I need advice....HELP!!!!
Hi all...I am seeking some advice...here is my story. I am getting married to a wonderful guy October 2010. He has a wonderful 8 year old daughter however his exwife, her parents and her boyfriend are impossible. When it comes to her, the document it "just a guideline". She is supposed to send clothing, she does not...she gave up a TON of time with her daughter for the house (she sold her child for a home), she schedules her for activities during my fiance's visitation. I run from my job to pick her up to run her to dancing class and religious instruction...her parents show up to these activities and make comments like "look at what she's wearing" "do you think they feed her" etc. etc. So, I decided to just drop her off to give them some space. Now, I am rude and I must be hiding something! No one talks to me, they glare at me and make nasty comments like calling me "trailer trash" on the internet or calling me a "homewrecker" and a "whore". Meanwhile, I did not stop dating my fiance until they were sepparated. I have stayed out of their business completely however these people always have something to say. She does not take care of her daughter when she does have her for brief periods of time. Her parents do...she never gets her off the bus, never does school projects with her, never comes to her activites, never cooks for her...we do. I do all these things and this woman is so mean to me I can't even explain it. When she calls to say goodnight to her...she grills her for all the details "who were you with, who drove, where did you go, why did you go there." she even went as far as telling the child on sunday's "tell daddy to bring you to me...that isn't your church, tell him you don't want to go there". Now we are getting married, she has been grilling her daughter about our wedding. I am very fearful she is going to try and destroy it. Does anyone know what kind of rights we may have in New York? We just want this woman to follow the divorce agreement and custody agreement and move on with her life. We even went to his daughters birthday party in which we paid half of only to be called names in front of his daughter by her grandmother, be yelled at by her mother's best friend and afterwards, my fiance' received threatening email from her boyfriend. What can we do to make these people stop interfering with visitation, stop interfering with our lives and not ruin our special day? Any help?????
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First, don't pay half of
First, don't pay half of anything for bdays. Celebrate on your time. Second, when she starts "grilling" SD on the phone, calmly take the phone and explain to her that phone privileges will resume when she can discuss appropriate things with her daughter. Explain to SD that what happens in your home is none of her mother's business. Don't be mean, but ask her how she would feel if you called her friends everyday and asked about every detail of her life. Don't tell SD details about your wedding. She doesn't need to know details. Don't let SD control details like which church she goes to. I hate to say refuse to take her to crap on your days, but honestly, if Wingnut did this to me, I'd stop transporting her daughter places just to be abused and I'd explain this to sd with "I understand you love dance, etc., and I am very sorry and disappointed that you can't go, but mommy and daddy are supposed to follow an agreement, which means mommy needs to respect our time, etc." Kids need to understand that their are rules and that mommy doesn't always make them. We had a tough time with WIngnut in the beginning, but by making these changes, she and her family has backed off because they realized it wasn't getting them anywhere and Creature realizes that mommy doesn't rule the world.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
very well said, so very!! i
very well said, so very!! i would not show up to anything bm or her parents were at, have all of your own parties that bm and parents are not included! my parents got along great and i still had separate parties, and i never suffered for it!
the first year dh and i dated, bm demanded that she come to the party WE arranged for ss...she came made a scene and tried to ruin it...dh asked her to leave, thank god she did...ever since we do nothing together, and one thing ive learned from this site is that what the child wants is not always best, and dh and sm do not need to scramble and stress over bm to try and give skid exactly what they want! they need to know that bm does not make the rules in your house..otherwise they will expect it, and you will go crazy!
we recently had the issue where bm scheduled stuff on our time...ss does not go on our days unless we are able to take him with out effecting our work or other plans!
Okay! It is time to start
Okay! It is time to start having fun with this situation.
First, photo shop some really expensive receipts for your upcoming wedding. D-Flawless 3kt diamond platinum engagement ring - $30,000. Fiji destination wedding for his and your family - $50,000. Rare Borneo rain forest sap sucking tree flower wedding bouquet $5,000. Custom made flower girl dress for SD $1,000. Designer wedding dress $15,000. 5Star honey moon in the cloud forest tree top resort with extra orangutan tour and nightly Swedish naked mud bath massage $20,000. Nightly honeymoon strawberry and Dom Perignon bedtime snack with live action soft-core porn presentation $7,500.00........
Leave a file folder with the receipts out where it can accidently fall in to SDs bag when she goes back to Mommy and watch the sparks fly. Have fun with this one.
Attend the joint family birthday parties and make sure to take a video camera to catch the BMs toothless mother and idiot best friends cussing out your Fiancé. Only run the camera when they are getting stupid. Once they are done with their rant reply with some snappy come back about how Granny's teeth look like they were inherited from her dead great aunt, the best friend looks like she has been rode hard and put up wet a few to many times and when the BF threatens anyone in your family call the police and have his ass arrested for terroristic threats. If he does it twice ...... shoot him.
Don't forget to take the video of BMs idiot family to court to show the judge and send the threatening e-mail from BMs BF to the cops and press charges.
Start taking SD to some obscure animist tree worshiping coven church (made up of course) and start calling her by her new church name "Little Tree Frog". Make sure to photo shop a church flyer each week that details the next week salamander entrails reading service and the children's Sunday school naked tree climbing scripture lesson.
I all seriousness, Dad's visitation time is Dad's visitation time. It is not Mom's time to schedule a bunch of shit that interferes with Dad's time. If BM signs SD up for a bunch of shit on Dad's time ....... DON'T TAKE HER! In fact, schedule a home visit by the evil clown party posse to show up at random times at BMs house to "entertain" the kid on MOMS TIME!
Really, you can have a bunch of fun with this. I look at pissing off my SS's SpermClan as a sport. I am a Gold Medalist.
Learn to enjoy barring their asses and idiocy as often, as loudly and as publically as you can.
Enjoy!
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I love this!!!! You should
I love this!!!! You should definitely do the wedding thing that was suggested!
I do not have any
I do not have any information on your rights in New York state but I would like to say that for some people it never ends. My husband and I got married less than two years ago and went through the same things with his ex while planning our wedding. Our first two years of marriage havent been much better. I think that a lot of this interferrence begins and ends with "dad". He needs to make sure that he is calling her out on the things that she does, lets her know that the only communication that will be tolerated is communication for the BENEFIT of the child. If the calls from BM are becoming harmful...stop them. IF she cant be appropriate at the birthday party...have your own. Maybe taking her to court for contempt might settle her down some???
The most important thing is to make sure that you dont put up with this now because if you do it will only get worse!