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Feeling torn between daughter and step daughters

stepandmom's picture

Submitted by stepandmom on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 6:09pm

I have one daughter and 2 step daugthers, 11, 10 and 12 who all live with me and my husband. SDs both visit BM every other weekend but don't always want to go. I realize my situation is not the same as many SM who wish their step kids would be kinder but I constantly find myself feeling overwhelmed by them always being here and wish I could have time alone with my daughter more. My husband is NOT a hands on kinda dad, maybe because they are all girls...who knows. I feel guilty that I wish they weren't here so much but BM is just coming back into their lives after being completely absent for 2 years and she doesn't seem to want them with her much. It is peaceful and calm when they aren't here and when they are home there is nearly constant fighting between all three girls and my husband's patience seems significantly less. When I met my husband he was a weekend dad who loved his little girls and now 7 years later, I have three girls that I'm essentially raising alone!!! How did this happened??? How do I not feel resentful?

Comments

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 6:20pm

bless you ---- sounds like pure hell you are living..... make dh step and be dad to sd's..... take bd with you and go see your family or something for the weekend...... get away, you deserve it.....

stepandmom's picture

Submitted by stepandmom on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 7:22pm

Thank you, I wish getting away was that easy but working at home means when I'm not home working...I don't get paid. I will definately try to get away for a weekend or something soon. I do need desperately and so does my daughter.

Amy39's picture

Submitted by Amy39 on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 11:34pm

Hi there, I am new to Steptalk, but I so feel your pain, I have a 13 yr. old daughter and he has two girls 11, 15. They are always with me, I feel like they have taken away from me and my daughters time. if they go to there moms it's not for long and they are back. I miss picking up my daughter from school without fighting whose sitting up front, what we gonna eat without the drama of fighting over that, this has been the toughest thing ever, and his kids after 6 years are finally a little better with respect, but they used to run over me and hubby wouldn't say a word. He still don't, long situaton, but I feel your pain and I want me and my daughter time back and I am going to have to demand it! Good Luck I know how hard i is. Sad

stepandmom's picture

Submitted by stepandmom on Sun, 05/16/2010 - 2:24pm

@ Amy: WOW your situation does sound soooo similar!!! Its nice to hear that I'm not the only one going through this. I REALLY miss my mother/daughter time with my daughter too. Hopefully we will be able to find more of it soon. My in laws are taking his girls for 2 weeks this summer and my daughter doesn't want to go so hoping that works out for us to spend some time alone together. You do have to demand that time with your daughter. Just because you marry someone with kids of their own doesn't mean you change the type of mother you want to be and how you want to raise YOUR child. We need to be strong and stick to our guns. Does your daughter get along with his girls? Saying a prayer for you Smile

@Summerflowers: Thanks for the kind words. Its a little hard to just send them out when all three are soo close in age. I think it would be a little easier if we had kids together and some were a little younger but at times I feel like I have triplets. I am also dreading the end of school year, especially since I work at home. I will be with them 24/7!!! I'm going to lose my mind!!!!!!!