IT
That is my new name for BM an IT. The kids went to ITs for mothers day. And in true IT fashion, when we picked the kids up, youngest SD was clean, hair washed, nails done, clean clothes. Oldest SD hadn't had a bath since thursday, her clothes hadn't been washed, her hair was nasty filthy, and she stunk. DH asked her about it and older SD said IT "didn't want her wasting water" EXCUSE ME? Wtf? To top things off younger SD had a gash on her leg from glass that IT had made NO mention of (luckily YSD didn't need stitches, but still, IT could have mentioned it) IT took their phone away (violation of court order) and as usual, IT ignored OSD all weekend. And IT kept them up till 4 BOTH NIGHTS. so needless to say, BOTH kids are grouchy this morning from lack of sleep. *sigh* looks like a long week trying to get things back to normal.....
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IT wants nothing to do with
IT wants nothing to do with her and ignores her every chance she gets
Basically BM sees OSD as
Basically BM sees OSD as being "just like her father" and has never wanted her around. DH told me that when OSD was a baby, BM would pass her off on anyone who would watch her. The only reason she interacts with OSD is when she wants to talk to YSD (BM is deaf, YSDs ASL is not as fluent as OSD) and basically BM sees OSD as a "burden" or, as she told DH one time "nothing but a pain in the ass"
Our BM is the same way. SD12
Our BM is the same way. SD12 is pretty much ignored, she didn't want her when she got pregnant and that hasn't changed a whole lot. She really really didn't want a girl either. She got preggo with SS6 on purpose with hopes of forcing my DH to not leave - it worked for a bit but since nothing changed, DH left anyway.
SS6 is the prince. SD12 is the unwanted.
I have noticed though, over the last year now, SD12 bends over backward to get attention from her mother - her mother uses this to her advantage and now SD12 is 'slave' to SS6. BM has her making his meals, entertaining him, basically being his mother at BMs order.
Its a pity - BM has really really messed SD12 up.
Sounds exactly how BM sees
Sounds exactly how BM sees SD.
When DH and I first moved in, SD and I started to bond and BM went nuts. She started in on SD telling her to 'just go live with your father if that is what you want', and 'you don't need me, only SS needs me'. DH not knowing what to do sided with BM so I backed off, way off, no way in hell I was putting SD in that situation.
SD and I get along ok but there is a huge distance. BM didn't want her but didn't want her to have a relationship with me. SD begs BM, no mommy, I love you mommy, I need you mommy - it breaks my heart.
SD was in theapy for a bit but BM yanked her when the therapist basically tagged as the source of most of SDs problems were in fact, BM - BM wanted the therapist to say it was because DH divorced her, nope, BM, its you. The therpist made some progress in getting SD to see she wasn't responsible for her mothers happiness that it was her mothers choice, not SDs. But BM yanked her and DH buried his head in the sand.
Today, SD hides anything to do with her mom from me and even from DH to some degree, but absolutely from me. I have a close bond with BD12 and SD envies it, I feel bad but both BM and DH put the brakes on any relationship with SD for me. I blame DH because he could have made a change, I wonder now if its too late, I know I am the type to be once bitten twice shy.
On top add my own 'mother issues' to the pile, i too left home at 17. My mother and I do ok from a distance only - 3 days of visiting and i have had enough. My mother was jealous I think of the relationship I had with my dad, or at least it sure felt like it. I didn't have any strange thing going on or anything like that, but I did everything with my dad, not my mom and she didn't like that. I was more comfortable to talk to my dad than her and I didn't seem to irritate my dad like she does - lol - Anyway, needless to say, my relationship with SD could have been like I have with BD but it will never be thanks to BM and DH - I just feel sort of done.
OSD is seeing someone who is
OSD is seeing someone who is super awesome. I know she sees BM for what she does, and she's stopped trying to please her. Friday before DH and I dropped the kids off OSD made the comment "if I have to go fine, I'll DEAL with it. Not gonna like it, but I'll deal with it" today has been well, tense to say the least. OSD saw her therapist this morning, and DH and I are just waiting for the usual fallout that comes after they see BM