... It never ends. I think I just need to vent. I have no idea how to sum up 5 years of hell in a few paragraphs but I'll try.

I met my husband six years ago. Him and his ex had decided it wasnt working, they were both miserable so made the decision to seperate with the intention of divorcing ultimately. Hubby saved up enough for a deposit on a apartment and moved out of the family home. He left her everything plus paid her half his paycheck. Was amicable right? Well three weeks later BM moved her boyfriend into the house. Hmmm.. well anyways... so about six months later him and I met. I lived quite a distance away so the relationship was mostly phone calls and the occasional weekend visit. DH and his ex had numerous conversation with each other about how better off and happy they were. DH got to see his girls anytime he wanted, and when he moved to a different city (for another job) he saw them every other weekend. No problems. She marries her boyfriend, everybodys happy. I come to visit and see DH girls, they were happy and well adjusted, had a good time with them. I encouraged him to be a part of his ex inlaws family ( he was very close to them) why not, everything was good, and the ex inlaws were looking forward to meeting me.

Well it seems now that ex was happy as long as I lived far away, guess she thought it was a casual relationship. DH and I get married a few months after she did and things start getting tense for DH with visitation, but we still dont live together I needed to take care of a few things first. Although I only saw DH maybe once every 6 weeks or so his ex and eldest daughter started accusing him of neglecting his daughters. I got pregnant on one of his visits and things really heated up with ex. Me and my two kids D 11 and son 14 move in with him 4 months later, and things start getting really tense, we never seem to know when the girls are going to visit and all of a sudden they are issues with every visit. When my family comes to visit to meet the girls they are suddenly unavailabe. (girls lived 3 hours away but wasnt a problem before) They cant go on family vacations to meet my family cause something else always is more important. The girls start to use BMs husbands last name and call him dad - cause they "are so embarrassed when they go out in public". Ex starts crap with everything and all of a sudden mud starts slinging from the ex inlaws and the currently inlaws with my DH in the middle about whose fault they had divorced (- excuse me,who cares,that was a long time ago, and what happened to the mutual agreement!) Husband is so hurt by all this - what happened to everyones happiness and moving forward! Every visit we do have with the girls is a struggle cause the eldest is never happy - is always too tired to say Hi to me, and after my DH spends hours talking to her alone in a room somewhere, she will finally get happy just in time to go back home. Then we get THE phone call from her mother and her about how she hates everything we do, say, eat, music we listen to on or should I say the things that I have direct influence of... hubby is the sweetest man and will listen to eldest SD complaints - so she will be happy to visit next time and of course it becomes that we are walking on egg shells around this kid. The less I have to do with her the happier she is, DH will totally focus on her and her every whim, not realizing he is ignoring everyone else. In between visits my DH is a mess, depressed, all he can think about is how he misses his girls and spends most of his time in bed when not working or spends all our free time talking about the situation with the ex and his girls. I give birth to my son (- How dare I have a boy! -) Exes head explodes, denies visitation completely, moves 8 hours away and takes us to court to get it so he cant visit the girls and jack up the child support. Absolutely great. Our hearts are broken at a time we should be enjoying the birth of our new son. All DH can think about is his girls and how he is being pushed out of his life. Ex complains to the judge that DH is a lousy father - cause I guess one time the youngest daughter (12) forgot to bring her toothbrush to our house and didnt brush her teeth for a week. ( repeat 12y/o - OMG!) and other bs complaints. The girls told the mediator that they loved their dad, us and their baby brother and didnt have any issues. Well anyways the judge saw what she was doing said we were entitled to weekend visitation twice monthly, every other christmas, his birthdays, etc.... the usual..... Ex wasnt working at the time ( she had quit her job just before this) although she wanted 4x in child support that DH was paying it ended up being just over twice the original amount. Still a financial hardship but at least visitation was set. Sooooo to pay lazy non-working ex her support I have to put my 2 month old son in daycare and get a fulltime job (didnt plan on it this soon but oh well). My husband works shift work so only gets 2 weekends off a month and we have to drive 4 hours to meet halfway to get the girls, 4 hours back, then return them on sunday. Ex was beaten up in court and came out crying - hubby was happy to have his rights validated. Things run smooth for a while ( ex licking her wounds) but now girls complain that mom complains about the drive (Who moved 8 hours away???) And then over time to the depths of hell the visitaion goes... back to all the complaining and drama, the phone calls when they go home... next thing you know eldest tells us BM wants her to go out with a particular boy she has no interest in, then shes going out with him and he moves into their house (he had a troubled background - she is helping the poor boy out). Well why would she want to visit us when her BF is right there and refuses to come now.... and well if older SD isnt coming why should younger come cause now the only time she can see her friends is on the weekends she is suppose to see us and if DH complains then the elder daughter treats him like shit....hubby doesnt want to upset the eldest daughter so takes whatever bs the ex and sd hand over - afraid things will get worse... ex is friendliest when SD has the most problems with us so will email friendly updates on mutual friends, family etc to DH ( making me sick), visitation is down to twice a year. Meanwhile girls have never acknowledged anyone at christmas, birthdays, wont call or give gifts etc. Have never given their baby brother a gift for anything and if we say anything about, it eldest gets angry and hubby gets crushed..... The boyfriend SD didnt want to go out she married a week before she graduated high school (with her mothers blessing).... Later SD moves to be close to where her husband is posted and it looks like there may be some hope for her relationship with her dad. They call and email often. She tells her dad her mom wants her home for christmas - she doesnt want to and that her mom wants her to get pregnant and move back home. Sd says she doesnt want kids for a few years yet (shes 18). She says moms angry they arent coming this christmas and wont talk to her... dad gives fatherly advice that shes an adult now and its her life, she now makes the decisions for her life etc, SD respects her dads opinion... all is good... they are talking and dad is happy....3 weeks later... she calls dad to tell him the good news - shes pregnant. Dh is happy she called us and although we know the influence we act supportive... just want to have a relationship with his girl.... He sees that we will be a part of this grandbabies life and is happy about the future.... SD talks to dad and says that she may be coming out for christmas - he works shift so he says if she passes through here to let him know so he can at least give her a hug.... she is happy, he didnt ask her why she changed her mind. was just supportive.... WELL .... DH calls youngest daughter and she lets it slip that eldest SD is in our city staying at a friends house for a few days before she heads to her mothers, poor girl started to backtrack ... you could tell she was facing the wrath of her mother... so DH changed the subject and talked about other things with her.... My husband is heartbroken.... what the hell!... what would have been the big deal for her to let him know she was in town.... he feels he has lost all the ground he made with her..... I am soooo angry and fed up with all this. I have been so supportive of my DH and have taken everybodies shit in order for him to maintain some kind of relationship. Im so sick of it... my husband is devastated - just in time for christmas... I find I now have a really short fuse and get angry whenever the exes name or her family are mentioned... all of them act bipolar..... treat my husband like shit then act like nothing happened and he is the one with the problem. I dont know how to be supportive to my husband right now ... I am so at a loss.....

Thank you for listening and having the opportunity to get this out....