If you want your kid/skid involved in something but the other BP doesn't, what do you do?
I have a feeling this will be an ongoing saga in our life...it already has been for the last year.
In 2010, both skids were in gymnastics classes. They loved it. Then summer rolled around and the schedule changes to 2 times a week rather than once, so BM said she didn't want to do that, that it was too much obligation for the kids (we all know this was really just too much obligation for BM. The skids would love to go 2x's a week!).
2010 school year rolls around and SD started kindergarten, which meant she could be in that age-group's gymnastics class. BM's excuse not to sign up the skids was that A) the class went too late for a school night (um it's a 5 year old class that ends at 7:45?) and 
that it's too much work for during the school year and C) she doesn't think gymnastics is SS's "thing" and wants to put him in hockey, and wants SD6 in dance. We said GREAT! We want them in SOMETHING, we don't care what it is! Just put them in stuff! Of course, the kdis didn't do anything all school year bc BM didn't sign them up.
May 2011 comes with the end of the school year, and we again try to get the skids in gymnastics. BM lies to SD6 saying she signed them up, but she didn't. SD6 cries for an hour that she's not in it again because she misses it.
The beginning of this school year comes, and now we have the skids every other week (used to be more random). I went ahead and asked the director if we can just pay half and take the kids on our weeks. She said yes. Well we told BM that's what we're doing, and she said "Oh well now that it's the school year I'm okay with taking them too." WTF? Whatever. The skids were in one 6-week session, and it just ended this week. SD6 is the highest in her class - she's so good and could be so much better if she sticks in it! It's a great outlet to teach SS4 body awareness and get some energy out. we know he won't stay in gymanstics forever but we agree that it will be good skills to learn for success in any sport.
We emailed BM earlier this week asking her if she signed them up yet for the next session. Now SS4 is actually ready for the next age level class, so his class and SD6's class don't overlap times anymore. They'll have to each sit and wait for the other. I know that's not ideal, but many parents do it. BM says in her email "I dont' want to sit there with Son because he has a bad attention span and won't be able to watch Daughter's class, so I'm not going to put him in it." She says she wants SS4 in hockey again -- but get THIS -- he's not old enough yet for our hockey programs, we alreayd checked this! AND registration is gone and over with for the year. So we can get him in skating lessons, but those are only offered on Saturdays! You think BM will go on a saturday? Yeah right! SO BM wants SD6 to stay in gymnastics but she doesn't want SS in it....yet what will she do with SS when it's her weeks and SD is in class anyway?? UGHH!
Here's my question...I'm thinking we should just go ahead and sign up SS on our weeks, like we originally planned. We can handle taking SS there and having him sit and watch his sister. We just have to bring some activities for him to do! DERRRR!
Should we do that or just cave into what BM wants us to do (which is technically nothing and will probably mean that SS won't actually be signed up for ANYTHING yet his sister will get to still be in gymnastics).
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You sign them up for your
You sign them up for your weeks and that is the end of the discussion. We did that with SS and Karate. He goes twice a week. BM wasn't consistent taking him so we are losing money. The school allows us every other week to put a freeze on the account so we do not pay for her weeks. It is harder with sports but, easier with these individual style classes. Why you are trying to continue to work with her, I do not understand. She has made it clear that this is not something she wants. So if you can just do this activity on your week, just do it...
I say do what you want during
I say do what you want during your week, and honestly 2 x a week for me would also be a lot. 2 x week at individual classes....that's about 3hrs 2 x week if you add commute time...and THEN they have the 'game' on the wknd. For a 4 and 6yr old?? Your' bm is a loon, but I know THIS working mom (self) would pass on that at that age. Would not have the time.
"We said GREAT! We want them in SOMETHING, we don't care what it is! Just put them in stuff! Of course, the kdis didn't do anything all school year bc BM didn't sign them up."
You know, personally I see it as am "American parents obsession" that kids have to be in all these extra-curriculars/sports, spending tons of $ and family time and play time, particularly at that age, they're not in higher elementary grades or middle school...maybe I don't get it....my kids have averaged one sport a year-partially financial and time constraints...and next year they will be doing a second sport of their choice. But I see others (like my brother and sil), there entire LIFE revolves around the kids activities, weekdays, weekends, etc...the kids are scheduled to the max, the adults have no relationship, no down time for anyone, for WHAT???? Some stupid competitive american thing about overschedulign our kids in shit they really don't need to succeed -not all kids will do good in sports. It's become the 'in thing' while just normal family time or kids being kids becomes "wasteful and laziness". Don't get it.
IMO, a pre-k for a 4yr old is plenty-exercise and coordination? They get that at the park and playing outside.
This is part of the balance thing-if you're living your life revolving around your kids and their activities, they expect the world to revolve aroudn them later in life....then we wonder where all these kids expecations come from....we spend our lives catering to them at the expense of family/relationship and decompress time (this has become a dirty word it seems)...I'm not singling you, it's a general vent. I see it way too much. And I think we aren't doing the kids any favors and there is breakdowns in marriages because of the pressures parents put on themselves to 'excel the kids'.
I guess I didn't clarify that
I guess I didn't clarify that it's only in the summer time that they have gymnastics 2x's a week. Regular school year is only once a week.
I'm standing over here
I'm standing over here clapping. I can't understand it either. People wonder why these kids are no longer creative, they think "playing outside" and "entertain yourself" are dirty words.
I think too, this is exactly the reason that the kids these days have virtual friendships instead of genuine ones.
Agree again...we 'schedule'
Agree again...we 'schedule' them WAY too much-Steppingup, not saying you are....jsut a general rant.
I wouldn't worry about the extra curriculars too much at this age....you have YEARS of running them around to games, personally at that age I don't think it's a requirement, necessary and at most only one 8wk period or something-for entertainment purposes.
I'm telling you....my nieces/nephew are like robots now.
Pretty easy in our situation
Pretty easy in our situation - SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy refuses to pay one penny that is not court-mandated, so we just handle it all ourselves. Extra-cirriuclar activities were not contemplated at the time of the divorce, so even thought it would be reasonable and fair for "perfect" bio-daddy to help, he doesn't. Of course, the cost of said activities is significant, and his pittance of CS would not even approach covering any part of it.
Thats why I really dont get
Thats why I really dont get involved with that stuff. Let the mom sign them up for whatever se wants and let her pay for it out of her cs! I have two kids with dh that I have to take care of plus work full time ....I dont have time to stress over stuff that does not apply to my kids. Now I tried this in the past like you and had blockS thrown in the way, and was told that I ws not the mother!! And this is before I had kids and had time to help ss's ....
Now its whatever!
With my Bio's whoever signed
With my Bio's whoever signed them up paid for it and the other parent took them on thier weeks. We didn't do a whole lot of communicating about it. Looking back it caused some problems but the kids got to all of the activities. We could have handled it in a better more mature way now that I look back.
Now with SD12 she decides what activity she wants to do and then looks to her dad to foot the bill 100% because that is what she is used to doing. He had a talk with her that activities will be paid for by both him and BM. The latest thing she wants to do is volleyball. Last year BF paid for everything to the tune of about 250.00 by the time signups and gear was paid for. She was involved for about 3 weeks. She went rollerskating with BM and fell and broke her arm. BF and I felt that she should have still went to practice and not participated fully but still shown support and been a part of the team. SD balked at that and how could she go her arm was broken?? BM fully supported SD and we gave up. Now she wants to play again and said she needs new gear and the sign up fee. BF said we will figure out the cost and your mom will have to pay for half. That all went down last week so we will see what excuse BM comes up with to try to get out of paying her part.