He turns to puddy in her hands. He gets a long great with my son for the two weeks she is not here, and then when she comes, my son is to blame for everything. He won't joke around like he does when it's just us, he's afraid his 5 yr old daughter will get upset (we tease, torment and poke fun at each other), the house work goes to the way side, and god forbid if I ask him to help out when she's here. I remember one time I asked him to help me, and he did for all of 15 minutes. His daughter occupied herself but he said "what's the sence of having her if I can't spend time with her, she might as well have stayed with her mom". all over 15 minutes of help. He wants life to come to a halt when she is around and make sure everything we do surrounds her. I put a stop to that though. I told him straight out that I don't stop my life (cleaning, errands, joking around etc) my oldest boy is over, I include him in them. I'm not about to stop my life for someone else's child when I won't do it for my own. He didn't like it at first, but has come to accept it. The only issue we have now is he has a hard time showing a united when diciplining the children. He's afraid they'll get mad at him. My s/o hates conflict and will avoid it at all costs. Even if it means giving in when he knows it's wrong. I could go on and on about this....but...by the sounds of things all of us on this board are living each others lives to a degree..:o)

Pixie, my "confidence" and his bullshit is the reason why we are couples councilling. A few weeks back, we went to my mom's house for an over night visit (she lives 2 hours away), we had both my kids, and sd, dh actually thought he was going to sleep with his daughterb/c he thought she's be scared. My own mother even spoke up and told him to grow up and maybe his daughter would then too!. haha go mom go! The ironic thing is....(too funny), in councilling our therapist can always make him see things from my perspective. The last session she actually told him to take my lead with raising his daughter in teaching her right from wrong, and if he can't do that to allow me to step in and just watch and learn. I almost fell off my chair when she said that, and at the same time keeping a poker face! (It was soooooo hard for me not to give him the "I told you so" look. So the other day dh and I were talking and I told him that I'm not trying to be critical of his parenting - he is a good dad, just lacks in some areas. But the way he is trying to raise her is the same way his parents raised him. He was never made to take any responsibility for his own actions, and it was never his fault always the other persons. Even his ex told me that according to his mother, it was all her (the ex's) fault, never his. I brought that up at the last session too. He was corrected very quickly (and gently) by the therapist that we all need to take responsibility for our own actions, and that we need to teach by example - how does he expect his daughter to learn if he doesn't do it himself. He had the decency to agree (looked sheepish even). So I have noticed a big change in him lately. When we have a disagreement, instead of blaming me for everything gone wrong, he admits his part in it and says " I guess I know what I need to work on extra hard, and I'm sorry". We go to another session tonight, I can't wait to see what else he needs to listen to me about!....hahahahaha (I know it's really NOT funny, but laughing on here is better than doing the "See told ya so" thing to him). But don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you deem as right and wrong for YOU. He might get mad, pout even, but he'll either get over it, or things will get worse. I've always said that habits can be changed, but who we are as people can not. I told dh hubby a long time ago that I will not change who I am to suit anyone even him. I also went as far to tell him that I would never try to change him otherwise he wouln't be the man I feel inlove with. Habits though, can always be changed even in the most stuborn of people. ;o)