You are here

Do We Pay Child Support

spittenfire's picture

Submitted by spittenfire on Mon, 04/14/2014 - 9:24am

So we have SS full time right now because BM signed a Safety Plan. He is to live with us until BM can find her own housing for herself and stepson and even then we do not know how long DFS will require her to maintain the household before they say it is ok for SS to go back to live with his BM. That is because her Boyfreind assaulted her and hit SS in process and that was the plan put in place by DFS to keep SS safe. Well this weekend BM shows up at SS field day for baseball and is upset and stating she is scared of Boyfriend and she is now 8 weeks pregnant. etc etc. Stated it is so hard she has no money and nowhere to go. I encourage her strongly to get an exparte and try to find a friend to stay with or we would take her to a womens shelter if need be. I then had a very lengthy conversation with her where I just let her vent her frustions and worries. During this she stated the boyfriend made her give him all of the child support money, do all the cleaning all the cooking and he would not let her work and still it wasnt enough....that he called her a worthless C@#$. I am very worried for her I really hope she gets that exparte and trys to get some help.

However now she is asking DH to pay the remaining balance for the child support this month. Stating it would really help to get her and SS thier own place. Our lawyer has told DH not to pay any child support this month since we have him full time and she has filed a motion to abate child support beginning March 31st since SS has been with us. I understand how it would help her but we need the money right now to take care of SS and we are not asking for her to pay child support while he is with us. We will see what the judge says on wednesday, if he refuses to approve the motion to abate then we will have to pay it but we are not paying it before then. What are your thoughts?? is this fair?

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 04/14/2014 - 9:45am

Why would you pay CS if kid is with you? No, not unless the judge says you have to. Child support is to support the child, not the BM.

spittenfire's picture

Submitted by spittenfire on Mon, 04/14/2014 - 10:51am

Thanks everyone. The Abatement has already been filed. The hearing for the abatement is in 2 days. I just feel so bad for her, I know it is choices she has made that has put her in this situation, but it still sucks and is very scary. As much crap as she puts us through we could never imagine having to tell SS something has happened to his mom. I called the case worker and voiced my concerns and asked her to please check on BM as I am worried that if I try to call or text it could set her Boyfriend off. The case worker is going to check on her and remind her of the resources she can use to escape the situation and help her develop a plan if need be. I have told BM if she will file for a OFP then I will immediatley take her to a local Womens shelter that helps women overcome and escape domestic violence. She told me on Saturday that she will file for one on Wednesday when we are at court for SS OFP hearing against the boyfriend. If she does that then we will take her straight to the shelter. I know it is a strange request but please pray for her safety. Sad

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Mon, 04/14/2014 - 11:56am

BM is in a terrible position and has a very long road ahead of her if she wants to turn her life around. I think it's great that you talked to her and offered to take her to a woman's shelter etc.

This is a very sensitive time with the custody transition, it is imperative that you listen to your lawyer and do what they advise.

If you want to help BM, you can help in the way you already offered, take her to a shelter/support group, advise her to talk to a priest or look into local woman's counselors etc. If you decide at the end of the day that money will help and you can do that, do it as a gift, don't call it child support and don't let her call it child support, it is not supporting the child.

spittenfire's picture

Submitted by spittenfire on Mon, 04/14/2014 - 3:07pm

Thanks everyone! All of you are absolutley right, SS is our main priority and we have no plans on letting SS go back to BM. We have offered the only help we are in a position to give and that is to take her to a local womens shelter. She does continue to be around him, I think she is more afraid of what will happen if she leaves versus staying. Dont worry beaccountable our home is very stable and he is doing very well and thriving. It just hurts my heart to watch her go through this, but I would never do anything that could be construed as putting SS at risk. Thanks everyone for your wonderful insight and advise. My DH did not even reply to her text this morning, he is very cut and dry about it, Im the bleeding heart that always wishes she could fix people and thier situations!