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Pacemaker

Siferra's picture

Submitted by Siferra on Thu, 10/13/2011 - 2:38pm

I have one SS6 that we have about 50/50. His mom has always had health problems, and most recently her heart has not been well. She was in the hospital about 6 months ago for a few days, and now they're scheduling her to get a pacemaker/difibrulator.

I must admit, I'm kind of freaked out. I know the risk of her actually not making it through is really small, but I'm worried anyway. This is horribly selfish of me, but I don't really want to be SS's "mom". I'm stepmom, and I will cook for him, watch after him, and make sure he has what he needs. But I've never pretended to be a kid person, and I don't love my SS.

I just can't help but think about how incredibly hard it would be to suddenly be expected to fill the "mom" role, and what a cosmic unfairness it would be to SS6 to have his "mom" be someone who doesn't really like being around him.

Comments

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Thu, 10/13/2011 - 3:24pm

You wont be his mom. If she were to pass away her role will be even more defined in his mind. She will have been super mom and there will be no way you will be able to fill that role. It wouldn't be worth it to try, and could even be detrimental. I am not saying this is a bad thing. It would be natural. You shouldn't have to do any more for him or be any more involved with him then you currently are as his SM with his BM living. The child will not have unrealistic expectations for you....he may even want less to do with you out of loyalty to the memory of his mom. It is your DH that you will want to concern yourself with. DH may expect you to fill that role of mom for SS so that he doesn't have to step up to be the single father. He may expect you to step up and be replacement mom. Since BM does have these health issues there are conversations that you should start having with your DH now. Insurance if you will on what his expectations would be. I would explain to him specifically how you feel...and what you think should and shouldn't happen...and what will and will not be acceptable in the event that the worse happens.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 10/14/2011 - 9:11am

I agree with Becky, there are some conversations that DH needs to have with BM about the kids. Having been widowed, there is more things that no one thinks about.

As for being his mom, you don't have to be. Will the lions share fall on you no. Not if you don't let it. I do not expect DH to do anything more for my son than I would if his Dad were alive. He is not his reponsibility. He does not replace his Dad, he just adds to his life. I do everything for my son, DH doesn't have to do much...