Need some advice
I should be asleep, but I can't sleep because I have to many things racing through my mind right now that all I do is toss & turn.
My bs12(will be 13 in the 3rd) has struggled a little through school, the basic not wanting to do homework, not wanting to go to school, and not being interested in what they are doing at school. Five years ago I took him to be tested by a psychologist, because the school suggested that there was a learning problem. All that visit did was prove bs12 has a very high iq and tends to become bored with the simple learning curriculum. So the school set up an Individual Learning Plan(IEP) for him and would give him extra time to complete work & tests. Well, 3 years ago we moved to a different state. The new school implemented a new IEP for bs12 and his first year of school at the new school was great. BS12 made honor roll for the first time ever in his school years, he was doing really well. Then last year he was switched from elementary to middle school. BS12 struggled a little, but over all did fine. BS12 is now in 7th grade, still has an IEP, but his grades have dropped dramatically. I was told to have him tested by and Optometrist and see if maybe he needs vision therapy. So I did. They told me that bs12 has all these different vision problems, that don't affect his 20/20 vision but does affect his vision in other ways. I was then informed that there is a program that takes 40 weeks, but they don't accept insurance and the program would cost dh & I approximately $7000. DH & I are not rich. DH is a cement truck driver and I am currently unemployed and I am struggling to find a job. So for dh & I to spend $7000 based on one doctors opinion just seems ridiculous to me. Especially when we really can't afford to and have no idea where we would come up with that much. Because they want it all up front. So, dh & I discussed it and we decided to get a second opinion. So I took bs12 for that second opinion today and was told something totally opposite. I witnessed the testing this time, saw everything they did, and bs12 passed every test perfectly. The second doctor says that bs12 has no vision problem and has no need for a treatment that has not been proven to be affective. But this second doctor also recommended that maybe bs12 would benefit better with a curriculum that is geared more towards audio/hands on learning than book learning. And then suggested that I let bs12 finish this school year and then pull him out of public school and find a home schooling curriculum that is audio/hands on learning and home school bs12 for a year or 2 until bs12 gets over this "learning hump".
So now dh & I have been given 2 totally opposite opinions about bs12 and we are at a loss on what to do. DH & I have pretty much decided that we are not going to move forward with the vision therapy. But I have a meeting at 9am with the IEP teacher and I'm not sure what to do. We don't feel that bs12 is benefiting from the IEP class any longer. Because if he was, his grades would be better. BS12 has also said that about 80% of the time, he doesn't do his work because he just doesn't want to. BS12 has also stated that because of him being in the IEP classroom, some of the other kids at school call him special ed. So, I am just wondering if any of you have gone through this or is going through this and could give me some advice on what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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It varies from day to day.
It varies from day to day. One day he will be totally devastated by the punishment given for not doing work. Then the next time, it's as if he doesn't care.
That's what dh & I think he is doing, because we have had him tested several times by several different doctors of all different fields and the majority of the time, we get the same results....he just doesn't want to do his work and there is no medical reason behind it.
I have worked in Education
I have worked in Education for the past 11 years and I implore you to NOT let a Dr. give you educational setting recommendations! It is overstepping by physicians and it's done far too often! After all, I'm sure your physician would not want the school system making medical diagnosis and medication recommendations for his patients.
With that said, please be sure to check with your school district as to what the requirements and outcome of home schooling a child in your state is. In my state, parents have to submit lesson plans and quarterly reports every year while home schooling, however, the state does not recognize home schooling as an equivalent education to that which students enrolled in public/private schools are getting and as such will NOT issue a high school diploma or GED to home schooled students.
I know your intentions are good, but home schooling is tough, especially if your son already does not want to do school work. It's tough on you and him, it's difficult to play dual roles (mom/teacher) I have had people pull their kids out of school for reasons very much like yours only to re-enroll them a month later. On the flip side, I've also had families who swear that the student is thriving on home instruction.
At any rate, good luck with whatever you choose, at least you are a concerned, involved parent!!
I don't mean to sound bitchy
I don't mean to sound bitchy here...but I just got back from the meeting. You say not to let a doctor influence my decisions about my son's education...So does that also mean that I shouldn't let my son's IEP teacher influence my decision about medical treatment. Because that is exactly what her comments to me were at this meeting. She was telling me to take him to another doctor and have him tested again for academic & behavioral problems. She also implied that bs12 is either ADD or AD/HD. So basically his IEP teacher is doing the same thing that the Opthamologist did yesterday. She is giving me medical advice to influence my decisions that affect bs12. I am sorry but I have done my research and bs12 is far from ADD or AD/HD. I have worked with children who truly are ADD & AD/HD and bs12 acts nothing like that. I also refuse to let the school or a doctor put a label on bs12 and then try to convince me that the best solution is medicating him. I have seen the affects of medicating children and all that does is turn them into zombies so that either the teachers and/or the parents don't have to actually deal with the problem. As far as the home schooling thing, dh & I are undecided on that. But if we choose to go that route, the state we live in offers an online home schooling program that is free and is equivalent to the education he would receive in a public/private school and would receive his diploma. But like I said, dh & I are undecided on what to do about it yet. DH & I have a lot to talk about before we make a decision. But thank you for your input and sorry for sounding a little bitchy.
