMG ~~ i can't even imagine what i would do if that happened to me.... i do know i would have to show somebody else before i destroyed it, so i could have somebody to do the sexy eyes joke with me........ this is some super funny stuff!
"i do know i would have to
"i do know i would have to show somebody else before i destroyed it, so i could have somebody to do the sexy eyes joke with me"
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I have tried to explain it to my best friend...and a few other people. They chuckle a little bit when I tell them about the facial expressions, but I can tell it's not near as funny to them. It's something they'd have to see to really appreciate it the way I do. I really do wish I'd have held onto it a bit longer. Heehee!
Sadly, that is the biggest
Sadly, that is the biggest fortune I've come across in the last week, but don't think I won't have my eyes peeled! }:)
I agree with maux...thanks
I agree with maux...thanks for starting my day off with such humor. I think the whole thing is hysterical and kudos to you Storm for handling it so well. I will be thinking about this throughout the day and in fact am laughing out loud right now!
That is HILARIOUS! The only
That is HILARIOUS!
The only remnant I found of BM in our house was her vibrator..! Yuck... I pulled it out of my 'soon to be closet'... with a kleenex and walked it over to DH who was BF at the time...and asked if he wanted to keep it for sentimental reasons..or if I should just send it to her in the courier
Hahaha! When I was packing
Hahaha! When I was packing stuff up I cleaned out the master bathroom. DH kept the door shut from the time I'd met him. The water in there was messed up, so he just never used it. She had a GINORMOUS dildo stuffed behind a bunch of cleaners under the bathroom sink. I called DH in there to look at it & I laughed so hard. I made him get it out. I didn't know if it'd been washed or whatever. I just had him toss it in the trash. I guess I was a bit inconsiderate in not offering to pack it with the rest of her stuff. LOL! Ewwww!
I cant believe no one has
:sick: I cant believe no one has used this yet! Im going to use it twice!!! :sick:
You poor thing!!!
ROFLMFAO!
ROFLMFAO!
I'm seriously having some
I'm seriously having some regrets about destroying it with such haste. LOL! Of course, if I Youtubed it, I'd HAVE to blur DH's face. I couldn't risk someone I know seeing it & knowing my husband was ever associated with "that".
I have to say the use of
I have to say the use of "Ordinary World" makes this whole story SO much more funny. I can't stop laughing about it.
So funny. I found a naked
So funny. I found a naked photo of BM in a giant file of family photos on our desktop -- the file was copied from DH's old computer at their home, so I imagine he has no idea he has it/I saw it. Anyway, she looked terrible. It was the least sexy photo I've ever seen. She has a goofy look on her buck-toothed face, and one of her boobs points all the way to the left. She honestly looked like a naked line-backer with boobs. It made my day.
I can't imagine knowing my ex
I can't imagine knowing my ex had naked vids/pics...anything of me. How embarrassing!!!
OMG! I laughed so hard at the
OMG! I laughed so hard at the "lefty boob" thing!!! I needed that - except it made me have a contraction...lol!!
.. I want to deliver this baby asap...tell me some more stuff to make me laugh!!!
Storm, that was hysterical!!
Storm, that was hysterical!! You really do rock!! I feel like I am a better person now for reading your post - lol.
By the way, what is it with these BM's that move out, yet don't actually MOVE their stuff out of the house when they leave?!?
Oh, and when I read that your BM had gazillions of cherub/angel/fairy/knicknack crap - I started cracking up!! Do all nasty BM's have this stuff, too? They act like they are "angels" and believe in God, yet they are the most evil, devil-worshipping, slutty women out there!! That was odd.
I remember peeling these cherub sticky wallpaper figures off of our master bathroom walls when we remodeled it - and I thought to myself "she spent all this time putting up these cherub stickers around the bathroom, yet had no time to actually CLEAN it (hence the mold & mildew I'd find in the "hard to reach" places of the shower area - ugh!!!).
Great post, Storm!! Great post!! Duran Duran "Ordinary World" - whenever I hear that song now, I'll always think of this post.
P.S. I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else asking why BM's don't move themselves out - maybe some of the BM's/ex-W's passed away or something (which is why you'd have to be the one packing up all of her stuff with your man), that would be TOTALLY different. I'm just referring to the BM's that "move out" and leave all their crap post-separation or post-divorce for someone else to clean up.
"Duran Duran "Ordinary World"
"Duran Duran "Ordinary World" - whenever I hear that song now, I'll always think of this post"
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I may just bust out with some Duran Duran while I'm in the kitchen fixing dinner tonight. DH will have no idea why, but it'll give me a private chuckle. LOL!
