Now, not Lucifer.

I'm so happy for you that you have the truth now and you can get on with your lives without this troubled child.

But I have to say, how sad for this little girl. I realize her behavior was horrible but I imagine the 'abandonment' of all she new of a dad and now likely growing up without one will probably mess this girl up even more. Not to mention what the BM might tell her and how that will affect her.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. You did what you needed to do. I'm just saying, you gotta feel bad for the kid.

Has destroyed more lives in the last 3 years than anything and I say good for you. The hurt caused by her and her bm is now no longer an issue, or it shouldn't be. You did the right thing and you need to think about and focus on your baby and keeping her safe. Again, GOOD FOR YOU!!!

It is very sad for this girl BUT its up to her Mother to take care of her and stop lying. In the end, it was her mothers fault for lying and beign what she is. Unfortunately her daughter will pay the price.

She is not your problem any longer or your husbands. Concentrate on the new baby and your family.
CA - i guess is Child assistance? I'm sure this will be cut off for several reasons.
1. Your dh was lied to by bm on fatherhood.
2. He's got BS to take care of , and a new baby on teh way.
He has no legal right to lucy, and has no financial responsibility.
You can go to court and stop the cash. Its up to her mother now to take care of her and find the real father.
p.s what exactly did lucy do, being that she is only 3 1/2?? i can understand bm being the ex or exgirlfriend from hell...but a 3 1/2 year old???

OMG! i just read your blog and saw she 8 years old and you only had her for 3 1/2 years....how convenient of bm to give her once you married your dh... She must have realized this girl had behaviour problems and thought...yah sabatoge his new life....hmm..
Well mommy dear will have alot of explaining..i'm sure she'll lie to her and say that dad didnt' want you and its all because of you...but if sd ever calls or dh, you tell her straight out! Dh, is not your father, i'm not your father, sorry , your mother is lying to you. I hope all goes well with you.
I'm sure all the other kids in the house must be relieved that she is gone.

by the way, did bm know you were getting a paternity test done????

what did she say after your dh told her she can keep her and why?

she obviously has some serious issues and I hope she gets some help. But I'm EVER SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I hope you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and just look forward to the day your new daughter arrives. Poor BM. Looks like she's gonna have to drag some more guys into court, huh? How humiliating for her. Boo hoo. Take a deep breath and relax. Your work is done. Go have a romantic dinner date with your hubby!

i am supere duper happy for you!!!!

And I hate to rain on your parade, but your husband did acknowledge the child as his, so guess what...the courts will more than likely continue to make your husband financially responsible for this child. The BM can take him to court for support and probably will get it too. He won't have to exercise visitation, but the courts will look at it as he acknowledged the child was his, has supported her for the past X years, and it would be in the child's best interest if he continued supporting her. It won't matter that the BM lied. The only way he may not be held liable is if the mother names another guy, does a paternity test and the real father acknowledges the child as his. You guys need to consult with a family law attorney ASAP.

a "Crazy"BM wrote that law (best interest of the child) Remember to them, $$ fixes everything! ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

I don't know what the laws are on this but in my humble opinion, if the father was deceived all this time, or believed that he was indeed the father (without the deception), I don't think he should continue to be on the hook financially. As for the support already paid? I think the father should have the option to recoup the costs if he wants. I think the greater concern here should be the child's emotional well being and whether or not it's best that he continue his relationship with the child.

that is what should be put first, the emotional well being of the child. Even if BM was not deceiving him, this child is going to know that her father is "not" her father, and that some one els contributed to her being here! That is tough enough, and most kids in this situation will want to know who their Bio parent is, I know I did. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

the CS could continue until the bio parent is found, if possible, ( than he can pay/have a relationship)if not, than dorothy's suggestion would be a good way to go about it. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

the sadness at finding out your dad isn't your dad and the joy at never having to be left alone with a woman who hates you would totally overshadow any concerns the skid would have about support checks.

A more pressing concern, for me, is this man's delight at running from the child he raised for the past three years.

How many of us would squeal with joy if our husbands realized the marriage licenses were never filed properly and they just disappeared one day?

IMO it's kinda sick that he's so happy to wash his hands of this child... the only innocent victim in the situation.

