Cute or CRAZY?
BM called me yesterday and asked if she could get SD early today because she and new boyfriend (dating less than a month) want to take SD to the zoo with Boyfriend's niece.
BM told me she IS OFF HER ANXIETY MEDS AND HAVING LOTS OF ANXIETY ATTACKS, BUT SHE KNOWS SHE WILL BE BETTER WHEN SHE HAS SD AND SHE CAN SMELL HER.
Um...
BM still has no job and no car, and after she had this same guy take her to SD riding lesson she told me she was not attracted or interested in this guy. Hmmmm, wonder why she's "dating" him? Couldn't be for a ride and someone to pay her way, could it????
She asked me to talk to Dh about it and have him call her back. Dh called her back and as calmly as could be he asked her who she was going with and then told her.."BM, I'm having a hard time understanding where you are coming from on this because we were just told in that parenting class(last month) that you shouldn't be introducing SD to your boyfriends until you've been seeing them at least 6mo." Click! she hung up.
DH called and left her a message telling her he was just trying to have a discussion with her, that she could get SD at the regular time and call him back with any questions.
She text me, "you just can't live and enjoy life with me can you."
Dh called her and left another message that we are happy she has a new relationship, but it's just not the right time to bring SD into it and SD has been looking forward to time with BM, not BM and this guy.
BM called back, and lost it! She was crying and screaming, she said, "Why do you always have to have control over me?! You can't dictate everything I do!It's not FAir!" DH told her, "I'm not trying to dictate what you do, but when it involves the well being of SD..." BM, screaming louder now, "Don't talk to me about the well being of my daughter, I think about her all the time! There's not a second that goes by that she not in my head! I love her so much and you're sitting there trying to tell me I don't care about my daughter! You of all people should know what it's like to go without your kid, she's not even your kid Dh! I'm done with this conversation, I'll see you tomorrow!" Click!
So goes the merry go round and dealing with bipolar disorder.
Back to the smelling thing, cute, or crazy?
I understand feeling more peace when your child is with you, just knowing and being able to see they are safe is wonderful. But needing to smell her???
So my fear is that she is unhealthy off her meds, and while BM thinks she is better smelling SD, what does that do to SD? I see an unhealthy, co-dependent relationshiip developing from BM's behavior and as of right now SD seems pretty healthy and not too worried about BM. When she realizes BM needs to smell her to feel better, she may begin to feel totally responsible for her mother.
Just had to blog it out,
Thanks everyone!
Shell
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I like to
Smell my 1 year old... lol... (his toes im weird...
But that's just me!
But it definitely sounds weird. I wouldn't say "I need to smell my son, to feel ok" ha! that sounds kinda sick...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
I hate to sound like a wacko but....
some people are just very sensory in nature. I love the way my kids smell, the feel of their hair and their soft cheeks, the sound of their voice, etc. Maybe I'm just weird like that, but in and of itself, I wouldn't say wanting to smell your child is crazy. At least I hope it's not! It's not like I walk around sniffing them for no apparent reason. Especially BS, he's 11 and starting to stink!
However... thinking that smelling SD will reduce her anxiety attacks? I don't know. If she's all worked up about not seeing her (does she only get her EOW?), I guess I could see where she would say something like that and not mean it in the literal sense. If she thinks that she can just walk up and sniff her like taking a dose of medication - yeah, that's weird. Crazy or not, she sounds like she gets pretty emotional when talking to you and your H. She may just be spouting of in an emotional state, something that's not coming out right. THAT may mean that she's crazy!
What's really crazy is that she would say it to you!! As much as I miss my kids when they are at their dad's and can't wait for them to come home so I can kiss their chubby cheeks, I wouldn't SAY it to EH.
Dh and I had a good laugh about that.
We have no doubt SD is Dh's child, but he never had a dna test done so we think she's just trying to upset him. It didn't work, DH just laughed afterward. He said it's so funny she would try to say that now, after all the times we were in court. He said the funniest part is he has primary custody now, so regardless if she wants to say SD is not his, she is his!
THen today I was thinking about what she said right before that, "You of all people should know what it's like to be without your child" She may have been refering to DH's relationship right before he met BM, the girlfried had a little girl he raised for 5 years and when they split he couldn't see her anymore. That would make more sense.
BM has first third and fifth weekends, Thursday through monday morning. But we have given her an open invitation to see SD here at our house anytime. She just hasn't been taking her time since CPS got involved in February.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
Well, telling someone you need to smell your child
is a little strange. Although I do love hugging my children and feeling their cheecks, etc. But, I don't think I would tell anyone that especially a SM. However, if she does not have child all the time, I can see where maybe she is feeling like it would make her feel better. I don't have exes or Sparents to deal with when it comes to my biological children so I have them every minute of every day. However, I guess I have kind of a co-dependent relationship with my children because I think I would have a hard time dealing with the arrival of a stepparent all of a sudden.
We get the "not even your
We get the "not even your kid" line all the time too...wonderful isn't it? She sounds like she twists things to fit her agenda just like BM in my case. And yes, the smelling thing is very weird. I understand liking the smell of babies, but that smell disappears and they get older and then it turns just plain weird!
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
SouthernShel
Just curious if you've been watching Tough Love TV show, as the last episode had a "Cute or Crazy" Game show scenario where these girls had weird things revealed about them and then it was determined whether they were cute or crazy.....I love that show. I wonder if they could do a version of that show for BM's titled Crazy or Crazy?
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
Yep,
It was on my mind when I posted.
And at the end of the Crazy or Crazy show the crazys should all locked up in a crazy box for life! Ha, ha!
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
I think ...
That for BM to have visits with SD she need to be on her meds! Also I agree with the minimum of 6 month before being introduced to BM/BD partners as is heart breaking to watch a child grieve for some one who is important to them but who isn't allowed to be in their lifes any more cause BM/BD doesn't like them any more. Oh and sniffing SD to feel better is Wrong as it guilts the child into believing BM can't cope without her... and NO child is should ever responible for their parents mental well being.
i agree with zimka
Your BM sounds like ours. Ours has biopolar and its a rollercoaster ride all the time. SInce she is basically unreliableand illresponsible see has limited time with her daughter. We cant trust her at all. If your BM is not on her meds that spells trouble!!
shells...
"see an unhealthy, co-dependent relationshiip developing from BM's behavior...."
Bingo. She needs to be able to feel right without relying on someone else to fulfill that need. Daughter or not.
It's part of the dance. She KNOWS what guidelines to follow but just can't quite step up to the plate. So if she makes an unreasonable demand to DH (like picking SD up with a new BF) and he says no, she has transferred blame to DH. He won't "allow" her.
Gosh, I'm sorry shells.
Neverending, huh?
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley