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We set rules and punishments

steppystep's picture

So this morning, my husband and I set the rules for stepdaughtetrs...And the punishments in case rules get broken.
He agrees that their behaviour must be changed and that they NEED punishments in order to learn how to behave.
I'm so happy that he at least sees how bad they are behaving and wants to do something about it.
I was there with him setting rules,he thinks it's okay if I do it becuase it's my home too and the rules have to do with me as well.
I think that made them really angry, that I got to choose rules too, but okay. I have the right to be treated with respect in my home.

Before we even told them all the rules, they broke the one we already told them... Ugh
During the day, they broke a few more. It's not even evening yet.

My husband didn't hestitate to punish them.
And it's getting even worse.

I honestly hoped that this would work and we could be a functioning family, but this isn't going really well..

I've never seen anyone more stubborn than those girls. This will be a tough one.

Comments

B22S22's picture

It'll get worse before it gets better. They will intentionally push the envelope to see exactly how far you are willing to go to enforce the rules, and if you (and DH) will really follow-through with the consequences.

Just stay strong, and stay consistent. They will probably run thru each of the rules and break them at least three times before things start to settle down. Hopefully they'll get the hint pretty soon that you and DH are following through with what you said you'd do when rules are broken.

sasha101's picture

They're testing things out to see what they can get away with. You're probably in for a rough few days while they keep pushing the boundaries to see if you and dh are serious, but if you both stick to the rules religiously without exception and you and he are presenting a united front, you should see an improvement soon. It'll be worth it in the end when they eventually realise that no amount of arguing/whining/tantrums gets them their own way. We had to do this with ss's and it was hard but it worked and they're pretty good most of the time now, so hang in there and don't give in.

Lalena75's picture

Don't give up no matter how much they try and when your DH has had enough up the punishment for purposely breaking rules just to try and push the envelope.
Consistency is key punish every time and punish swiftly.

Unhappy's picture

I posted on your blog yesterday in regards to this. I'm glad that you sat down with your DH and told him how you feel and he's on board with you.

Now on to the subject at hand. Of course things have gotten worse with the girls. They don't want rules, they don't want boundaries, and they sure as heck don't want you having to do anyting with it. Take a deep breath because this is normal. Or at least as normal as normal can be. You're pushing back now. You're saying that you're not okay with how they treat you and you will not tolerate it anymore. They are going to push back as well to try and see if you mean business. Stick to your guns and stand fast. Don't let them win. They'll keep pushing and you and DH just need to follow through with all of the rules and consequences that you have put in place. Eventually they will get tired of being in trouble all of the time. They will realize that it's not worth it and they will fall in line. You can expect for the next couple of months to be unpleasant for all parties involved but just keep enforcing the boundaries. Oh and even after they fall in line they will still occassionally test the boundaries just to make sure they are still there. That's what kids do.

If you and your DH can do this and be consitent you've got this in the bag. Just remember they are not going to give up the power that they have been given without a fight so be prepared and don't give up. They are kids and it's time that they had a reality check to put them back in their place. I know this because I have and am going through the same thing. Not the aggression or the flat out disrespect but taking the power back from two children that didn't want to give it up without a fight. Stay strong. You will eventually start to see changes but it will take time. Don't play their games and be prepared to show them that the game that they are choosing to play isn't fun anymore. You can do this.