He is the presumed father. He is still on the hook for child support. He has been established as her father and acting in the capacity of one for the last few years. He waived his right to a paternity test, and did not contest within the year of the DD being finalized. Basically, he is not the biological father, but as far as the courts are concerned, he IS the legal father. I think some other members are going thru the same thing and are still paying CS, but they also pursue visitation. Hopefully they chime in as well.

if my DH found out that our marriage was "not legal" in some way, he would just marry me again! LOL Not to pick a fight, but comparing the two things here are not the same. The man in question may be just happy that he is "washing his hands" from the BM in this situation. Who knows. I do agree with you Squillion, that it is terribly sad that this child is going to have to go through this.No child should. Hopefully stuff like this will not continue to happen, otherwise we ALL will be getting p-tests done when kids are born. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

and maybe a p-test at birth is not a bad idea, kinda like insurance if anything happens. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

My DH suspects that his son (ss16) is not his. I'm not surprised, and would not be surprised to find out that he is not his kid, givin BM's track record. BUT, we refuse to find out, for many reasons, some being that he is 16, DH is the only Dad he's ever known (despite BM pushing for her many scummy BF's to be, long story) it would devestate not only SS but the whole family, and we simply love him, even though he can be a pain in the a@@! So no way would we do a test now. Whatever it is, it is, everything els is history. Is how we look at it. ~ " I'm awful sorry you got pissed, just have to cross you off the list, of my true friends." PHISH~

It'd be like what the military does for overseas births. You have to have a test to establish paternity if the father is in the military before they'll issue a birth certificate. This is to make sure that the baby is a US citizen. They did this to my ex's little brother. Too bad they couldn't do one at the same time for him. I still believe that my exMIL pulled on over on exFIL.

so, how are things progressing???

sad for the child? yes --- maybe even sad for DH....

but IMHO he should NOT be financially responsible for this kid --- argue, not the kids fault? no it's not, and DH isn't completely at fault for being so gullible.... so why should he be the one that ultimately gets screwed --- no pun intended....

and don't they say "kids are resilient?"

as others have said, DH probably will get fucked over on the financial aspect of it all and may even be expected to remain in skids life emotionally.......... sad thing is you will resent that kid more if that's the case...

best of luck, keep us posted on what's happening....

Hopefully now that everyone knows he's not the dh, is there a possibility the bm won't pursue it legally? Either way I would fight it, and worst case senerio sent the check to the court, and be done with it. Its her deception, she needs to find the real father and the child needs to form a relationship with him.

Also, it can get complicated with your own children if you have any or plan to, and now you won't have to tell them "dad" has another child, and frankly I would be dancing that bm will be out of your lives for good. For sure make it clear you don't want any contact with her.

please keep us posted on how this turns out. I think that the part of this story that everyone is overlooking is that although she is a child - Lucy has abused another younger child and SM2lucifer is having a baby! With or without this paternity test, Lucy may have had to be removed from SM2Lucifer's home after the birth of the baby anyway because the "best interest" of the baby also has to be considered! Unfortunately, there is no easy or best answer to neatly address this family's problems to everyones liking!

first of all, i am a close friend to sm2lucifer. i am a first hand witness to this awful situation she has been put into. let's go back to the beginning here- 3 years ago when she was thrown into the role of sm. she took on the responsibiity of raising that little girl even though she had her doubts dh was real daddy. she did push for a paternity test- dh husband disregarded that request (his big mistake) and the courts ignored her request, as she is "just a sm". she cared for this little one like she was her own. yeah, she admitted that she did not like her but, she still treated her well (and that is an understatement) and i think we can all say, we have said we don't like so and so...but, it doesn't mean we don't love them or wish them harm. summer break rolled around and sd went to vist bm- first thing sm said was...it takes awhile to get used to her being away, i end up missing her. sd put her through the ringer- she lied, had tremendous freak-outs, stole, and most importantly...molested her nephew. she still gave sd a chance- she was the one to say let's get her a counsler. she did everything right for this child. it is too bad it ended up this way...i know, in sm's heart- it's not what she wanted. i think she knew she would of been this little girls only chance at a postive upbringing. sd lost a lot with the outcome of those results. so, i think those of you making comments about her and dh's choice to get a paternity should take a minute and think. not all sm's are bad- being one myself, i know how hard it is to raise someone else's child especially when the child's custodial righs were not dh's from the beginning of the marriage. sm did not do the wrong thing, in my opinion by getting the test done or by sending her home to bm. why shouldn't she of- this child, is going to live in a much different enviroment then the one she is used to but, at least she is going to get a chance at finding out who her real dad is. It is his choice at that point to be a part of her life. why should 2 people who are not blood related to this child decide she shouldn't get the opportunity to know her bd. how would that make them any better then the lying bm? now, bm needs to step up and act like a real woman just like sm did 3 years ago- accept she made a mistake, think long and hard about who she screwed 8 yrs. ago and make a better life for her daughter.