DH had a trial date for January (2015), but the second case conference last week was to go over the reports of interviews with DH, BM2 and SS14.

BM2 shocked everyone by saying she wouldn't fight over DH's desire for SS10's custody.

They are moving to another province and were trying to go as a unit, but now she's taking her oldest, and leaving DH and her son with us. (SS14 isn't DH's bio but legally is his).

So instead of working on preparing myself for changes in January, things are changed now. SS10 is staying at BM2's until end of July when they move, then is with us fulltime. Other than scheduled trips.

This is a big change for me, and I'm struggling with dealing with his whining going to be around all the time.

On a similar note, DH and I talked recently about how I've been thinking more about kids, and he said he was willing to consider it down the line (he's currently been fixed for near 11 years) with fertility help. Biopsy from him, egg from me, fertilize and implant. Fraction of the cost of a reversal, and much higher success rate.

I thought my mind would leave it at that. That I was wanting kids suddenly because I couldn't have them, and now that the option was there, brain would go 'alright, it's there if we want. Now onto other things to think about.' Apparently not. Now I'm watching kids everywhere we go and how they act, what the parents are doing, what they have with them (stroller, bag, this or that), listening more intently when coworkers discuss their parenting stories, pregnancy stories and everything. I downloaded the entire 'What to expect when you're expecting" book and have been reading through that.

I'm torn because DH's oldest turns 17 next week. BM1 is currently pregnant (in theory--with multiple cancers running through her supposedly). DH's youngest is 10. Part of me is going 'I really want that, I want my own little being that is mine, to care for, to share experiences with, to help' but then I'm thinking 'SS10 will be out of house in 8 years, or at least we don't have to worry as legally about him. We could travel. '

Travel, or kid.

DH has been talking about how old he feels lately, and I'm noticing my ailments more lately (Think I'm just hyper aware right now though) and wondering if it's a good idea. I don't pay attention to things, is it weird for a 18 year old to have a father in their late 50s? DH is 37 right now, but it wouldn't be within the next year that this happens.

Then, the worrier that I am, I start thinking about family outings. Would it be rude to do family photos with just the three of us, if we still did some with all five of us? What about vacations? Granted, even if we did this procedure next summer, and it took, by the time the kid is 4, SS17 would be 22...so probably not vacationing much with family. I don't even know.

How many of you have come into the family with the kids being older, and with no kids of your own? I'm younger than DH, so he's got years of "experience" on me.

=-s