You should certainly take
You should certainly take what the Dr. said into consideration just as the teacher's concerns should be taken into consideration, what I meant was for you not to take what the Dr. said and run with it as being the final cure all answer to what is going on with your son. Your son's Dr. can't possibly be familiar with different settings, programs, help etc. that your school district has to offer so for him to say that your son would benefit from home schooling, is overstepping IMHO.
I agree with you that everyone is so quick to put a label on kids and then shove medication down their throats as the cure all. Could it be that your son is just lazy and doesn't like school?? Oh no, he must be ADD, ADHD, bi-polar, or be afflicted with some "disorder". It's ridiculous to me and bascially just an excuse to throw accountability out the window... after all if you are labeled with a "disorder" you can't possibly be held accountable for your actions.
And you didn't sound bitchy at all, just frustrated, again at least you are involved and concerned.. more than I can say for sadly the majority of parents that I see.
The Opthamologist that bs12
The Opthamologist that bs12 saw was also speaking from his own personal experience with his 2 sons. Which I forgot to mention all of that. But the home schooling was just an option he suggested. He also suggested that maybe bs12 is more of a hands on/audio learner than book learner. Which I have heard of that before, but never really looked into it. The doctor also told me exactly what the school would say at my meeting this morning and he was right on the money. He said that the school would dismiss his professional opinion that bs12 does not have a vision problem and suggest that bs12 is either ADD or AD/HD. That's exactly what the IEP teacher did. I do not want to put my son through another meaningless test to be given the same results. BS12 has seen a psychologist and I was told bs12 is fine. BS12 has never done this poorly in school. I mean yes, he struggled before but still managed to complete his work and maintain decent grades. I am wondering if it has something to do with him starting puberty and not understanding the changes his body is going through. Tho dh & I have had the talk with about it and he has went through the course they teach at school, I am just wondering if maybe that is part of it. Because lately bs12 has also started giving dh & I attitude & talking back.
Thanks, I get that alot that it's a good thing I am so involved in bs12's education. Tho I sometimes wonder if I am to involved and he is so use to either me, dh, or his teachers telling him what he needs to do that he now is not capable to make those decisions on his own.
I am not sure how
I am not sure how homeschooling would help in this situation. He just doesnt feel like doing his work. What is going to make him feel like doing it at home? Then you end up putting yourself right into the middle of the battle.
IDK-I would never want to homeschool my kids (and I think of myself as fairly smart)-just too much I don't know and I am assuming those teachers didnt go to school for 4 plus years for nothing, but actually learned something about teaching (I hope). It's a lot or responsibility to take on and essentially you are thinking about taking it on because your bs doesnt feel like doing work.
His IEP can be changed. They can maintain an IEP but essentially not require him to go to any sort of special classroom unless he feels like it. So hopefully he would lose that stigma. I am not sure what kind of classroom he is going in, but alot of the special needs classrooms have kids that have alot of behavioral issues and alot of kids that certainly dont want to do their work. Maybe he is picking up things from them and would indeed be better off in a different classroom.
I would try putting a firm program into place at home in which he must come home and sit with the books for a couple of hours. Even if he says he has no work. Just make him sit there then. Maintain good contact with the school-they can email you his assignments and can get him an extra set of books to keep at home so you dont have to worry about him "forgetting". Do not allow him any privileges until his assingments are done. None. NO tv, no snacks, no outside time, no video games, cell phones, nothing. Check his grades daily to make sure his assigments are getting done. In other words, to be very crude be on him like stink on shit. This is what you would have to do with his homeschooling anyway-so I would try it first with the support of the school and see if you can get him to bring the grades up. I would also try and find out something he really wants to do or have-some sort of reward and offer it up if his grades increase.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying. I have been on bs12's ass for a long time about completing school work. BS12 has his own computer, but has lost the privilege to use several months ago. He has also lost his tv, video games, going places, going outside, everything you suggested...we have done and at times it works and other times he just doesn't care. We have also tried bribing him. That worked for a little while, but within a month he was back to the way he was before the bribe. I also have thought about that, that maybe he is picking up the bad habits of the other kids in the IEP classroom. I talked to the IEP teacher about that today and her only suggestion is to take him to yet another doctor and have another test done, instead of pulling him out of her classroom and putting him in a regular classroom and only go to her room if he needs help. Yes, I do not have a teachers degree, but I do know when what the school is doing is not working and things need to be changed. But the whole home schooling thing is just a option for us and not one that we are certain about doing.
My BD has gone thru the same
My BD has gone thru the same motions.
It sounds like to me that it is the pressure of age/middle school/ puberty issues. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my BD either. It sounds like your BS is in a rut. Also could be issues at school whether it be friends, girls or being teased for being in a IEP. Unless otherwise tested (sounds like he is smart) I would pull him out of the IEP and see how he does. Also - these are normal issues for boys his age (that i have seen) and i would look into changing his diet & make sure he is on a good schedule. It helped my BD. If you are concerned about the atmosphere of the school i would look into Churches. There are some Christian churches that have schools & there are about 10 kids to each teacher so there is more hands on.