Need adult SD advice
OK, been married 10 years...have been pretty much been the mom to 19 year old SD during that time. Took her on girl trips, coached her teams..went way above and beyond. She's entitled and spoiled -- everyone has said that. Since Christmas she hates me and wants me out of her dad's life -- says she was neglected by us. Says she's jealous of her little siblings. Anyway, DH is being amazing and not allowing any disrespect. She is home for summer working (living with BM) and DH told her that a relationship with him is a 'package deal'. She's now reaching out some, and DH thinks maybe a picnic in the park for an hour with all of us would be good. She would rather have just her dad, but his view is that would be 'caving in' to her. I'd rather just send her dad. It's been nice not dealing with her, and the trust is gone for me. I can't look at her right now without the hair standing up on the back of my neck. What should I do?
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Package deal
That package deal thing works both ways. If she has to accept you in the package, then you have to accept her in the package. If you aren't interested in reconciling with her, then don't go. If you'd like to think there might be hope for this relationship on down the road, then I'd consider going and if you need to clear that air with her, then do it. You've been mothering her for half her life. She's in that brand new I'm-an-adult-and-you-can't-tell-me-what-to-do stage. She'll grow out of it, hopefully. I think whether or not you go has to depend on what you want to happen. If you want to rebuild that relationship, then maybe go. If you don't, then forget it.
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ANNE 8102 | GEORGIA
Let Daddy go
My opinion on this is to let her and her Dad go. If she has issues with you at the moment I think she should meet with her Dad first and let HIM tell her how it is and clear the air without you being in the middle - that you guys are a package deal and the reason he is meeting with her solo (for right now) is to let her know that HE will not tolerate any disrespect from her towards you and whatever her problem is to snap out of it - she probably owes you an apology as well. Sounds like your DH is extremely supportive. Good luck to you.
He made her apologize to me...
My DH demanded an apology, which made me cringe because I got the terse, crappy "I'm sorry" which no one really wants. My DH is very supportive. I think I'll let her go with her Dad...I want a relationship with her in the future, but BM is so manipulative and mean...I really see that showing in my SD. It's not like I'm special...SD treats boyfriend and his family this way, she has no friends and she's loyal to no one, including BM. Thanks Fearless and Ema...and thanks Anne, for being so level headed!
Geez, whats up with that
If I was in your shoes not no, but hell no would I go. I really think if adult sd wants to reach out, then she should come to you and clear the air without being made to. Its hard on hubby though, my hubby has always tried to be the mediator, but ya know, she wants to be an adult, she needs to act like one and take responsibility for her actions. Why ruin your day. If you say your not going is dad going to go with out you - package deal? You will see.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Thanks everyone!
I ain't goin'! Told hubby to go without me and he was way cool with that. He said he wants to emphasize the whole 'respect' issue anyway. Said he wants to make it clear to her that a lot of damage has been done...and it has with him too. You guys are all the best. I'm so happy I found this site!