I almost left DH was BS6 was a baby over this crap.. only it wasn't SD or SS it was freaking MIL!! MIL begged to watch BS when I went back to work. I wasn't thrilled about it, but said OK, however I know how MIL likes to be buddy, buddy with BM1 and BM2, so I made it PERFECTLY clear that I did NOT want BS around either one of those fools. Not a bitchy thing, not a control thing... just a real momma hen thing.. I didn't want BS around people who do drugs, act foolish, cuss like sailors, and are just awful people.... NO!

So one morning DH happens to say in passing... oh I talked to BM2 and she said she saw BS yesterday and he is super cute. My head spun around like the mother fucking exorcist. And I said "WHAT???" because of course MIL never mentioned a peep about running into BM or visiting BM or whatever the hell she did that BM2 happened to see BS6. DH said "Oh BM said she saw him when MIL stopped by grandma's house" (that MIL was paying loser BM2 to clean.) I flipped shit, told DH that I was done... seriously started packing my shit up. DH was like "yeah, but I didn't do anything, I can't help it that my mother is a whack job!!"

Whatever, I came to my senses and didn't leave.. but boy was it close. I started sending BS6 to daycare shortly after that. Best decision I ever made!!!!!

Your baby is new, I think that eventually the novelty will wear off with SD8... how often are you guys in the same place as BM that you would have to worry about this?

I wouldn't be comfortable with SD bringing my kids around BM either. I feel like I could've written some of what you wrote. BM has been horrible to me and my family as well.

I agree with what downsouthin said - just explain that the baby needs to stay with you because she's too little to go anywhere with SD. Then it's a more broad explanation and not specific to BM.

LOL, DH just got blessed out by his EX because she heard that "we wouldn't allow her to go to the house we were fixing up if SD rented it from us".

In reality, we only said that we didn't want BM spending the night. Basically, she is having issues with her BF and we are somewhat afraid that she would try to use her daughter's house as an escape and we would end up with her as a defacto tenant. We never said she couldn't come see the house or visit at lunch or something. She lives about an hour away, but no need for sleepovers in our opinion. We were planning on renting the house at a really good deal but SD has decided she wants to stay with GPs a while longer to save money. Smart move.

She told DH it was pathetic of us. I wish I had the cojones to tell her that what is pathetic is that she tried to threaten spousal support just a month ago after more than 10 years of divorce. What is pathetic is that she is living with a guy for more than 10 years and he won't marry her and cheats on her. What is pathetic is that BOTH her daughters got so tired of her drama that they moved out while they were still in HS to live with their grandparents.

If I feel like I don't want BM staying over in the house, I can't imagine how much I would be against her being near a bio kid if I had one. I feel for you and your situation because the little girl can't possibly understand all the back story at her age (and shouldn't know it probably). If you could stomach it, I might go with the girl and let her introduce her mother to the baby and then quickly go back to your own seat. Kid gets to show sister off and you have minimal dealing with the BM

I had this feeling with my grandson and my husband's ex. No reason. She's a bitch as an exwife, but she's actually a good mother. I just felt like she would contaminate him. Almost like cooties... it was ridiculous, I know, but I couldn't help it.

This weekend is BioBaby's first birthday party. SS4 asked me if BM could have an invitation. I told him "well, no BM is a stranger to BioBaby and parties are for family and friends." He then said, "she is not a stranger, she is my mom!" My response was the same, "yes she is your mom, but this is BioBaby's party and HE doesn't know who your mom is; do you invite strangers to your birthday parties?" He said that he didn't and asked me if this is why I didn't go to Spawn's birthday parties and I told "exactly!"

If a four year old can get it then your SD can understand it too and you probably wouldn't even have to dumb it down to basic "stranger" reasons. Tell her "some people are friends and some people aren't, does BM talk and play with random babies in the grocery store? No? Okay well it's the same principle. People don't want people they don't know around their babies." In the beginning I didn't want BM to ever see or be around Biobaby, but SS4 loves his brother so much and likes to show him off that I just had to accept that if I participate in my Skids life then there's a part of my life (BioBaby) that BM gets to see (not interact though) just like she has to accept the fact that I get to be a part of her kid's life. The only alternative would be to stay home with BioBaby and that leaves me, him, DH and SS missing out...because of what? BM? I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.