I can see why you're going through this. The drive to have a child of your own is what is keeping the species going. Good luck, Mr.Skylerlyn, fighting that primal drive with that super romantic line of yours. ["what if you don't find anybody else?" is so guaranteed to make the knees quiver]

Many of us SMs feel that sense of isolation and outsidership you mention so you are right under the big bell curve, there. In addition, you still have the chance to make your own family if only your dh would make good on his promise. Of course that hurts on a very, very deep level.

Have no answers for you but just wanted to give you a word of solidarity. Going into these marriages none of us has any idea what strange new feelings we are letting ourselves in for. That one where they are all being cozy and dna-connected and all while we're doing the dishes or otherwise supporting THEIR existence is a doozy.

When I met my husband he was crazily keen on having children with me. I made him promise that I could have 3 children with him. Today he says that he doesn't care if he has any more kids and the only reason he felt that way when we met was because he thought it would cement our relationship, whereas now he knows that we have a great relationship and we don't need to add kids to make it last. Fortunately he has agreed that if I want kids he will not object, but it does take some of the excitement out of it knowing that he isn't too fused. If I were in your situation and my husband had turned around and said that he doesn't want any more kids at all, I would leave him. I have a great relationship, but when we got together I was very clear on what I wanted and I expect him to stand by his word.

If your husband is going back on his word, plus it sounds like you aren't very comfortable in your role as SM, then I would give some consideration to discussing divorce with your husband and let him know your reasons why. He will then have the option to change his mind and the way he treats you or to wish you good luck and wave you on your way.

Ok first, I agree with other posters completely.

Second, your marriage is built on a lie. He didn't "change his mind." Sorry. When he he had vasectomy he made up his mind. Then he told you a story to get to get you to settle down with him and do his dirty work. His failure to even discuss the issue tells you all you need to know. In a marriage between equals, one person doesn't just decide the won't discuss an issue of paramount importance to the other. Let alone one they had previously discussed and made promises based on.

The first thing I would is to STOP, stop doing whatever it is you are doing for his kids that prevents you from having a career. I get the sense you are not working or not working full time so you can take care of his kids. Stop, re establish your career. If that means your DH needs to find childcare oh well. That's his problem.

Then when you both are on equal footing, tell him if he will not have a kid with you, you will leave. This is NOT about Dna as other posters suggested. You could adopt who cares. I will tell you though, as a doctor, you can do IVF without your husband getting a reversal. They aspirate the sperm from the epididymis. Anyway, it's about being a Mom. And it's a deal breaker for many. If it is for you, don't be afraid to own it. It's your right.

If he won't come around then move on. You're plenty young and could find a man that actually wants kids with you. Good luck!

Well isn't he being a selfish prick?

He gets you on board to be the bed warming nanny to his kids. You get an automatic family with no opportunity to have your own baby. Easy wasn't it?

I bet he is wonderful in many ways. But he has everything he wants. Nice wife, good kids, a well paying job. Why would he want another baby around? As I said, selfish prick.

Sit down and lay it out constructively. He has his family. You do everything for HIS family yet you do not have a family of your own. He is denying you a child of your own while not having any problems about taking on his children with 2 other women and you are left doing the mommy things.

This has to resolve. I would suggest seeing a counsellor. Find out what you can and would do if the final answer is no. Do you divorce? Do you live in this festering frame of mind and eventually bludgeon him to death in his sleep? Do you move on and re-invent your life and find a man who wants children as much as you do?

The one thing to consider would be his age. Is he mid forties? Because he may well not want to be shuffling around a teen in his 60s. That may be one aspect of his reluctance. But I am just guessing here.

If this is not the case... revert to my first sentence... selfish prick.

Honestly, I'd just leave him now. I know my heart would be breaking, but I can hear your heart breaking in your post above. Your trust in him is damaged, I don't know that I could have faith he could rebuild it. And no matter how much I love my husband, my OWN happiness is more important.

And yes, you will find another partner. As a single person you could pursue having a child on your own even if you haven't found a partner in your timeframe. But life is long and you will find someone to enjoy spending it with. So much better than to spend it filled with regret and resentment. And chores and other career-women's kids.

Oh darling, I'm so sorry you feel like this and are going through what you're going through. There are so many layers to life, and it is not easy. I feel how you are feeling in many ways. I just want to give you a hug!

It's not easy taking on children that are not yours and there are many sacrifices you find yourself making every day and then thinking 'what for?'. You need to be happy and go and find the life you have always wanted xxxx you are certainly not there to just run around after his children. You need things for you. You sound like an absolute angel for all you have done and I'm sure that there is appreciation of it. But don't feel stuck honey, get out if it's what you are leaning towards more than staying. Life is not always easy, you need to be happy xxxx