BIG FIGHT!!! HELP
I don't know where to begin with this. I guess I will start with some basic information. I am mother to a 12 year old boy and step mother to a 16 year old girl, whose mother hates my guts... Anyways we pay alot of money in child support for sd but husband never gets to see or talk to sd. They had a big fight about 3 weeks ago over us selling a car that sd didn't want and ex told dh to never call again and so on. Anyways dh hasn't called in 3 weeks, I have tired to tell him to call and just leave messages for sd that you love her, but he won't. Today I find out the my son has to have braces that will cost around $5000.00, his father and I both carry insurance on him so it will probably end up costing us between $2,000 and $3,000. I called dh at work to let him know what we had found out and he starts yelling at me saying that was stupid and he didn't need braces and so on. I tried to talk calming to him, but he just kept yelling at me and cursing me. I ended up saying well we pay child support for your daughter plus we make sure all of her medical bills are paid. He says you are the reason I don't have a relationship with my daughter! I was shocked! I am always telling him he should spend more time with her or to call her. HOW AM I THE REASON????? I have been crying since the conversation with him and I am about ready to walk out the door because this isn't the first time he has acted like an a**. We have been together for 10 years and married for 8 and the ex has made my life a living HE**! My ex does not ask us for anything or try to cause problems we get along very well and we do it for our child. What should I do?
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If you're encouraging him to
If you're encouraging him to have a relationship and he won't pick up the phone to call her how are you the reason...DID YOU BREAK BOTH OF HIS HANDS? Wait maybe you were badmouthing dads life to SD(oh no that would've been BM) so if he just wants to hop on the it can't be my fault and you look like the one band wagon with his ex he really has some explaining to do. NOT YELLING-If he feels you are the problem see if he is willing to discuss it with you and if he refuses then hes likely just projecting his guilt and lack of responsible parenting onto you and personally I would call him out on it since if my DH made me that upset he'd better come home with explainations or alot of gold and a big apology! If DH does want to discuss try to keep from getting upset and try to understand where hes coming from it could be brutal but if he really sees it this way then you need to know why! Good Luck. Hope this helps and so sorry.
He is probably projecting his own feelings about himself
Onto you. Of course you aren't the reason for his relationship problems with his daughter but you are a good scapegoat. Don't allow him to put this onto you.
My ex did the same to me but truth is there were problems before I was on the scene. Interesting too...the big issues didn't occur until after we were married...prior to that his daughter really wanted us together.
So hang in there and know that this is not about you. This is about him and his feelings of inadequacy as a parent and perhaps some anger the situation. This is not about you....but don't worry about him and his relationship with his daughter....let that be his concern.
Man, what is up with dh, you
Man, what is up with dh, you don't deserve that at all! That is cruel. I hope you feel better and can stop crying, but that almost sounds like emotional abuse. That is so hard coming from someone you love and have given to unselfishly. I wish I had some advice, but this site has wonderful people on it and I hope someone can give you good advice that helps.
I think its the week for a**holes to come out!!
My a**hole hubby appeared last Friday and hasn't disappeared yet....maybe there is something in the air! Mine will normally fly off the handle but then apologizes soon after. Haven't a clue what's going on this time....he hasn't apologized and has told me he isn't about to because he isn't at fault. Hmmm....he was the one yelling and swearing and I was the quiet one who didn't react?!! Make sense to any of you's? And yes, it was right before the BM dropped off the kids. Could be stress knowing she was on her way over, who knows, but they don't need to take it out on us because of the BM problems.
Corie
Capt. Oblivious has turned into Major Prick
Yep, it must be in the air, because MY husband is being a huge jerk right now, too. I try to always be the calm, cool, collected one, but he upset me so badly today that I just burst into tears and called him an asshole. No big surprise... he knows he's an asshole. But life sure was easier when he was better at hiding it.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Sounds like he has that disease
DHcranialcacaitis.
What you are describing is emotional abuse!
Regardless of his reason or excuse...not acceptable or defendable. You don't deserve this.
Mine reared his ugly head tonight...
I don't know. I'm just as frustrated tonight as the rest of you. I'm tired of it frankly. It's not like any of us forced them to have these kids, get a divorce and life to be miserable... so why is it that we are the ones that they take it out on?
But tonight, after listening him mock me, and holding my tongue, breath, sanity... you name it... I let him have it. But it still didn't matter... I'm the bad guy. I'm still wrong, it's all my fault, and I turn everything around... I think for me, the worst part is that he never apologizes and will then he'll just turn right around from ripping me a new a hole, act as if nothing happened... whatever.
As for your post, Step-Monster- I don't know what to tell you. I'm in a crappy mood tonight so it's probably for the best. LOL. I do think it's unfair to you. Perhaps you can sit with him in a few days and talk things out rationally? I hope so. Keep us posted...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I have to wonder
If he talks to BM like he just talked to you. I was a single parent for years and if my Ex called me up yelling for ANY reason I would tell him where to go. A person who abuses someone emotional or verbally will not stop at just the wife. To me it sounds like he needs to look in the mirror and place the blame. As far as your son's braces if he doesn't want to pay for it fine. I would separate my assets from his and go ahead and get your son braces.
I think you and your husband
I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a heart to heart. My husbands ex never makes anything easy for us. But one thing I do know for sure is that my husband and I are on the same page and we support one another regarding our ex's. Likewise, my exh, my husband and I all have a wonderful relationship together. You need to ask him what is going on? Possibly something at work or maybe hes angry with himself for not pursuing his daughter more. Whatever it is, he has no reason to take it out on you especially when you are the one encouraging their relationship. If his exw is giving him crap all the time, he could fustrated with her but again taking it out on you. Communicate with one another. You'll be surprised and get down to the bottom of it all. Don't give up!
Thanks
I tried to talk to dh about why he got so angry and accused me of being the reason he doesn't have a realtionship with his daughter, but he told me he didn't want to talk about it. I haven't really pushed the issue but would like to know what is going on. As far as my sons braces go, he will get them no matter what anyone says. I work full time and I will make sure my child is taken care of. I am so glad that my ex and I get along for our child. My dh's ex is the devil and I feel sorry for anyone who has to put up with a woman like her. From what I have been reading there are alot of women that put up with the devil.... Thanks everyone for all of your help I will keep you posted if there comes a time that he wants to admit that he was wrong and talk to me... Won't be holding my breath!