I buy jackets mostly from the thrift store too.

If BM won't hand them back then you have two options, keep buying more and hope they come back or have jackets that do not go to bm's house. The third option is to start making sd responsible for her things and tasking her with bringing them back and maybe having an 'ugly' jacket she can wear at yours if she forgets so that she remembers next time.

Of daughter thinks they may be at mom's then she should be able to bring them back on her own. Male sure basic needs are met but a cheap coat or sweater from Wal-Mart works.

I'd say it's normal for that age to loose things regularly. My DS is the worst about it and he's 11 now.

I don't buy the skids ANYTHING name brand. BM and GBM always take the nice stuff and claim they don't know what happened to it. We can not even let them wear nice jeans or jean shorts because they hoard them and refuse to return them. They're major Facebook buy/sell people. I've seen several posts in the past of them trying to sell skids clothing and toys that we paid for or MIL bought. But, we're also talking about 2 people that had a yard sale 2 weeks after loosing custody of the skids and they sold everything they had for the kids. And I do mean EVERYTHING. They wouldn't let skids have a single thing.

If you like afford the expensive items, continue to buy them. BUT do not send those things to BM's house.

Purchase the cheaper stuff for when she is with her mother.
If mom wants the nicer stuff, she can pay for them.

SDs used to lose things all the time.
In fact, they may still do so but I don't watch it and I don't care.
I don't buy anything that I'm going to worry about.
I helped DH with a little clothes shopping cash this past weekend because I wanted to and it was for underwear and socks (so I know it'll be used well) but nothing was expected of me.

If they leave their things somewhere (so much ends up at BMs with us too, all SD11s good summer shorts, her good school pants, sweaters, etc.) and they don't have them at our house, it's not our issue. If your good coat is not at our house, wear a scarf. They learned.

The thorny old 'clothing between homes' issue.

We had this when skids were going back and forth. DH had main custody and 80% time and BM had them eow. Although it was not in the co and in fact the CO said that each parent was responsible for all the childrens needs during the time they were with the respective parent, she had convinced DH that he had to provide a suitcase of clean clothing for her use during their time at hers. She constantly kept any decent items we sent there, especially regarding SS then 8 and his clothes because he was obese and his clothes were expensive, had to be ordered online ( but BM insisted on him having chocolate milk before bed every night despite his obesity, I digress). She sent him back in dirty, outgrown or even damaged clothes and kept the decent stuff. We asked for the items to be returned and got answers like 'they're in the wash, already sent them back (lies) and 'I don't know what you mean!' The final straw was when she had them put their suitcases out in the hall ready for pick up times (she lived in an apartment) and they got stolen (or so she says). She didn't even offer to replace any of it and just expected DH to replace it all. She seriously thought that her wonderful $60 per month total of cs she paid to DH covered him supplying and laundering clothes she was using plus the food, electricty, fuel costs, medical and school fees. Plus she expected DH to give them money to buy her a birthday, christmas and 'mother's day' presents. *sigh* She was spending more on her cigarettes than she gave him for the kids.

After that we went to the goodwill and picked out a few half decent items and sent them in what they stood up in. SD being then 13/14 didn't like it of course but we had to explain that we couldnt go on like this and that it was in the agreement (CO) that their mother was responsible for this stuff during her time and after the problems that it was time she stood up to the plate.

BM reacted ofc, 'where's your suitcases??!' DH reminded her of the contents of the CO, of recent events etc. Radio silence. But, around this time we were having other issues with BM's expectations such as how she expected DH to still run her around in his car to any parent's evenings or school events and DH had said 'sorry, but no'. So it all began to go toxic.

From then on BM sent SS back in trouser which he had been wearing since age 6 even when he was 10 and they were halfway up his legs! We still had problems with getting the items back that we did send but it was better. Sometimes he had no socks and BM NEVER EVER bought a single coat or pair of shoes for them.

Sorry for the long rant. My answer is - get some cheap or goodwill items to send your SD in. Has your SO spoken to the BM about the issue? It may be that BM has her leave them there on purpose. Heard of that one before on ST.

My DD never lost clothes. And she is not a neat person at all. Quite the opposite. Still didn't lose clothes. Where do kids lose it?

Oh I stand corrected my DD lost nice wool coat once. First year in college, she took it off on subway train, put on a seat and walked out without it. I still remember that coat. And it's been ten years! Lol It was gorgeous, I bought it at Nordstrom, good sale. Never saw another one like that.