for any of you with anger inside you from your life with dh---long, question at bottom
not because of dh, but because of all he comes with.
a psycho cunt mother in law. a pathetic lazy fat ex wife that harasses you. family (inlaws) that pretend to be nice to you to get things from you like 500 dollars worth of vip rose parade tickets because i get them every year for free, but expect you to be "the bigger person" and feel bad because bm has a crappy life, and stay friends with her on mysapce and still send her xmas cards.
other inlaws that avoid you like the plague because mil is such a bitch, and no one wants to be held accountable for their actions.
im really struggling and i feel like im taking out all my anger on dh. i just want to shake these people and make them realize what they are doing and why its wrong and hurtful. my dh is the best, he tells me, forget them he doesnt care if he ever sees them again, i am the most important thing in his life, and he lives for me. he wants me to focus on us and our life and our four walls.
i feel like im having a nervous breakdown, why cant his family treat us the way we deserve to be treated and stop having one big pitty party for bm. we are hard working caring loving people. instead we have to be the bigger person...dont they see that we are the good people who are caring and work our buts off for our life, but no they feel sorry for bm because she has had a "hard life" dont they see that its not that its a hard life, its that she is a shitty lazy person who wont get off her fat lazy ass and make something of her life?
im so angry, and im not my self. im usually the life of the party! always happy, always finding the bright side, always going above and beyond for people just because! now im bitter, and angry and shutting down, i find myself with mean un happy thoughts, and its ruining my time with dh....
what are some things you do to work through this? what are some things i could do to get this anger out in a healthy way?
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Are you seeing a therapist?
Are you seeing a therapist? I also try and take some time out for myself when things are getting overwhelming. A quiet evening at Starbucks is a nice break. Of course its all still there when you return home, but the little breaks help. Is there a hobby or pastime you enjoy? Make a point to treat yourself from time to time. No one else is going to.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
no, i work 6 days a week,
no, i work 6 days a week, and any time i have off im cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of something that needs to be done. ive really been thinking and i feel like i have no "quality" time with dh even though we are together every night. im always on the go...trying to work as much as possible and bring in as much extra money as possible since we are moving in to our new house. any time i try to take for my self i feel resentful because id rather be having quality time with dh, but when its not the way i hope for it to be im resentful that i dont take time for myself.
i think i do need to talk to someone, its just one more thing on my long list of things to try and accomplish though in the few hours i have to try and get that kind of stuff done
OMG I think we are sisters..
OMG I think we are sisters.. J/K I found myself miserable not the life of the party anymore, not looking at the bright side anymore - you know what you have to tell your DH that you love him and in order to save your marriage you are letting go of his mother - unless he can take a stance if he said to his mom This is my wife this is how it is - she would crap.. He is supporting you with "forgetting them" be there for him are they really worth your marriage, your sanity or your sparkling personality? Hell no they are not.. SO screw them let them live in there self absorbed world and live miserably all of them even the mother of his kids.. you owe her nothing.. C'mon you can do this if it makes you feel better tell them all off and be done... Release the frustration on them..
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
thats it! HELL NO! they are
thats it! HELL NO! they are not worth it! i know this through and through, i just cant get the anger out of me, its like im holding on to it for dear life waiting for them to be held accountable...i just need to let go, i know i need to, i just cant figure out how to do it! how is it that i know i need to so clearly and my dh has nothing to do with them supports and loves me more than anything in the world....AND STILL i cant let go of this freaking anger towards his shitty family? ugh im so frustrated with my self!
The anger you have to direct
The anger you have to direct what you feel at the people who are making you feel this way. Thats the only way to rid yourself of the anger.. Trust me I have been there done that, and am still trying to deal with people and get it out. So your an adult - you can let them know in an adult manner what they have made you feel like.. THen and only then will you rid yourself of the "anger toxins".... and your man needs to understand that.. you have to hav a little bit of control.. and feel it..
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
Smnikki - From your
Smnikki - From your pictures, you have an absolutely beautiful family. Sure it would be nice to have all the support and love from other family members, but at the end of the day it's those 3 beautiful ppl in those pictures that count, you, DH and SS. Are you laying your head down at night with BM or with MIL? Will you be growing old and gray with BM or MIL? No.
It's the love that the two of you share, that discredits any opinion that BM or MIL have of you guys.
As for releasing anger in a healthy way, I've been thinking about investing in a punching bag for the garage....I say, bring it on BM and MIL...you're only making my body look that much more FABULOUS!
((((Hugs))))
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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."
I think it should be a
I think it should be a requirement of every new husband to buy their wife a full sized heavy punching bag to hang in the garage. I want one. It would be a wonderful tool to help with feelings of helplessness and anger. I know what I'm putting on my Christmas list this year. Thank you Middlemom!
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
what are some things you do
what are some things you do to work through this?
I haven't found a "healthy" way to work through this whole thing...I work out with the heavy bag...lots of punching and kicking. Tons of meditation every spare second I have and loads of soft,calming music. I've cut down my caffeine intake hugely just to try to curb some of the excitability that comes with caffeine which ultimately helps me stay calm and less angry.
I've also REALLY started to hone my skills of "forget it" . Once something happens to really piss me off whether it's inlaws kissing the feet of poor,neglected BM or DH being a complete spineless wimp...I have started to just get out the anger and move on whether it's fixed or not. Some things just can't be fixed and won't matter when I'm 80 so I try to forget it after I express my feelings on it. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't.
And also working on not overthinking life and just living it on my own little road.
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi
If you are feeling this
If you are feeling this negatively, the people you live with have to pick up on it in some way. I know you want more alone time with DH, but you may not be able to get that. So when you are frustrated, you really should be taking some time for yourself.
I forgot another thing I do. I'm a little passive aggressive, and do little things that make me feel better like enjoying yummy piece of cake in the car on the way home. That's a little indulgent moment that other people would like as well, but I don't have to share with anyone.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
SMNikki - I cry. I shut
SMNikki - I cry.
I shut the door and cry. I cry until I can't cry anymore. I cry until I feel like "wow...I'm silly - it's not this bad.".... I take a shower and cry and let the steam and water wipe the tears from my face.
I allow myself the "bad feeling"... and don't try to talk myself out of it. And then I look at my husband, and see him in all of his goodness and realize that he is what matters!
MIL over here still treats BM like a long lost friend when she sees her. Whatever. I know what BM really is like.. and what she is to her ex-husband and her daughter. I know how MIL is.... she is a little bit of a gossip. In my head I think she is doing it for SD... because after all, BM is SD's mom. But I also feel that part of it is her not letting go from the divorce. Old Italian... doesn't like divorce. Whatever. My husband can't stand it either, so I know it's not just me... and that's all the validation I need.
Cry it out. Realize that you aren't alone - you have your DH. And realize that you can "pretend" happy face for SS just as good or better than them.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Nikki, you know I love ya
Nikki, you know I love ya girl, but you have GOT to get this under control.... I have always found that walking around the block a few times helpful. OR writing/typing my feelings out helps too. I have also bought a hammer (pink one just for me) and some 2x2's and some nails and pounded away on them...... i also have bought dishes at a thrift shop for pennies, then broken them in the garage. Its very cathartic!!!! Love ya!