I finally did it. I said "NO."

After a week of drama concerning ME taking the skids by myself while FDH is out of town, (lots of backstory I don't have time or energy to type and don't want to bore you with details)...and today BM and FDH just ASSUMING that I'm okay taking both SS3 and his older sister SD6 -- who is not my FDH's daughter -- next week for two days while BM is on vacation...I finally said, "NO."

Why should I be expected to bend to BM's every whim? Why?? Whhy does BM get to constantly say, "No, I have plans." or "No, I'm going out of town." or "No, I have a barbeque planned tonight." And why does BM get to be the one who won't take her PTO to watch her OWN kids and purposely doesn't answer the phone when daycare calls to tell her the kids are sick? So FDH and I have to pick up her slack and go home with them? Why does BM ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get to put herself #1?? And I am never, ever, ever anyone's #1, including myself?

I got the balls and said no today. I have been full-time parenting my 5 month old by myself while FDH is out of town. We are getting married in 2 months and I have no family and very few friends here to help me with the projects. FDH hasn't lifted one finger to help me with any of our wedding projects. So I finally said to him today, "I can see how SS3 is somewhat my responsibility as he will soon be my family when we get married. But SD6 is NOT my child, not your child, and no one asked me to begin with if it'd be okay for me to take her. So my answer to the unasked question is NO."

FDH was speechless.

He finally said, "Well, I guess I have some stuff to figure out today."

Yep, he sure does.

I'm now struggling between feelings of great confidence and feeling like the bitch. Please give me some encouragement that what I did was right.

And a big part of me wants to tell BM that I'll take SD6 if she pays me like a babysitter...and watch her jaw drop.

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Why shouldn't you be paid not

Why shouldn't you be paid not your child, not your FHubby's child.
Go ahead push the envelope!

Good for you! It is great that you have set boundaries for yourself.

Why do these people think just because we love them we are going to be baby sitters. I told my FDH no and I mean no. I am not their mother. I will not watch them.

Plus this woman has a lot of nerve to ask you to take these children while FDH is going out of town and one isn't even his.

Don't feel like a bitch you are not, you have enough on your plate taking care of a 5month old. And your FDH will be better in the long run having to take full responsibility for them.

I do like this idea and just

I do like this idea and just might push the envelope as you said....why not get a little extra $

Exactly! When GG and I got

Exactly! When GG and I got together he said "I know you've already raised children and you don't want to raise another set" Then he turned around and expected me to do "mommy" things for his previously enjoyed family, yet have NO SAY over what goes on under my own roof as regards the skid four questions (when, what, where, how)

You did the right thing. . .now for the upcoming marriage; you SURE you want to go through with it seeing this guy is ball-less in the face of the almighty BM?

To answer your question, he's

To answer your question, he's definitely got some work to do. I talked to his own stepmom who agreed with me and said this little tidbit: "These {last name} men, the thing we love about them the most -- that they are caring and non-confrontational -- is also the thing we hate the most about them. Sometimes we just need them to stand up for us and say NO." It's funny because she dealt with the same thing with his dad and his own BM. I'm really glad that I have her insight though.

When he's back from training I'm insisting on some counseling before we get married.

"the thing we love about them

"the thing we love about them the most -- that they are caring and non-confrontational -- is also the thing we hate the most about them."

I dunno.

GG is EXtReMeLy confrontational when it comes to ME or my bios or anyone else EXCEPT for the BM and the skids. GG is this big guy built like a professional wrestler with boatloads of "roaring machismo" and that "women should be put in their place" (meaning ME of course) but yet when it comes to his ex-wife, the Behemoth, you can see the PEE stains on his pants when in her presence!!

Eek... see FDH has stood up

Eek... see FDH has stood up to her before, and often, in the past. Just in the past few months he's been kind of walking on eggshells around her and I can't understand why. Maybe I've become the psycho in the situation...post-partum depression, wedding planning bridezilla....eek I guess maybe BM looks better nowadays Just kiddin..

Oh you mean no one just

Oh you mean no one just ASSUMED you would watch his kids???? Oh how nice that would be.

Here's another tip! When you

Here's another tip! When you do watch his kids, do a "Nanny 911" on their behinds. I guarantee they'll never want to go to "Stepping Up's Daycare" anymore!!

I did that with Prince Hygiene back a few years ago. In 7 hours I actually had him playing independently and self entertaining!! A feat not to be sniffed at!!

Then when GG walked in, it was back to bratty chimp on crack. I think about what these children would be like if I had 30 days with them no holds barred and of course a re-education camp for their totally inept bioparents.

You absolutely did the right

You absolutely did the right thing. The first time I said no to going out of my way and possibly changing my plans for my SD6 I felt that exact same way you do, but guess what .. it was the best thing I ever did. I do go out of my way to do some things some times, but everyone knows now that if I say No I mean it and there is no questioning! Good job.

Good point. If I waiver in my

Good point. If I waiver in my decision now it'll just look like I'm all over the place emotionally (which, hell, I am, but no one else needs to know it)... and they'll know that they can't really take me seriously.

Thanks for your support.

You are not being a bitch,

You are not being a bitch, you are taking CONTROL of YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES and that is NOTHING to feel guilty about. That kid is NOT his nor is it yours and you have NO reason to take care of it. His child? Different story but NOT the other one. GOOD FOR YOU. I will drink a glass of wine tonight in your name, because it takes a lot of self love & courage to stand up for one self and I am very very happy to see that you did that for yourself.

I shall have a glass, too

I shall have a glass, too I'm gonna need one after today!

ME TOO! (even though it's

ME TOO! (even though it's not on my diet)

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your support!! One other thing I thought of: If no one asked me to begin with, I have EVERY right to say no! Derr...

Yummy! Here's to healthy

Yummy! Here's to healthy boundaries!!
Cheers to you!

I wish we had an applause

I wish we had an applause icon on here. Good for you!!!

Who dumps their kids on somebody else so they can go on vacation? Can't she schedule that crap when it's not her custody time? That's not an emergency. It's babyshit.

Yeah...I smelled a skunk

Yeah...I smelled a skunk right away. I saw on her facebook she had this NYC trip planned for these 6 days. It DOES fall on our regular weekend to have SS, but of course there are extra days attached. She waited an entire WEEK after posting on fb before mentioning it to FDH. She pretended to him that she hadn't bought the tickets yet (I call BS) and was checking. He told her he didn't know what to tell her bc he would be gone training and didn't know his schedule yet. She said, "Well how am I supposed to plan this trip!" and he told her "if you HAVE to go those days, go, but know that we don't know what's going on yet with the kids." Of course she took this last statement as "We'll work it out".

Why does HE have to work it

Why does HE have to work it out? Why do you? Why doesn't it fall on HER to make arrangements for the kiddos during her parenting time? That's what happens to us here. If something comes up while we have the kids, we have to hire a babysitter or arrange something else. That's it.

Yes, I try to bring that up

Yes, I try to bring that up to FDH and he basically says that since he agreed to it initially that now it's his responsibility. You are right though. And he's not realizng that he never even "agreed" to it in the first place. GRRRR.

Of course she took this last

Of course she took this last statement as "We'll work it out".

Of course she did, because that is the precedence that has been set. You guys ALWAYS pick up her slack, she ALWAYS gets what she wants so why would she think this time is any different?

Stick to your guns, start bringing the hammer down on this nonsense or you have no one to blame but yourself for being her door mat.

I'm sooo glad you said no... tough crap if someone thinks your a bitch. I'd rather be a bitch than a crappy ass parent who looks for every opportunity to ditch her kids on someone else.