History: The BM has 6 kids, w/3 different dads. My hubby was the 2nd dad. So when they met, she had 2 children already, then they had 2. Then they got divorced and she remarried and had 2 more.

I finally found my highschool sweetheart and we rekindled and now we are married! We have been living together for about 4 yrs now, and married for one year.
All this time, I have been trying to establish a relationship with both kids (girl is now 16yo and boy is now 18yo). I would try and talk with them. For some reason the girl has opened up to me and told me things. But the boy doesn't talk at all to me. He is a momma's boy through and through. I never reprimand the kids for doing anything and I don't make them do any chores. If there was something that I know their dad asked them to do, I might mention it to them but not in a scolding/mean way. I don't want to be that type of stepparent.
As the boy got older, he's gone through 2 cars thus far....and of course the dad has to foot the bill, the mother won't help claims don't have money. She left about a yr ago and they have been living with us full time now. I think this really, really bothered the son. But we never sought counciling.
He is doing disrespectful things. I found him smoking pot out on back porch. I did not deal with that situation, I informed the father and he handled it.
The son continually would take dishes w/food down to his room in basement and would put them under his bed. I would occasionally look under bed and put them on top of his bed causing him to at least move them before he lays down. I informed the father I was doing this, he said good for me. The boy was told to bring his dishes up.
Every time I tried to talk to him I was got the "i know", you know he knows everything at this age after all, lol.
I bought him things as well. Although I would find them on the floor/in closet with the tags still on them. So I eventually stopped doing that of course.
I would run errands to the store and ask if he needed anything and get something for him.

So just recently, I did the dish thing and put them on top of bed. This time there was 4 bowls and 4 spoons and a cup.

The next morning he posted a sign on his door: "STAY OUT OF MY ROOM PLEASE THANK YOU".
Boy this was it, this pissed me off to no end. He has no right to tell me what to do in my/his dads home. Boy I was furious. This was the last straw.
When dad awoke I expressed that I was pissed. I guess I expected for the sign to be taken down, but it was not. This irked me more. I took it down the next day.

I have now lost faith in him and just don't even want to see him. When he is at the house I pray that he just doesn't talk afraid I might say the wrong things/etc. Its difficult for me to live in the house with him here. Especially now that just this past Monday he had ACL surgery. I just don't have sympathy for him at all at this point. Sort of glad he is in pain, thats morbid, I know.
Since the father knows of why i'm pissed. The father doesn't know how to handle either. The father works nights so while he is working, the kid is staying at his mom's. By the way I talked to his mom too about this situation. She sympathizes with me as well.
If I can just hold on until he graduates, then I think he might up and leave. Although its now questionable if he is even going to graduate. Yep, he's been f'ing around and now has to try and raise his grades.

A part of mean wants to pour my heart out to him, but another part just doesn't even want to deal with it. I think its far too late for anything to be done. Perhaps i'm wrong.

Thanks for listening.