BM left DH 4 times. He took her back everytime she left...well except the last time. I guess she figured when her wild hair was tamed she'd come back & her stuff will still be there just waiting for her like it had been so many times before. She sued DH for her cedar chest & the skids baby books, but we do still have them. DH told her she can have the cedar chest, but he's not a delivery man. So, it still sits in our basement. As far as the baby books, She was only around to fill in very little. DH filled in most of the "first" dates & pictures. I'm not sure what BM wants them for. My guess is so that she can sit down with the kids & reminisce about what a precious family they had till I ruined it. What she won't discuss with them is the fact that she doesn't actually remember their first trips to the dentist or the first steps they took because she preferred being able to whore freely rather than always having to keep it a secret from DH. I guess she felt that was more important than being a mothe. The way I see it, if she gave a shit, she'd have taken them with her. Same with any family pictures or skids baby pics. DH was the only one who cared enough to save any of it, so as far as I'm concerned, they're his to do what he chooses with.
I don't get her obsession with the angels, etc. I mean, she's over-the-top. And like anything else, some are nice looking. Some are just ugly. I understand taking an interest in things & collecting, but really...you display countless angel figurines all around your home. You think the pink "cheek" paint overlapping an eyeball doesn't give away that it's a dollar store figurine? Just because it's an angel doesn't mean it's beautiful.
I think she knows she's a POS, & she probably believes the angels counteract her evil ways.
Do all nasty BM's have this
Do all nasty BM's have this stuff, too? They act like they are "angels" and believe in God, yet they are the most evil, devil-worshipping, slutty women out there!! That was odd.
MiloMom you are too funny! Thanks
YES! All nasty BMs do
YES! All nasty BMs do collect angels and cherubs. I noticed that several years ago.
This entire thread is hilarious. I thought I was going to have to scratch my eyes out after I saw a video of one of the skids who had fallen asleep on the potty, and in the background of the video is BM's huge lingerie thingie hanging on the shower curtain to dry. I had to rewind the thing and pray that it wasn't what I thought it was. Grooossssss. But Storm's post was 10x better than that!
Our BM is nasty, but she's
Our BM is nasty, but she's into fairies instead of angels. Same diff.
Yep. It's pretty much the
Yep. It's pretty much the same. Angels, fairies, cherubs, Goddesses, spirits, etc. Plastic, glass, wooden, ceramic...
I could stick marshmallows together with q-tips sticking out of them & tell her it was an angel, & she'd put it up with her others.
Her latest cover tattoo on her bicep is a weeping fairy. She says it represents her because she feels like a lost soul trying to find her way in this unfair world. :sick:
She says it represents her
She says it represents her because she feels like a lost soul trying to find her way in this unfair world.
Ah, excuse me while throw up.
I know. I'm there with you.
I know. I'm there with you. :sick:
Actually, there were a few
Actually, there were a few unicorns, & several carousel horses.
ewwwwwwww and
ewwwwwwww and garossssssssssssss...lol
I know for a fact I would
I know for a fact I would never find a sex tape of BM and DH having sex. She wouldn't lay there and "play dead" for the camera. }:)
Oh I can't even begin to imagine her saggy legs wrapped around anything. Or her Mr. Ed looking face in full on sex mood. Yucky!
Ewww!!! LOL!
Ewww!!! LOL!
WOW! I wouldn't care how old
WOW! I wouldn't care how old it was, it would certainly scar my brain. Ick. I wouldn't say anything to him about it though. Even though it doesn't bother you, he may think it does and might have bad feelings about it.
Ummmmmm yuck! I would have
Ummmmmm yuck! I would have just puked i think!
Oh this is priceless ! I
Oh this is priceless !
I wouldn't be able to resist teasing DH about it. Then again we have a very open communication kind of relationship. We talk about a lot of things other 'normal' folks probably don't, maybe even do a few.
I might even stage the bedroom with a video camera and have the Duran Duran music playing to jog his memory as a joke.
You really should have fun with it now that it's burned in your head !
Ahhh! A replay would be
Ahhh! A replay would be HILARIOUS!!! I'd have to practice the come-get-some expressions so I could pull them off without laughing.
You really really should. I
You really really should. I wonder how far your get into your act before he made the connection? Knowing my think headed DH, I'd have to explain it all and ruin my fun !
I know what you mean. It's
I know what you mean. It's like telling an awesome joke & then having to explain it. Then it's just not funny anymore. Really though...I can't think of ANYTHING that could possibly make this not funny to me...ever. Heehee!
LMFAO! The "runny-egg" boob
LMFAO! The "runny-egg" boob description was fantastic! I don't know that any other words could form the picture quite the same. Hahaha!
Wow - perfect blackmail tape!
Wow - perfect blackmail tape! Save THAT for a rainy day!!!!
I was helping go thru some
I was helping go thru some boxes with DH when he moved in with me. I was lucky I DIDNT find a tape...but I found BM attempt at writing a porn letter...OMG it was so sad....and funny.
DH never knew I found it. I jus ttore it up and threw it away. Just like their relationship..its the PAST.
LOL! I didn't come across
LOL! I didn't come across any porn letters, however she had a thing about writing about her dreams, & about how she wondered if her crazy dreams came as a result of her LSD use. Seriously??? Like any porn pics or vids, I wouldn't leave that behind.