It occurred to me over this holidays that Stepmoms are very much like Mothers-in-law, and that Stepkids are really Children-in-law.

I live with my mother-in-law full-time, but I have a mother who is a huge part of my life even though she's not "present" because she lives very far away. My mother-in-law is generally "ok" and good to me, but she does drive me nuts at times, especially when she's telling me how to live my life and how to raise my kids. When my own mother tells me how to live my life and how to raise my kids, I listen, I evaluate and I feel reasonably secure in telling her off and asking her to leave me alone and let me do my own thing when I need to. With my MIL on the other hand, I can't shout, or be rude, or sometimes even mention that I disagree, I have to be NICE.

My SD posted something on her Twitter and I suspect it was about me. This is what it said: "Sometimes I wanna punch you in the face, but it sucks I have to be "nice" to you." This is exactly how I feel toward my MIL sometimes, not all the time, just sometimes.

My SD likes when I'm nice to her, she likes me to buy her stuff, listen to her brag, let her watch tv all the time. She doesn't like it when I ask her to do anything, when I expect her to do anything. But DH has so far insisted that the kids treat me with respect, which means being "nice". SD lives mostly with her mother, her mother is a big part of her life and her mother and I have VERY different values. I know SD is nasty to her mother sometimes, possibly in ways that she'd never be to me.

My DH wavers between wanting me to care for the stepkids as my own kids and wanting me to back off. We all know about this, treat them like your own when you're DOING for them, ignore when they're doing something wrong and need discipline. My aim this year is to think of these kids more as my children-in-law and less as my children, and subsequently, to live the life I want rather than life according to my damn in-laws. I think it calls for "Accept, Ignore and Act". I live with them, I don't have to give any weight to anything they say or do, and I'll do what I want for me and my family.

Wishing everyone more peace in 2013 - "Peace. It does not meant to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work, it means to be in the misdst of those things and still be calm in your heart." Happy new year!