Yes, I would start thinking about an exit strategy. If you feel like you cannot express how you feel, then you will likely explode with all these emotions - they will eat you alive.

If all your needs are being put off now - it will not get better as precious ages - it will get worse. She is a mini-wife and there is no room for anyone else. Currently you are the mistress - bed warmer - bringing money in so he can take care of his mini-wife.

Your man needs to realise that once his precious gets old enough, she WILL desert him. He will be left, old and  alone because he is no longer of any use to her.

Keep reading here and posting when you need to. The answers will happen. Hopefully you do not have children with this man - get out before you do!

I don't get the whole "SHE decided to move in with us."  Why the hell is that HER decision? It should be you, DH and BM's decision (you because it's your house, too).  Children don't decide such important things, and they certainly don't get to move because they want a house with fewer rules.

Well, time to make clear to your DH where you stand with all of this.

If you need a new phone buy one. If you need new clothes, but them. If you want a burger go out and get one.

Do not do her laundry or her dishes or anything else for her. Remind your hubby, in your sweetest most non judmental voice that the trash needs to be taken out.

If you don't think that your DH will be receptive to your feelings then don't bring it up. Live your life, spend your money, take care of yourself and let him come to you. We think these men are dense but they do in fact see everything, they just don't want to deal with any of it. So take a page from his book and stop dealing with his daughter.

We get it. I've been here long enough to realize tremendous benefits from implementing what I've learned here.

Since you work, why are you letting DH tell you that you can't spend money on things that you need? (or want) Perhaps you should consider splitting finances so you can spend your money on yourself and he can spend his on his daughter.

Have you never discussed any of this with your husband? Why talk divorce when you haven't even tried to work through this with him? Georgetta is right -- buy yourself what you need.

I very much understand feeling like SD is the other woman -- the "first wife." And I know that feeling that my husband would eat dirt so SD can eat foie gras...and by association, it's also OK for me to eat dirt so princess can have foie gras.

But if you talk to him, try to agree on how SD's presence in the home will be handled, maybe you can get him to see the light...at least a little.

Figure out your strategy and give it a try. Here are some tips I learned:

Never make it about you. When you discuss this with him, make your entire argument about what's best for SD. So instead of saying, "You're spending too much money on clothes for SD," say to him, "We're spending a lot on SD's clothes when we know she wants to go to camp this summer. We should spend less on clothes so we can afford the camp tuition." This isn't about being mean or selfish; this is simple budgeting -- there's only so much money to go around.

Speaking of budgeting...

Set an annual budget in December to decide how much you'll spend on SD's clothes, lessons, school expenses, etc., for the entire upcoming year. Then when SD whines that she wants something, no one has to say "no." You (or your husband) can just say, "We don't have enough in the clothing budget to get that dress now, but we could get it for you for your birthday." See? You're not saying no -- you're saying to SD, "You already got what you're getting unless that dress is important enough to you to make it one of your birthday gifts." This shows SD that the grownups already made a decision about what to spend on her clothes so there's no point in arguing or begging and SHE is not part of the decision making -- that's for you and your husband.

I'm not sure who is cooking and delivering meals to SD's bedroom, but that's got to stop. You'll get cockroaches. If it's your husband, tell him that ain't happening. Start having dinner as a family. If she doesn't come to the table, she doesn't eat. If he doesn't want to make her come to the table, then YOU DON'T COOK. Remind him that dinners were not served to him in his room when he was growing up, so that is his proof that it won't kill the kid to sit at the table for a half hour. SD does not get to enjoy family resources (food, for example) without having to act like part of the family. That means sitting at dinner and completing chores.

You will still feel at times that SD is his mistress. That never goes away, even if she doesn't live with you. But you can minimize that feeling AND have more control over the situation than you do now. Step up. Engage your husband in a discussion about how things will be handled with SD. You can't expect him to read your mind, but you can expect him to always consult you about decisions regarding SD. You can't expect SD not to try to take more than her share. It's up to you to out maneuver her and take your place as one of the two grownups in the household and then you can be sure she doesn't get more than her share. Give your husband a chance to be guided into a more reasonable situation with her. If he still fails, THEN it might be time to think about getting out.

It really sounds like this kid was allowed to move in and no one discussed how things would be handled and decisions made. Time to set some boundaries and make some rules. Even complete strangers sign leases when they move in together so everyone knows what will happen. Why wouldn't you do the same when family are involved???