As my previous posts have stated I do not hate my SS BM but she is making it really hard to even be civil to her!! ( not that I would ever do anything to hurt my partners relationship with his son).

I guess these issues have been heading towards boiling point for awhile although my partner and I have been trying very hard not to let it come to that.

SS BM and my DF have a communications book between them (as they cannot even speak to each other without getting angry), this book is supposed to be used to discuss issues with SS and his progress and general well being, with that said it is more like a book for BM to accuse us of neglect and bad parenting!! Comments have been made by her such as 'he was covered in mosquito bites when returned to me, how could you let this happen' (he had insect repellent on but was playing in the pool so it mostly got washed off, and he was checked before he went home he had three one on his cheek, one on his hand the other on his leg). We have also been accused of making sexual comments to him ( he is two and nothing of a sexual nature is ever discussed near him EVER, I find it highly inappropriate to discuss sexual things outside the bedroom), SS BM also accuses my DF of being paranoid and delusional when he inquires about his son!!

Yesterday it hit the boiling point we were trying to avoid ... SS sustained an injury at daycare, another child poked him in the eye, day care called my DF and told him BM had picked his son up to take him to the doctors. My DF texted BM and asked has SS been to the doctors and if so what was the treatment? They reply he got was ' yes been to the doctors was given an ointment for the scratch on his eye to be applied three times a day', which is obviously fine with us my DF was just concerned about his son. So at 4pm my DF when to pick up his son for his weekday visit, his eye had a patch and his head was bandaged (still all fine) the issue came when SS was at our house and started stumbling when trying to walk, he couldn't hold himself up when trying to sit (he kept falling backwards) and when he was at the dinner table he was falling asleep and very incoherent telling us he couldn't see and didn't feel well.
DF and I felt that we should call BM to see if he had had any pain relief and if this was the reason for the drowsiness and odd behavior, at this point my DF got accused of calling her a bad parent for overdosing SS with pain medication and how dare we abuse her like this, she started yelling at DF that she did not want to communicate with him and all we do is abuse her( all he asked was what pain medication he was on and could he be having a reaction to the ointment), she then came and picked him up early even though 'he was fine'

My question is how do you deal with this?? Mediation has been scheduled but if BM is unwilling to communicate how is that going to help?? She stresses my DF out so much when all he wants to know is if his son is ok ....