When In-laws visit... Is this rude or not a big deal?
I realize the way things work in my family isn't always the norm, so I'm curious if this is acceptable or rude...
DH's mom lives about 2 hours away. She comes to visit every couple of months and will stay the night at our house. It is almost always during the work week. When she comes, DH never changes his plans to spend time with her. She will arrive around 6 or so. DH will go to the gym for about an hour from 7-8. He will sit and talk to her for about an hour and then she goes to bed. The next day DH goes to work as normal and she goes home.
I just think it's rude to have company over and not be home to spend time with them. Plus, I feel like I need to stay home with her since DH isn't here. I don't want to give up my gym time if he is still going, but I'm worried she'll feel unwelcome if we both leave to go to the gym.
Opinions please!
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Is she spending time with her
Is she spending time with her grandkids while you two are at the gym? Does she have other reasons for visiting your town? If not then I do think it is strange that your husband cannot miss the gym for one night and that your mill visits on a week night rather than a weekend. But it seems to work for them so why mess with their system? If you want to go to the gym then you shouldn’t feel obligated to entertain.
DH's kids aren't at our home
DH's kids aren't at our home during the week (unless it's summer). My kids are here which is another reason I feel weird about us both leaving. My kids are old enough to stay alone, but I still feel like we're forcing her to babysit if she is the only adult home.
There are times she comes into town for other reasons, and those times I'm not too worried about us going about our normal routine. I worry about the times when she is only coming to visit.
I think it's rude but why
I think it's rude but why does she come on a weekday? I think that is odd in itself.
I agree. Weekdays are really
I agree. Weekdays are really not a good time. DH and I both work and I'm already busy with school stuff for my girls. If she would wait until the weekend, her grandkids would be here too. But it's not something I want to try and control.
Ask your MIL how she feels
Ask your MIL how she feels about the time she gets with all of you, mostly her son. She could be fine with the whole thing. If she isn't okay with it then your DH can make some changes.
Is she perhaps coming during
Is she perhaps coming during the week and seeing other people in the area during the day before you both would be home? Is there any other reason like a DR visit or trip to a special store etc...?
I might think it was ok to maintain his gym schedule if she was coming over every week, but if it is only once every couple of months, I would think he could try to change his gym routine.. perhaps going in the morning the day of her arrival or skipping it that one day.
I'm with you in that I feel that "someone" should be home with her after work to make her feel welcome as your guest. That's what I would try to do if I were her host.
But, if this has been their status quo even before you were in the picture, I might just go about MY plans and he can deal with the fact that his mom is cooling her heels alone.
Seems rude to me. If she's
Seems rude to me. If she's only there for one day it, the gym can wait. I don't know that I'd take off from work, but I'd surely come home from work and have a nice dinner and spend time with her instead of going to the gym
Agree!
Agree!
I think that if it's always
I think that if it's always the way that your DH has managed visits with his mother that it's fine. Families have different expectations and if his mom was upset, she'd probably say something. I'd also keep going to the gym and to work as normal if he is. His mom can't get mad at you, if she's not mad at him.
My rule with DH is that we are each responsible for managing our own families, so I "manage" mine and he's in charge of "managing" his.
Why do you put off going to
Why do you put off going to the gym if MIL is there? She's not your mother and if DH isn't bothered why are you?
I'm sorry but the rude one here will be MIL, I will tell her sorry but week days do not work for us, why not come through Saturday and leave Sunday?
We all have to work, we all have our own lives during the week.... seems like your DH sticks to his life and only you worry about things...
nope MIL is rude for not getting it,