Guilty Admission
I feel terrible to admit this….but I can’t help but secretly feel smug that it is likely my kid will be “better” than SS6.
SS was very premature due to BM not taking her meds. He has been very slow to develop – and he is still only understandable maybe 75% of the time. He still doesn’t tell stories yet, he just has phrases for requesting things that he has learned by rote. ‘May I have a glass of milk?” “I want pizza” etc. But if you ask what he did at school today at most you can get “Recess!” or similar one word answers. He has been tested several times and is in special services, but he’s impossible to accurately test yet because he will just up and refuse to answer questions if he’s not interested. For example, he can count to 100, but he scored low on counting because he just didn’t feel like doing it when the tester asked.
I’m 13 weeks pregnant, and I know that all kids have their own strengths, etc. And I would never ever say anything to SS or DH. But, it’s likely that my child will be significantly higher functioning at early ages than SS. It’s hard not to feel a little smug even though I know that’s just awful.
I’m very grateful there is going to be nearly 7 years between the kids so that there will be less comparison. It would be more difficult if they were close to the same age.
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Comments
There will be comparison, DH
There will be comparison, DH and I's daughter is 7 yrs apart from SS and people will try to compare them, they will try to compare them at 7 vs 1 or try to compare what SS did at that age vs your child. But if your kid is like mine yours will come out in a better light every time(except to my mil who is crazy and has an odd obsession with SS and even her family thinks she is crazy when she trys to say SS was more advanced at that age, her sister even called her out and said that no he wasn't why are you lieing?) Just try to ignore the comparrisons but be prepared that they will happen.
I have always felt quite
I have always felt quite guilty that I though I take natural pride in the past academic achievements of my BDs 29 and 27 who have both got good degrees - I secretly don't want the SD14 or SD16 to rival them. Not that it is very likely - they are not that brilliant academically. I think it is probably natural to want your bio child to be the best - although I would never express this to DH of course.
I hope you have a good pregnancy and a lovely baby!
I hope you are blessed with a
I hope you are blessed with a healthy, typically developing child. There are many people who did everything right during pregnancy, yet still have children with disabilities. And normally developing children are not "better" than children with special needs.
I say this as the mother of five perfectly healthy, intelligent (two are in college, one is a National Merit Scholar....) children. I don't know what it's like to have a child with a disability. But I know it must be challenging.
Well stated. But for the
Well stated.
But for the grace of God, go I...
Agreed - I do say "it is
Agreed - I do say "it is likely" though of course good health is not to be taken for granted
I feel the same way. DH
I feel the same way. DH comments almost daily how smart our 20 month old BS is and he really is! He also comments quite frequently how SS12 has no common sense and has BMs brains (or lack thereof) and this is also true. Seriously, when DH gives SS12 a simple direction.. like "go in the kitchen and grab the bottle of windex" SS will often return with this stupid look on his face and the "I can't find it" excuse. DH will go look and it will be right there...
Maybe SS brain is just fried from his 7000 text messages that he is busy sending every month?
We have no idea what the
We have no idea what the future holds.
Crazy BM had the same feelings about DF's oldest daughter. She talked nonstop about the girl's(8 at the time) weight and poor grades while she was pregnant. Guess who has an 130 pound 6 year old today?
It's perfectly natural. It's
It's perfectly natural. It's a biological trait that we want our own offspring to succeed. A child made by dad, with a different mom, is a very close, almost threatening competitor for us. Not that we consciously think that, but we are still driven by some very basic instincts. Being aware of them helps.